Today was a pretty busy day, I’ve been out since this morning. I thought I had a Dr. appointment today at 10am, but it turned out it was at 1:30pm, so I had to find something to do for 3 1/2 hours. I didn’t want to go back home because the Dr. office isn’t close to where I live so I went to Comp USA to see how much their mouse pens are. They were all $79 and up. I rather go to Micro Center for the $60 one. I got a Mcgriddle [egg & cheese only] for myself, apple juice for Destin and chocolate milk for Elijah from Mcdonalds (That’s what Elijah wanted and Destin is only 10 months). Then I went to Sally’s Beauty Supply and got some blow dryer protectant for my lovely locks. After leaving Sally’s I put $10 in the car and went to Walmart and got Destin some formula, food, water, wipes and socks. I also grapped a 2 liter of Rootbeer and a big jug of apple juice because yesterday I bought some fruit punch from Giant Eagle [the Value Time kind] and man was it GROSS. I mean I’d rather drink Koolaid with no sugar or prune juice. That stuff really tastes that bad!

After my appointment I got home a little after 2pm. I then started cleaning up the house because it’s a disaster! After washing the dishes I sat at the computer for a short break and to see what time it was and the clock said 6:01pm. I sat there for a minute staring at the time.

“Oh God! I was suppose to get Jeremy at 6pm! I could not have been washing dishes that long!”

Looking outside didn’t help eithier because it was starting to get dark so I reached into my purse to check the clock on my key chain which read 3:26pm. I felt a lot better after that. With a sigh of relief I fixed the clock on the computer and started doing what I’m doing now….

Writing in my blog.

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A Poem of SincerityÂÂ

I know I really hurt you;

I know exactly how it feels;

to have your heart broken,

so bad it makes you ill.

I know about the dreams;

I know about the flashbacks;

I know about the fantasies;

When you take revenge.

But if you hear me out

I won’t rub it in

I won’t get defensive

And say hurtful things.

I am really sorry,

As sincere as can be.

From the top of my head;

to the soles of my feet;

I am sorry for what I did to you,

And sorry for what you did to me.

Please belive the words I say

When I say I apologize

Like the words of Rueben Studdard

I’m sorry.

I sorry for the lies,

I’m sorry for the hurt,

I’m sorry for the pain you feel,

I’m sorry for everything;

But most of all I’m sorry

for when we first met

because the intentions we had

weren’t never ever good at all

or pleasing to God’s eyes.

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Today I got everything taken care of at Southgate. I even bought Elijah a new Veggie Tales movie. Tommorow I’m going to have to drive out to Beachwood for another doctor appointment to get the C-84 filled out again so I won’t have a repeat episode of last week. I still haven’t received my Childsupport check for this month. Elijah’s Dad already paid so I wonder why it’s taking so long for me to get his check. It’ll be December in 2 days!

I was thinking of adding another page to my blog with screen shots of my websites and how they looked before now. As you can see I added the Random Post plugin. I think that’s it with the plugins. I’m happy with the blogs content now.

I will be adding a new link called Vanilla Templates or Vanilla Sugar Templates. This will be a one page website giving people an opportunity to have a website template made for them with the graphics and colors they choose. Then they can upload the template to their website and add their content. I’ll also have a link to my website tutorials site so they can use it for help. The templates will cost between $10 and $20 depending on how complex and how many graphics are included. I’ll only do templates in CSS and HTML.

I’m deleting the forum for Sam’s Manga. I don’t want that forum anymore. I might add a forum for the web builder, but I haven’t decided yet. Later around 4pm or 4:30pm I gotta pack the kid’s up a go grocery shopping. Then we will leave to get Jeremy from work. Speaking of Jeremy, since he’s always reading my blog, I have something for him:

A Poem for JeremyÂÂ

Your eyes are beautiful

So bright and clear;

A beauty so great

I can hardly bare;

So sweet and pure

a tranquil love;

Only something I know

that came from up above.

My handsome prince

I await your kiss

to wake me up from

from what I’ve missed

take me away to a far away land

where no man or woman can

 break our bond

of a true Agabe love

that only comes from God.

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Well I’m about to work on the Site link and get the screenshots prepared, gotta go.

I finally got a calendar plugin to work the way I want it to. It’s actually the first plugin I downloaded months ago. After fiddling around for about an hour with a few plugins I altered the plugin code so it would be styled the way I wanted. I’m pretty content with the plugin for now…

I just fiddled with another plugin. I’m going to use this one instead.

Okay, I’m also thinkng of adding a random post to the sidebar for added fun. So how did my day go? Slow and irritating! Destin keeps whining regardless of what I do and he keeps messing his diaper. He messed his diaper yesterday 3 times after bringing him home so bad it went through his clothes. One time it even leaked out on me [GROSS]. Then this morning he was dirty and even now he’s dirty. I wonder what my Mom fed him over there? It definantly didn’t agree with his stomach. I mean I have to buy soy based formula because milk based makes him spit up too much!

Other than that I worked on Gods Vision Online and added a page about the truth about bibical food laws and how it pertains to us today. If your interested in the study click here. I also got an email from Brandon at the Christian Oasis. I wrote him about his End of Time study on the Book of Revelations and I also gave him a few tips for his website. I actually forgot I wrote him. He wrote me back thanking me for the tips and giving me links to other studies he has on his website. He seemed like a very Christ-like person. His letter was filled with warmth and sincerity. Those are the type of christians I want to be around.

Tommorow I have to go back to Southgate again. I wonder how Jeremy is going to act today? It’s a different attitude-personality everyday. Yesterday we got into it again. I told him why I am unhappy with him because he uses his mouth to hurt me constantly. I already forgave him for cheating, but how many times must I forgive him for hurting my feelings? He complains of me not being compassionate. The truth is I can be compassionate, but I can’t be that way towards a person that delivers constant put-downs to me daily. I mean would you? Or could you? You’d be unhappy and want the relationship to end. But what if the other person won’t allow you to end the relationship? What do you do then? Let the put-downs build up? Then you’re weak and vunerable and along comes someone who doesn’t put you down at all and they act sweet. For whatever they’re reasons are for being sweet to you, you end up falling for them because they make you feel good not bad.

That’s why it’s not good to say mean things to people because the tongue has power. That sayng “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Is garbage. Words can and do hurt. Your tongue has the power to speak life and death to curse and to bless.

I’ve also removed the Vanilla Sugar Webdesign link from my blog. I don’t have time or really want to work on other people’s websites right now. I can create a layout for people for about 10 bucks and let them use the layout and add content themselves.

As you can see the site has went through some minor changes:

• Changed width of the main text box to a larger size.
• Changed width of sidebar.
• Enlarged sidebar links
• Made larger top banners
• Added a RSS feed

And that’s about it with my blog.

Yesterday I tried to get this add events plugin to work, but everytime I tried to design the way the events displayed, the plugin just ignored all the commands (HTML and CSS)! So I gave up on it again. Maybe I’ll try another one today.

Earlier today I went to the library and printed out some deliverance prayers from Mountain of Fire Ministries. They cover a lot of stuff, but they don’t cover everything. They have prayers geared to pacific things like spiritual growth, against powers of night (dream demons, etc.). Those are good when used for certain things and they cover a lot of things in the prayers, but as far as a full deliverance….you need someone who has the gift of dicernment to discern different spirits and assist in casting them out or you can do it yourself (self deliverance). You know…like calling them out by their names (characteristics): fear, bitterness, unforgiveness, pride, etc.

Okay…Enough of that. I had to drive out to Southgate earlier today to handle some buisness and I stopped at the Christian Bookstore while I was out there and took a look at some books. Then I picked up the boys from my Moms and went home. I turned a movie on for Elijah, fed Destin and made the above adjustments to my blog.

Later, around 5:30pm I got the kids dressed and rushed to Mentor to get Jeremy by 6pm. He was standing outside when I got there and told me that he didn’t have to work and was just hanging out in Mentor from 10am until 6pm because he couldn’t get in touch with me.

Earlier when I dropped him off I stopped at the bank in Mentor and I was there for about an hour. I told him I was going there so I don’t know why he didn’t walk to the bank which was only about 2 blocks away from his job. He said he forgot about that.

Anyways, I think it’s about time to get a new cellphone.

Well in case you’re wondering what happened…

My workers compensation money didn’t come until yesterday since it’s 3am. So I wasn’t able to pay for my website and my account was suspended which really sucked! For now on I’ll always put back an extra 10 bucks for my webbie.

I’m glad it’s up now.

Anyways, in case you are wondering why it’s so late…I just got in from going dancing with my lil’ sis. I couldn’t wait till she turned 18 so I can party with her, even if it’s only once because I know the music at the club is terrible for my soul. Not to mention how people dance there. I didn’t want to dance with anyone because they always want you to grind on them [YUCK]. So everytime I guy walked up to me and started grinding I’d dance a little bit and walk away and dance alone…so did my sis. Jeremy would even pull me away when a guy tried to dance with me because he wasn’t going to have that and anyways I didn’t want to dance with anyone else unless it was him. We had a good time. My sister gave this guy that asked her for her phone number the reject hotline number…I thought that was hilarious. And when we was dancing I had my fist in the air and hit her in the eye [lol] then Jeremy’s hat hit me in my eye. I almost wet my pants laughing.

Anyways I had a great time and now its time to go to bed because it’s late.

Goodnight.

Today was a rather interesting day…

First I got up and played with Destin as usual and then called my Mom to see if she called last night because the phone kept ringing, but I didn’t bother to answer it. Jeremy left while I was on the phone with my Mom to go to his Mom’s house. When he came back he asked me if I was on the internet (I was still on the phone with my Mom) because he called and the line was busy. I thought I had call waiting…I guess I have to call AT&T to see what happened. Anyways, when I got off the phone he told me how he saw Anthony and wanted to break his face, but he kept his composure, then he went to his Mom’s house to get the PS2 and him and Johnathan got in an argument because Johnathan was talking mess so Jeremy punched him in the face. [What drama!]

After hearing all this Jeremy was angry and wanted to leave. He took me and Destin to Ponderosa for lunch, but all he kept doing was bringing up the pass and putting me down. I tried to stay humble, but enough is enough! So I told him that from now on I will spend the weekend at my Mom’s especially if every weekend is going to be nothing, but condemnation. He said sorry, but I still wanted to leave because it’s hard to keep being humble when your constantly attacked day after day. It’s really difficult for me to stay in God when I’m around so much negativity.

So I guess your wondering why my butt hurt’s?

Well, later around 7pm we decided to go skating. My Mom came to get Destin for the weekend and Jeremy and I went to the skating ring. According to my Mom I’ve been skating since I was 3 and I remember when we used to go to the same skating ring when I was is high school every week. Well I gotta admit I am a bit rusty, but NOT as rusty as Jeremy!

Fall #1: When we started skating Jeremy wanted me to hold his hand so I did. We went around maybe twice and Jeremy started to lose his balance, then his skate somehow went in between mine and BOOM! I was on the floor, but not Jeremy, just me!

Fall #2: We started skating again after being totally embaressed by the fall. I got up and started skating. After a while I was getting back into the groove of skating again. Maybe after 20 minutes or so I lost my balance while holding Jeremy’s hand and BOOM again! That time it hurt and my, butt was sore.

 Fall #3: So now I am sore and embaressed. I was holding my but groaning from the pain. “Man, my butt hurts!” We continued to skate. Jeremy kept losing his balance and almost falling, but never did..it was hilarious! He really needs some practice. I on the other hand was doing wonderfully. So now we are skating holding hands, no one is losing their balance and all of a sudden I feel a skate getting caught on mine and BOOM! This time I wasn’t embaressed[I fell too many times for that]…just sore…very sore. So whose skate was it?

Not Jeremy’s…Some dumb guy wearing black! I didn’t even see who it was It was a whole lot of guys in black. Jeremy claimed he fell too, but I didn’t see anyone on the floor, but me. He must have got up really quick! I was so mad (and sore). The guy didn’t even say sorry. Now my butt was really, really sore. I really didn’t want to skate anymore. If I fell again I was gonna scream!

So after about 5 minutes more we left the floor played a couple games and went home. On the way home Jeremy bought me a happy meal from Mcdonalds. We went home and I took a long, hot bubby bath hoping to relieve my sore bottom. It didn’t do any good though. My butt still hurts.

Well that’s how my day went. Now I’m going to go lie down because I’m sore and tired.

Goodnight and God Bless.

I was thinking about making my blog a little bigger than it is. So it won’t be extra space on the right of the sidebar, but after thinking about how long it would take and how I would have to make all the top banners over at a larger size and how I would have to reposition the sidebar I decided against it…for now anyways. I’ll just wait for one of those days full of boredom to do that. It would be different if I only had one theme to adjust, but I would actually have to adjust all three of my themes! So I’ll wait for that day full of boredom…

Yesterday would have been a good day…

But I found something else to do. I added a comments page to my blog. So to make my comments page different than everyone who uses those premade layouts. I had to design my page and add a few plugins:

• A plugin to make my comments look special. Whenever I make a comment, my comments will look different than the comments my visitors make.
• A plugin to protect my comments from spammers. You have to enter a security word to comment. Like when you sign up for an account and they have you enter a combination of letters and numbers.
• A plugin that adds quick tags to my blog so visitors can bold, italicize, underline etc. their text without typing the code in manually.
• I added some comment filters for spammers.
• Added filters for foul language. (I saw an actually plugin that I can use that will automatically change foul words to #%*$ (symbols). Maybe I should use that, just in case…

Yep, I found a way to end the boredom yesterday. I was so bored I found myself reading other people’s blogs…the ones styled by the author of course!

So what’s going on today?

I really don’t know…I woke up, played with Destin and got on the internet. I did have a strange vision 2 days ago. It wasn’t a dream at all. I mean I went to bed (The night I cried myself to sleep) after praying and I lied down and started thinking. The next thing I know I’m in a car and the vision had something to do with Johnathan. I can’t remember everything because it happened so quick. I think either he was on a cellphone…I really can’t remember. All I remember is being in the car and looking up and a jeep or truck came straight at the car getting ready to hit it head on! Then the vision was gone and I was back in my room on the bed lying down…weird huh?

I wonder what it means?

Jeremy told me Johnathan keeps stealing his Mom’s car…could this mean he’s going to steal the car and get into an accident I don’t know, but I’m not speaking anything like that into existence!

I’ve never had a vision though…

I’ve had daydreams: something you make up in your mind and your in control of, but I’ve never just had a vision! Wait a minute…Hmmm. I think I have, but I’m not really sure because In my heart I don’t think it was a vision, I think it was real…

Earlier in my blog I wrote about having those end of the word nightmares! One day I had a dream I was going to this College downtown [name of college is removed] and I saw large white crafts shaped like this: hovering over the college. The crafts started falling apart and the pieces from them started falling to the ground. Students and other people that were outside around the school started screaming and running trying to dodge the falling objects. I was terrified and I started running from objects too! I knew in the dream the end had come! The objects sounded like an airplane faling from the sky! I woke up from the dream and it was morning. Jeremy was still asleep, but I still coud hear the sound of an airplane falling from the sky. I stood to my feet staring at the window when I saw two grayish brown orbs about the size of a bowling ball fall from the sky and hit the ground giving off a loud boom! The window even shuddered, even though I was terrified I walked slowly to the window to see what had fallen and Jeremy have woke up and said “What are you looking at?” When I went to see I saw nothing.

I believe I was still in the spirit and not in the flesh when I woke up from the dream. Ephesians 6:12 “…spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms”. (You read the rest) What are the heavenly realms? The realm you cannot see. This is the realm where the unclean spirits dwell, where the angels dwell, etc. Our flesh lives in the earthly realm. That’s why I said I believe I was in the spirit when I saw what I saw and Jeremy broke it and brought me back. I’m kinda glad he did. I don’t think I really wanted to see what was outside of my window. Man, it gives me chills, just thinking about it! But there’s a reason why God allowed me to see that, just like there’s a reason why God allowed Jeremy to wake up and stop me from seeing more.

Well enough talking about the unknown. HA HA! I know some of you that don’t believe in God or don’t have a greater undertanding of stuff like this thinks I’m insane, but that’s okay. If God wants you to know and understand, he’ll show you himself…like he showed me.

Today has been a rather boring day…

I wokeup after getting no sleep last night. I just couldn’t get comfortable. First it was too hot so I turned the heater off, then the bed was uncomfortable. I tossed and turned the entire night! Maybe it’s time to invest in a new mattress.

Ah, getting to the rest of my rather boring day…

Well I checked my bank account to see if I received my check from workers compensation. You see my benefits ended on the 15th of October unless my doctor filled out another C-84 which he did on the 6th of this month, so what’s the hold up? Last night I checked my account on the BWC website and saw that the C-84 was received on the 6th. I decided to check my account the next morning and if I didn’t get any money from them I’d give them a call. Today I called and I was told that the doctor put the wrong allowance code on the C-84. Okay???? Why does it take over a week to get that corrected? That shouldn’t be my job to search, find and fix! Man, all the problems fixing I’ve been having to do for these people I should be getting paid their salary. Everytime there’s a problem I’m the one to discover the problem and make the phone calls to see that the problem is fixed. Maybe I need to be working for the BWC.

Anyways…back to my rather boring day…

I worked on my spiritual warfare website, but I still won’t be adding a link to it until most of the links work. Umm…Oh yeah, I had some turkey ham, eggs, english muffin and strawberries for breakfast [whoopie doo].

Other than that I didn’t do much, but check out some baby photo contest to enter Destin in because he’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. Big bright eyes, lovely long lashes, curly-wavy hair, the most adorable smile and the most beautiful skin complexion I’ve ever seen! I can’t see how he could loose. He’s so beautiful people mistake him for a girl!

Oh ! I’m thinking of adding a comments link to my blog…hopefully I won’t get negative comments from any jerks and idiots! That’s the main reason why I’ve never had a comments link in the first place, but we’ll see how it goes won’t we…

Last night I cried myself to sleep because of something I gave up. All week I thought about this special and wonderful something that I had and I gave it up. Last night after I prayed I lied in my bed and started thinking about it again. The tears started pouring and I couldn’t stop crying. I want it back so bad. I wish I never gave it up. I wish I kept it. I regret giving it away with all my heart and soul and it’s killing me inside. I wish I could go back in time and get it back.

Things may have been different if I kept it…I can never get it back. I feel so terrible. I wonder what overcame me? I thought I was making the best decision for me and the kids. Now I regret the decision…

I never thought this would effect me like this, but it makes me want to cry…

Today my feelings are hurt once again. I keep being lied to. Jeremy lies so much and he can’t ever be truthful. No telling how many more secrets he has that I don’t know about. Man everyone is so disgusting to me because of there lifestyles. Here I am trying to live like Christ and be completely honest and humble and people still lie.

I’m am building such a hatred for these so-called people of God that are doing Satans work in the dark. *Scoffs* I know I shouldn’t hate anyone, but who can anyone trust? The people you think you can trust (church people) are the worst kind. At least wordly people you already know what’s up…what you see is what you get.

I will know the real from the fake by their fruits Matt 7:15-23. So where is the real? All I find is fake men and women of God! Where’s the real 5-fold ministry of the true Living God? I mean when you look at a teacher or pastor you have to look at their life and how they live and ask yourself this question:

Does this person’s lifestyle line up with the Word of God?

If it doesn’t then you need to run…run away as fast as you can! Don’t look back like Lot’s wife did, just run!

*Sigh*

I remember when I asked God to tell me if Jeremy was the man for me. I waited and one day at church I was starring at Jeremy. I don’t know why…He hadn’t done anything wrong, but that’s when I received my answer…God said no. Today I’m going to ask for confirmation. If God say’s no again then forget it. I’ll be obedient and move on.

I believe God said no because Jeremy isn’t honest at all. He lies and no telling what I’d be getting myself into if I married him. But who knows, it could be other reasons why He said no. It doesn’t matter what they are. If He said no it’s no. If God want’s me to know why He will reveal it.ÂÂ

I just had to write in my blog. My feelings were hurt and I have to express them. I’m always being lied to. I wish I can find someone who will be honest with me. This really sucks! Maybe I should ask God to deliver me from this situation too! I have the strength to leave. I might fast again for 3 days, I’ll ask God and if he says “No” then it will have to be over. I can only be obedient. God will show me what to do.