Today I really don’t feel like myself at all. I feel really crappy. I don’t feel like doing anything today. I even feel like I look crappy. Yesterday I feel like I looked prettier than today. Maybe it’s just me.

Last night was awful. I couldn’t really sleep at all. I believe the baby has turned from breech to vertex position because all of a sudden I’ve been going to the bathroom a lot and I’ve been having a lot of pelvic pressure that sometimes hurts. I don’t know how many times I was up last night to void. On top of that my joints in my legs were hurting, then I felt pain in my ribs like he had his foot there so I just couldn’t get to sleep at all.

Before I went to bed I decided to check myself and see if he turned upside down by lying flat on my back, closing my eyes and prodding for parts.

At the top I felt smaller hard parts which of course responded to my touching by squirming a bit where I could see the shape of the parts through my belly. Defiantly was a leg, baby arms aren’t that thick. I then prodded towards the bottom of my belly and felt something smooth and firm, but much bigger than a leg. It didn’t move or respond so I’m guessing it was his back. To what I felt baby has turned upside down, but I won’t be totally sure until I get confirmation next week at my 2-week checkup.

Other than that I really don’t feel like being here at work. I’m just not feeling it today. I feel like I’m not all here. I feel like I’m somewhere between light-headed and half dead almost. I can’t wait to have this baby so I can feel like myself again.

I have to meet with my attorney today too. So I need to put myself together for that at least until our meeting is over.

Well I finally got a hold of my Legal Aid attorney regarding the insurance thing and had a phone conference with her. I have to call her back tomorrow because I guess while I was at work she got in touch with my sorry ass caseworker. I have to reschedule the hearing tomorrow too. She said that the county never sent her a letter telling her of my hearing and she didn’t get any of my messages until this morning because she was out. So I was understanding and didn’t bite her head off about it.

In other news I’m meeting with my other attorney about the Talent 6 thing tomorrow so I’ve been gathering all the evidence to take to him. I’m still waiting on the check from the bank which should be here this week if not next week. I also have my banks investigation outcome to take to him as well. I wasn’t joking when I said I was suing for defamation of character. I wonder how much the attorney is going to charge to represent me? What ever it is it will be well worth it because I’m not going to allow anyone to lie on me and disrespect me just for telling the truth. I’ve had enough of that and this time I will be getting compensated for it.

I bought myself some new BE makeup today. I got that Brush-less mascara that I wanted and a lip kit that looks beautiful on me. I haven’t tried the mascara yet. I’ll try it tomorrow for work. It’s suppose to give you the look of false lashes which will be pretty cool! I know the Big Tease mascara also makes my lashes look really long and thick. No other mascara does that. Not even the Matte Moose mascara by Avon.

I’m going to purchase me a Rare Minerals to try and another mascara and foundation before I move so I can have it in stock until I learn where they sale BE in Florida.

Today I finally got another refrigerator, but that doesn’t fix the fact that I have to still buy groceries to replace the ones that spoiled. I should be compensated for the groceries that spoiled due to their defective fridge.

I also went to a hearing today regarding the whole insurance thing with Job and Family Services and my legal aid attorney didn’t even show up.

Tomorrow I’m going to call and get a new attorney because I told that woman several times about my hearing and she never called me back. I don’t have time for people not doing their job. That was clearly unprofessional and it looked really bad on her part. I ended up having to reschedule the hearing. Hopefully the next hearing date will be on a date when I am still here in this state so this can be taking care off. That really pisses me off. I can’t wait to get the hell out of this damn state!

I wasted my time leaving work early just to be stood up by my own attorney. If I was paying that stupid lady she would’ve showed up.

It has been a pretty crazy week when it comes to the top read post on my blog, but all will be right in time and this idiot has basically bought me a house in Florida with his lies and defamation so I don’t care I’ll just let him continue to build my case.

Man, it is so hot and I have no relief. Being 8 months pregnant in this 90 degree weather with no AC is torture. It doesn’t even cool down at night and the fan doesn’t do anything, but blow hot air. I haven’t gotten any sleep for 2 days because of this weather.

This apartment really sucks. They have a rude receptionist, they have no amenities (swimming pool, fitness center, etc.) The playground they have is damaged and has yellow caution tape around it. No AC, a refrigerator that doesn’t stay cold. I have the temperature set to coldest in my fridge, but the refrigerator doesn’t get any colder and the milk that I have that shouldn’t spoil until 7/31/07 since it’s soy milk has already spoiled because of the sorry ass fridge. On top of that the stove keeps letting off a gas smell because the pilot lights keep going out.

This apartment complex is a piece of shit. I shouldn’t have to complain to them to put a screen in the window in the hallway to keep bugs from coming in the building and protect a fatal accident if a small child climbs up and falls out the window. And I shouldn’t have to keep asking them to fix the screen in my living room that keeps coming off track also leading to a potential accident.

At least my apartment in Florida has AC (central air), a nice playground, tot lot, fishing area, basketball court, swimming pool, fitness center, and is a lot bigger in size for about $100 more a month.

I can’t wait to move and I can’t wait to have this baby now because I’m sick of carting this watermelon around. I want my body back. Maybe I’ll take the boys to the community pool again today to cool off.

I went to see transformers the other day and I have to say even though I was always an X-Men fan and didn’t really go for the talking robot thing, I really enjoyed this movie.

Movie Grade: A+

Pros: Excellent special effects and non stop action packed scenes. (I know those SE costs them a fortune!)

Cons: There wasn’t any.

This movie was awesome! Your 5+ year-old will love it and I’m pretty sure if you’re a Transformers fan you’d enjoy it, especially if I did and I never gave Transformers the time of day when I was growing up. This movie is way better than Fantastic 4 “The Rise of the Silver Surfer” which I have to say sucked ass.

Well this Independence Day wasn’t like all the previous ones. No family BBQ or anything like that. Instead I woke up, went to the mall and bought myself some new white tennis shoes, since I needed some really bad. I then went out to breakfast at Cracker Barrel and went home to take a nap.

I’ve been so tired so when I went to the doctor yesterday I discovered that my second blood test came back that I am slightly anemic. It could be because I haven’t been taking my prenatal vitamins and from the loss of blood when I was hemorrhaging from the blood clot. So she prescribed iron pills for me to take to replenish my iron.

When I went to pick up my prescription I find out that me and the kids no longer have health insurance due to my sorry ass case worker which I have already filed an appeal against because she doesn’t do her job and won’t call you back unless of course she receives a threat of filing with Legal Aid. When I lived in Mentor things like this never happened. My case worker was always on top of things and always called me back the same day or the following day.

Anyways, later around 8pm I took the kids Downtown to see the fireworks. Everyone was sitting patiently over the river when around 10pm the fireworks started and they were not where everyone expected. We all had to get up and gather on the sidewalk by the train tracks just to see them which really sucked. Well, this is my last Independence Day up here so whatever.

Here’s a few pics of the fireworks display:

I can relate to this song fully. It almost sounds like it’s me singing the words…

Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how’d it be if he had loved me, truly loved me, yes
I learned awhile ago that kind of thing never happens for me

And so I go around and just pretend love is not for me, I play the circus clown around my friends, make ‘em laugh then they won’t see
That you never let em see you sweat don’t want them to think, the pain runs deep, Lord knows its killin’ me

Chorus:
So I put on my makeup, put a smile on my face and if anyone asks me, everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dyin’ inside with my pride and a smile on my face, on my face

Sing it la la, la la la, la la la 2x

Sometimes I sit at home,by the phone, hoping he might call me, but he don’t call me
But then I realize, that dreams come true aren’t for girls like me, not like me

And so I go around with my head up like it ain’t no thang
and when the boys are ’round with all my friends, I’m into other things
Cause, you never let ‘em see you sweat
Don’t want them to thing the pain runs deep, Lord knows its killin me

Chorus

Its not that easy, sometimes its hard to(face the truth)its not the life that I would choose, but what else can I do, if he don’t love me, if he don’t want me.
I’m not about to sit around,and let myself go

Chorus

Sing it la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la

By Tamia

I have to look into the routes to drive to get to Florida so I can have a plan on what freeways to take there. I might go and purchase a map today so I can highlight the route. Or I might even go online and look for some directions which may be even easier to follow. I have to know where I am going.

When I get to Florida I will then have to set up everything like getting all my utilities turned on (especially the phone line), getting daycare, schools, and a job. All this will have to be set up by November so I can have things ready for the kids. Getting a good job is really important because I have to save money to buy a plane ticket and pay for them to come back which will be about $500-$600 for my kids and me together.

Today I had an appointment with my therapist to talk about the incidences of what happened to me when I was attacked and injured on the job. While talking about that as I have noticed, this incident has awakened a lot of painful memories of the past which brought on a lot of anger.

I also talked to him about a recent unfortunate event that took place in October of 2006 that has also stirred up a lot of anger within me being that it was almost a repeat if not worst of the previous incidents.

I want to finally open these doors of painful memories, confront them, begin the healing process and move on. I don’t want all that extra baggage with me when I finally move to Florida. Florida is a new start for me and with it I want to have a clear mind with no grudges or anger. It’s time to be free.

Today I am going to paint the apartment back white so it will be back the way it was when I moved in. I might wait until next Saturday to paint the kids room back, but I need to have this completed before the baby is born which will be very soon. I’m also getting the kids clothes ready for moving along with mine, throwing away stuff that is worn and packing up the things that they can no longer fit.

In August and September I’m going to start boxing up stuff for the move. I’m not bringing the kitchen table because I got it from Walmart and it’s a piece of junk, so that leaves me with:

1. My computer
2. My printer, scanner and mousepen
3. My computer desk
4. My couch
5. My bedroom set
6. Elijah and Destin’s bedroom set
7. The baby bed and play pen
8. My 2 end tables
9. My 4 lamps
10. All my dishes, silverware and cooking utensils
11. Our clothes and other miscellaneous articles

The reason I listed all that was so I can get a feel of how big of a truck to get so we can move.

I called the apartment yesterday to make sure they received my deposit which they have and they sent me a letter explaining what my address is, what is left over that I owe them, etc. I’m really glad that things are starting to come together. Step 1 is complete and now I am working on Step 2: Saving the money to move.

Well, I need to get started on these walls, their not going to paint themselves you know.