This is how it looked outside in the middle of the day yesterday during a huge snow storm we had. It snowed all Wednesday until about 7pm. Crazy huh? It was an estimated 20 inches on snow that fell, but I haven’t been outside with a yard stick to check the accuracy of that prediction yet. I’m currently waiting on my refund from my school so I purchase my books for class and have bus fare saved up to catch the bus. It will also aid in me being able to pay my phone bill and I can just pay my web-hosting bill for the entire year so I won’t have to pay it again for 12 months.

Hopefully I can find a job before the money actually runs out so I won’t be scrapping for change just to get back and forth to school. It costs $4.50 a day to catch the bus and I’m down to my last $5. I really wish God will bless me with some type of employment. It’s not like I’m not making a conscious effect to gain employment. What’s the big deal?!

The good news is that Brian is coming back to Cleveland today. I am a little excited, but for some reason I find myself rather calm. Maybe it’s because reality of him being here with me hasn’t really set in yet. I love him so much and I can’t wait to see him, but I’m not nervous or anxious to say the least. My mood is rather quiet today…

I was invited to go to the movies to see some 3D scary movie with my friend Tenisha and Terrance. I remember the last movie we saw together…”The Unborn”. That movie really freaked me out. I couldn’t sleep well for 3 days because of the weird, freaky things that I witnessed in the movie. It took a really sick person to come up with the idea of making a paralyzed man’s body twist into a shape of something similar to a spider and then to add to the weirdness of that his head twisted completely upside down. That was the most disturbing scene in that movie to me! I hope this movie is not as weird. I don’t want to lose anymore sleep due to some stupid movie. My imagination is part of the problem because it will just run wild. Well I have to go write an article for Grow Black Hair Online before Tenisha gets here.

Today I found out that I was approved for a federal pell grant. I am so happy now because I can finally purchase my books so I can actually do my work. I have 2 weeks to catch up on my math. So as soon as I purchase my books I’m going to work my ass off to catch up on the math assignments.

I went to Koinonia Homes today to try to get hired back. I was told that I could always come back if I wanted to because I never left on bad terms so hopefully they will hire me back. I really hope so because at this point it doesn’t seem like there is anything else left when it comes to decent jobs in Ohio and I don’t know how much more I can take of my parents nonsense. I can’t even get a ride home from school without them complaining about it. Sometimes I grow tired of even discussing how they mistreat me so. It is pointless and talking to them doesn’t change a thing. I really hope God blesses me with a job very very soon so I can move out.

I applied for a job with the city in November and it was my understanding that if I didn’t get hired that they would refund me my $10 that I paid for the application. I’m still waiting to hear from them. That would be great to get a job with them because it’s $14 an hour and since my family are so inconsiderate about allowing me to use a vehicle or even get a ride I can just take the bus until I make enough to get myself a car.

I have something to be happy about today though! I have money for school now. I don’t have to drop out!! I’m going to work my ass off and try to make this count for something. I want to do web-design because I love it and if I can get a job doing something along that line I will not only be well off, but I will be happy too because it’s something that I’m good at.

I really like going to school because it gives me time to get out of the irritation and hell that my family puts me through on a daily basis, but waiting on late ass buses in extreme temperatures and waiting on financial aid really truly sucks. I am so tired of waiting for things. I am tired of waiting on a job, waiting on a change, waiting for people to pay whats due to them, waiting on everything! It seems like I’ve been waiting my whole life and no matter how much I try to make things change for the better I find myself still in the same predicament… waiting! I’m also tired of going to school for different things with the promise that something will happen for me just to gain more disappointment…*sigh*

I have to catch the bus in the cold to school, to look for work, and when I get a job to work. After today’s fiasco I wonder how that’s really going to work when public transportation proves non-reliable. It’s a shame that my family have 3 vehicles and my little sister can drive the car my mother pays for with her disability money to and from work, to have fun, to stay out all night with her boyfriend, but I can’t even use the car just to do something useful like finding a job, going to work and school. Instead I am told to catch the bus and when my boyfriend sends me money so I can catch the bus my Mom has the nerve to make a big ass fit over it. Am I suppose to be miserable and unhappy? It seems like they are only satisfied when I am. My sister puts everything and person before me and I am treated like the outcast or the stepchild. I hate it here! If it wasn’t for my kid’s I would leave and move to California with Brian just so I can get the fuck out of here.

I dreaded coming back here when I left Florida because I knew it was going to be nothing, but hell for me. Now I am waiting for my break so I can finally have the means to get my own spot and be away from my family whom can’t even help me do shit!

I started to school today and I’ve identified what classes are going to be an issue and what classes aren’t. I also dropped my Macintosh class because it requires me to be at school after 7pm which is something I’d rather not do because of the weather. I’ve also changed my speech class to one that starts at a later time so I won’t have to be at school until 10am. This is the last time I’m taking classes during the Spring semester while not having a car. They should call it the winter semester instead because it’s a blizzard outside right now and in Ohio you can expect cold weather from November until April or even May (When the semester ends!). I will be only taking Summer and Fall classes for now on.

My financial aid hasn’t come through yet either so I can’t even do any of my math assignments or purchase any of my books that I need for school. If I had a job I could do at least buy some of my books. I really wish I could get hired somewhere… Depending on how long it takes I will be behind unless I can borrow some money from someone to pay for the disk that goes with the class. I hope I am approved for financial assistance.

I have to wait on my sister to get off of work so I can get a ride home because it is too dangerous and cold to be catching the bus. While I’m waiting I’m going to make some more changes to my blog and start on the new natural hair care section on growblackhair.net.

I am feeling something I have never felt before and it is crazy. I always thought I couldn’t learn to love anyone, but myself, my children, and close family members, but I’ve some how fallen in love and the way I feel is like nothing I have ever felt before…

I sometimes feel like screaming, crying, sighing. It makes me take a deep breathe just to keep my cool. Sometimes I even feel weak all over. The love I have for this man has bound me so deeply and I am vulnerable to him… I can’t stop saying “I love you.” to him. This is insane, but I’ve never been so happy.

Never in a million years would I think my first love Brian would be the man I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

I have to admit my love life is actually a good one for once. Here I was looking for love and it was always there in front of me. I guess I just had to find my way and I finally have and I’m loving every bit of it…

Sweetvanillasugar
The economy has been having a personal effect on me and that is the reason why my site was down. It is very difficult to find decent employment and I remain at my parents house still in search for work. Sometimes I think about becoming a police officer just to have a decent job. It’s not something I want to do with a passion, but if push comes to shove and that is the only option left I must. I’ve been in Ohio since July 27th and I have yet to find consistent employment. I wonder what January has in store for me? Will I finally find a job so I can become independent or will it continue to be the same issue…

I hope you like the new layout. I know I do. It isn’t exactly my theme because as you already know I don’t have my own computer right now so this is a premade theme edited by me of course. I just finished making the changes today although I can’t get the Twitter bar to look just right..oh well… It still serves it’s purpose.