So how was everyone’s Thanksgiving?

Mine was kind of a drag because I regret not going to work and my mom stresses so much when it comes to holidays that I get stressed. Man I am not looking forward to Christmas. I don’t believe in it and I really don’t want to be stressed out about it unnecessarily– if that’s even an actual word.

Well I am in the process of trying to get my modeling career together. My family needs the money and this is something I really want to do. I believe I am talented, beautiful, and determined enough to succeed. I won a modeling/talent contract with Model Productions so I know I have what it takes! I just need to work towards it and stop procrastinating if I ever want to accomplish my goals.

I still will bartend, but modeling is going to be my main focus right now. I have my family here so babysitting won’t be an issue. It’s time for me to be happy. If I can’t be happy when it comes to having a loving relationship then I will just be happy with myself and my beautiful boys and my career.

Rizwan, thanks for your words of encouragement in the email you sent me. You really made my day.

Well I’m off to check my Google ads. The last time I checked I was at a little over $40 in earnings this month. So I’m surprised to see where I’m at now.

I might have to pick up a second job or something because since it is cold right now bartending is a little slow and I’m only getting 2 days a week. I’m not going to quit because I need the experience so I can get an even better job some where. How do I wish I was still living down south right now because making money as a bartender wouldn’t be a problem, I’d be easily making $150-$200 a night down there.

I’m going to try to pick up one of these seasonal jobs and see where it takes me until bartending starts picking up. We are supposed to be moving to a new and more upscale bar next month so hopefully that will help my income increase, especially because I know how to make all the fancy drinks. I have to work on Thanksgiving, but I might have someone work for me so I can stay at home and help out. I’m still trying to decide though because my family gets on my last nerves, but my friend wants to come over for dinner. I don’t know…I will make my final decision on Wednesday if I’ll work or not. It may be my best bet to work so I can avoid the unnecessary aggravation from them.

I’ll be glad when something happens for me because I really need my own vehicle and place. Sometimes I wish I could just hit the lottery or something… I’m tired of being nagged constantly, sleeping on the couch, and being singled out for whatever reason there is. I try to keep my “romantic” relationships confidential because with this family there is no way to win. I would like my friend to come over for dinner, but my family is such a pain in the ass I wonder if I’m making a big mistake and maybe I should just hold off…

Today I am going to work… red eyes and all! I have some kind of allergic conjunctivitis. The doctor said something I am allergic to irritated my eyes so hopefully it will clear up by Friday. I’m trying to update my sites in the little 30 minutes I have at the library.

I have so many comments to reply to on GrowBlackHair.net. The site’s doing pretty well with Google Adsense. I’ve earned a little over $30 this month. I see that the more content I add to the site and the longer it’s online, the more revenue I earn from Google. I am really proud of myself at this time.

I’ve decided to add a natural hair care section to my site soon because I’ve decided to grow out my relaxer and try a texturizer instead because it’s less damaging and it will allow me to keep my curls, but allow them to be more manageable. I want to wait until I have atleast 4-6 inches of new growth to start transitioning to the texturizer. While I am doing that I will be cutting an inch of relaxed hair off every 2 months. Basically for every inch I grow I’m going to cut off until all the relaxed hair is removed. I just need to find a good flat iron now.

This won’t be a long post either, but I just wanted to update my blog. I’ve been sick with the flu for 2 days. I’ve been taking vitamin c, drinking OJ, tea, and sucking on throat drops for my sore throat. Hopefully I will be better by tomorrow because I hate being sick.

I’m going to go buy some Cod Liver “digusting” Oil so I won’t ever get sick again. The boys are all sick too except for Jeremiah who has gotten better since he started his antibiotics.

I am so tired today so this won’t be a long post…

Jeremiah kept me up all night because he’s had a high fever and major congestion. I took him to the doctor this morning and they told me he has an upper respiratory infection so I had to get him son antibiotics and cold medicine. Poor baby.

Oh yeah and I got a phone today Yay! I ended up getting T-mobile.

I have a headache so I’m going to go get Elijah from school and then I’m going back to sleep.

Today I have to work again. I may go get a phone tomorrow afternoon from Revol because I’m tired of everyone being in my business about who I am talking to on the phone and trying to control how long I am on the phone like I’m a 15 year old child! I also want to put an ad on craigslist to advertise myself as a bartender and it would be better if people could get a hold of me directly.

Yesterday Jean’eene and I purchased a cabin club at this resort. They provide indoor and outdoor swimming pools, canoeing and kayaking, fishing, horse back riding, a game room with all kinds of arcade games, jacuzzi’s, a waterpark, paintball and more! They also provide major discounts on travel which is a plus so hopefully if I meet someone special and start building a relationship with them then we can go to the cabin for New Years. If not we can always invite our friends and have a big new years party at the cabin!

I can’t wait until I get enough experience at the bar I’m working at now so I can apply and get hired at a more upscale establishment where I will be working full time and making more money. I really need to make at least $500 a week so I can move out. They moved me from Thursday night to Saturday night because they claimed the girl that works Saturday night keeps screwing up. Hopefully Saturday nights will give me the opportunity to make more elaborate drinks instead of just serving beers.

Tonight will be my first day without my trainer! I’m actually going to take home some money for once! I’m excited, but also nervous because tonight is going to be booming due to the fact that the football game is going to be starting today. I’m going to be worked to the bone, but I’m going to have a stack of cash by the end of the night!

Saturday I plan on going to the mall so I can buy an outfit for Saturday. I don’t plan on spending no more then $50 on my outfit. I’m leaning towards a cute skirt, sweater and a pair of boots because I have a date on Saturday and I want to step out of my boundaries (wearing jeans all the time) and wear a skirt.

Well I need to write a new article for growblackhair.net and check my Google ads balance. I plan on using my next Google ads check to pay for the remaining hosting this year so I won’t have to make another payment for 12 months which will be very convenient for me than to have to worry about paying hostgator every month.

I’ve set a goal of 30 days to move out. I’ve had enough!

If I can get 2 more days at the bar or make at least $200 in tips on the 2 nights I do work I will be okay to move out because that will be $400 a week and $1600 a month. I can’t take anymore of the nonsense here!

I’m tired of feeling like the “outcast” and being picked on. I do not like living in a situation where I feel like everyone is against me and has formed their own cliche. Sometimes they even act like I don’t even exist. Or I receive comments from my Mom with negative energy input into them like she’s trying to draw me into and argument with her and when I refuse to respond then here she goes. It’s like a no win situation. I haven’t done anything to anyone and no matter how much I try I’m still the one that get’s picked on about every little thing. These people act so nasty towards me without any given reason. I come to the library to get peace even if it’s for a few hours because I’m tired of the hostile enviroment.

Home is supposed to be a place to retire from all the chaos that you run into while your out. Your suppose to find peace at home. Home is supposed to be the place that you can relax, wind down, and be at peace. It’s not suppose to be like this. Anytime I lived on my own [without Jeremy], I had peace at home. My son’s can be a handful, but they don’t ever cause me to feel uneasy.

I’m making it my business to be out of this hell hole by December!

I know I said I wasn’t going to complain about this anymore but I have to share this one…

Last night I decided to try some new recipes and cook for my family. I decided on an African menu adopted from Morocco. It took me tons of time to prepare the meal. I went to the store and bought all the ingredients, I had to grill the Cornish Hens, and then I cooked this delicious rice consisting of beef, tomato’s, mushrooms, green peppers, etc. I slaved over the meal and everyone ate except Jea’neene and Malcolm because they went to Applebee’s for a “to go” plate. When it was time to clean up no one helped me. I wanted to see if my Dad would even ask them to help because if it was me I would’ve been getting yelled at even if I didn’t eat. There has been times when Jea’neene and Malcolm were cleaning up and I could be upstairs attending to Jeremiah and my Dad comes up complaining and yelling at me to go help in the kitchen, but did anyone yell at them to help me? Nope. I had to do everything myself and I didn’t get to bed until after 1am. I didn’t complain, I just humbly cleaned the kitchen on my own despite the fact that my back was killing me. I am so tired of this situation…

I just wanted to see if I was overreacting about the whole ordeal, but last night was solid proof of what I’ve been complaining about all along. It just isn’t fair. Everybody I’ve ever told about my situation always asks me the same question. “Why do they do you like that?” and I honestly don’t have an answer to that question. I guess that’s why I’ve always been so determinded to have my own things and do everything myself. I just don’t feel like I have anyones support. It’s getting to the point where I’ve been having dreams about this situation! I guess my frustrations have started to spill into my dreams.