I can not stand the weather in Ohio. I left out this morning around 10:20am on my way to school and the weather was quite nice for Ohio around this time. It was in the 40s, but when I left school around 1:30pm I felt the chill through the double doors. The weather went from 40 something to low 30s in a matter of hours. It will be in the low 20s tomorrow and back to the 40s by the end of the week. The weather in Ohio is never consistent. You never know what to expect. I can’t wait until I am able to move from here again and stay gone for good. I really hate cold weather.

Today I started on the new site design for sweetvanillasugar. It’s starting to look really nice. The base is a nice vanilla color and I created a colorful, simple, candy theme. I really don’t want anything super elaborate. I’ll leave that to the free designs I create. I know sooner or later I’m going to have to purchase Adobe photoshop though because I only have 23 days left to use it. Well I gotta go to bed it’s really late and I plan on spending time with Brian tomorrow. An empress has to get her beauty sleep.

Today I spent the day with Brian. I was really tired and I decided to do most of my work at home and email it to my teacher. I am still very behind in my math. Today I spent the day with Brian. I was really tired and I decided to do most of my work at home and email it to my teacher. I am still very behind in my math.I wish we didn’t have to take math courses to get a degree for learning web-design and digital graphics. The whole class is online and they want you to do so much in a small amount of time. With everything that’s been going on including my sister having her baby early and all I’ve been losing focus on my studies for the last 2 weeks. I find myself tired all the time because I’ve been up late with Jeremiah and I’ve been doing even more around the house than before. I actually ended up going to Brian’s house and just sleeping the whole entire time!

I cleaned up my blog some more today and changed a few things. I ended up deleting my FAQ page because most of the questions are answered on my credits page so it served no purpose. I deleted my pages page and replaced it with a page called sites where my other sites will be located along with sites that I really admire. I also also decided to change my favicon (clear your cache to see it) and the calendar icon from the emerald to my original idea…a planet with rings. I just had to find a good tutorial on how to make a planet with rings. The emerald just took away from the layout completely, but now I am really happy with the way my site looks now.

Eternally-me.com is going to be launched officially on March 1st. The same day I will be deleting SweetVanillaSugar.com and making a temporary page until I make up my mind what i want to do with the domain. I’ve also added a ban plugin to my new blog so I won’t have to go through all the harassment I went through on sweetvanillasugar.com.

Today I went to take my civil service exam. I’ve been praying that I get one of the highest scores on the exam and I was so nervous when I went because I had no idea what was going to be on the test. It’s really weird to take a test that you don’t prepare for. As I waited in the room filled with tables with people sitting at almost every table. I estimated that it was about 20 people there taking the same exam I started to wonder if there was a position for all of us. I thought to myself that these were people I had to compete with for this job and I knew I needed to get a really high score to be one of the lucky people picked for the job.

The supervisor over the man that gave the test came in to answer questions and it was to my understanding that taking the exam and getting a high score didn’t guarantee employment. The civil service exam announcement didn’t really mean that the positions were actually available so it really isn’t a guarantee that I will even get a job. Even after all I’ve gone through just to take the test! That broke my spirits because I felt like I was probably wasting my time, but it’s still a chance so I decided to do the best I could possibly do on the test.

As we began to take the test I found that the test was one of the easiest tests I’ve ever taken. The first 30 questions or so were basically reading comprehension. There were a few questions about proper use of vocabulary and on driving. I’m pretty sure I got almost all the questions right. I’m confident that my score will be in the 90′s if not 100%.

After the test I was in a pretty good mood so I went to Tower city and did some very light shopping because I don’t have a lot of clothes right now. I purchased a pink hoodie, 2 bra tanks, and a black knit shirt off the clearance rack at the Rave. I then went into Rainbows and purchased 2 green tops and a beautiful green scarf. I decided that was enough so on my way to the rapid I grabbed a Cinnabon to eat and go on the train.

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I really hope that the city is hiring and this wasn’t all for nothing. I tired of living like this. The money that I have now isn’t going to last forever.

Today is the first day I decided to take my laptop to school. I brought it to school because I wanted to write in my blog while I was eating lunch and my sister is coming home today from the hospital so well you know. I paid way too much money to have something happen to my laptop, but I really don’t like taking it out the house either. Besides that it’s really nice to be able to use my laptop in the cafeteria for a little bit. Next time I will bring my charger so I can use it longer because it only has 2 1/2 hours of battery life.

I really wish I would’ve bought me some T.V. dinners for lunch. The only thing I will eat at school is cheese pizza and with my lactose intolerance it really isn’t a good idea even with taking a lactose pill which sometimes don’t seem to work for me.

Right now I’m contemplating if I want to go to class or if I want to just do my lab in the library and email it to my instructor. It was fairly easy to do this when we were in the Microsoft Word chapter, but now were are in the Excel chapter and even though I have trained and learned Excel in the past I still don’t know how to do everything, but my book will guide me how to complete the assignment. So maybe I will do it in the library and get it over with. I also really behind on Math. I plan on catching up completely during our Spring break. I really hate math. I hope I can complete all the assignments and pass the course. I’d be happy with a C.

I got my speech back today and I did horrible. I knew I didn’t prepare it well. My speech was about Relocating and I talked about the do’s and don’ts of relocating based on my Florida experience. I didn’t do very well. I was nervous as all hell so I ended up getting a 6.3 out of 10 which is not good. Next time my speech will be a lot better.

Last night I dreamed about Jeremy. It wasn’t a very good dream either when it came to him. In the dream I needed him to take me somewhere and I don’t know why I would ask him of all people. In my waking life I wouldn’t ask Jeremy for “shit”, but in my dream I did and in my dream I was still under the assumption that he was still in either Oklahoma or Texas. Jeremy ended up taking me to a city known as Valley View to get something and I remember he was driving a white car that looked similar to a white Pontiac he once owned.

After that I tried to thank him and he was mean and arrogant and tried to dog me out. When I got back home my Dad was there and I explained what happened because I was now under the assumption that Jeremy was lying about where he was actually living. I had a feeling that he was now living in Ohio…the dream me wasn’t very bright when it comes to that either…LOL!

The next thing that happened was Jeremy came over again and tried to just take Destin. He just came in and tried to take Destin, but Destin opened my room door and said “Mommy”. When I looked up I saw Jeremy and I quickly got up and confronted him. I told him he wasn’t taking Destin no where unless I was going too. I feared that he wouldn’t bring Destin back to me. Jeremy argued with me and told me he was going to take Destin regardless of what I said. By now I had Destin in my arms and I made Jeremy leave. He then tried to take him again later that day, but I stopped him and we argued. I told him I had a dream about him that was negative and I called him a few names and told him to get out. A little later Jeremy came back with a box of stuff for the boys…I guess. I really don’t know what the stuff was for, but I assumed it was for the boys in my dream. I don’t know why because in my waking life on the rare occasion when he does send stuff it’s usually just for Destin.

My family never stops…

Yesterday I noticed a comment posted to my blog on the 17th and the commenter had a serious issue with the post titled My First Laptop. To my surprise when I traced the IP of the commenter I received information on the carrier and the city in which the comment was made which was a near by city. This specific city is in the area in which my sister’s boyfriend lives and where she works. Further more the carrier was Alltel. The only thing I know Alltel provides when it comes to internet is internet on the phone. The person used a cell phone to look at my site and make comments. I know my sister’s boyfriend has his phone through Alltel. On top of that I believe the person was someone from my family and I’ve narrowed it down to being my own damn sister!

I mean really…. she gets all these privileges: free car, cell phone in my moms name, etc. All I get is a couch to sleep on. I get bitched at for every little thing and the only outlet I have is my blog to keep myself sane and it’s like I can’t even enjoy this one small pleasure if you wanna call it that. My family tries to control everything I do and my sister is always trying to start shit. I don’t know why she can’t mind her own business and focus on her own life instead of adding more hell to my life. I could give so many example’s of how my own sister lies and says things without my knowledge to get shit started in our home. Then I have to deal with the drama while she sits back and watches. Lately I was getting bitched at about me writing things in my blog, but my mom and dad don’t know how to use the internet and my little brother just doesn’t do things to create drama like that. Hmm… I wonder how they know what I wrote?

You have a car that you don’t have to pay for, a free place to stay, you don’t get bitched at constantly about everything, and you have a cell phone in our mother’s name. I have nothing, but my children, my cell phone and laptop (all things that I had to get myself), and it still isn’t enough because you still pursue to create drama and make life hard for me.

I can’t wait to move out. This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. And now I can’t even be at peace in the cyber world.

I was thinking of retiring SweetVanillaSugar and buying a new domain that really fit me and this has given me a even greater reason to do so. As soon as I finish my new layout I will be switching to a new domain. I will added a post and a link to my new domain and it will be up for 30 days. After that SweetVanillaSugar will be officially retired.

Today was pretty boring. I had to update the comment form on my new theme to remind commenter’s what will happen if rude comments are left on my blog. For anyone out there that has a problem with what I write about in my blog I have one word for you: “LEAVE!” If you need a better description of what that mean’s read the site’s Disclaimer paying close attention to the 5th and final paragraph.

Well on to other things…

I had my hair braided yesterday and I never expected it to take so long or to be so expensive. I wanted to try something different because I haven’t done anything for just myself in a while. I’ve been going to school, looking after the boys, and listening to everyone complain. It’s about time I do something strictly for myself and that’s what I did. Even though they look nice I don’t think I will be getting my hair braided again anytime soon. I walked into the salon at 9:30am and I didn’t walk out of there until 8:48pm. I don’t even want to disclose how much it cost for me to get my hair braided. The price was insane and that is the reason why I won’t be having my hair braided again.

For the past week I’ve been taking care of business little by little. I paid my credit card bill off completely, my hostgator bill is paid up for 6 months, and I paid T-mobile. I only have my T-mobile bill to pay every month.

Did I mention that I have to go take a civil service exam on the 25th? I was so happy when I got the letter in the mail. I really hope and pray that I pass the exam with flying colors and get the job. I will finally be able to move out of here and get a vehicle and make my fantasies a reality. I find myself at times imagining how I would furnish my apartment and how the boys room would look. I want to get a decent apartment and my boys will get the master bedroom. Elijah and Destin will have bunk beds and Jeremiah will have a toddler bed. The toy box will sit at the foot of the bunk bed and a small entertainment system with Elijah’s PS2 will be a few feet away from the toy box in the corner of the room. I don’t really care about how my room or the rest of the apartment will look at the moment. I always find myself only fantasizing about how the boys bedroom will look.

I’m working on a new theme for the site because my old one doesn’t work in WordPress 2.7.1 for some reason. So the site will be looking weird over the next couple days.

Today my mood is happy…honestly happy isn’t even the word. I just found out earlier today that my emperor is not going back to California. He is here to stay and that was the best Valentine’s day gift I could ever asked for. We spent all of… well most of yesterday together. I ended up staying the night because I fell asleep and when I woke up I only had 8 minutes to get my coat on and get to the bus stop that is about 2 blocks down from where he stays. So I texted my mom and told her I was spending the night and spent a wonderful night with my emperor. We ended up watching the movie Twilight until we both fell asleep and he held me all night while we slept. I am so in love with that man. I hope everyone else had a great Valentine’s Day.

I’m thinking about putting braids in my hair for a few months so I won’t have to style my hair. All I’ll have to do is wash, deep condition and moisturize my hair with a good leave in conditioner, oil sheen, or braid sheen spray. I’m going to have my little sister braid the back of my hair because I can’t see back there and I want my braids to look really nice.

Well I have to go to bed now. I am really worn out and tired.

My heart speaks words that the ears can never hear;
My emotions are not able to be expressed by words alone;
No amount of words on this earth or in this galaxy can even come close
to the love that has consumed my soul…

I shed tears when I think about the angel God has sent me;
What greater gift than an innocent child, but
An emperor with love that purifies my soul;
His love speaks to my heart;
His words speak to my soul;
I am bound by love eternally…

This feeling has loosened my chains;
I have spawn wings to fly;
soaring high, powered by undying love;
eternally yours;
eternally true;
What else can I say…I love you.

My most precious possessions are yours to have;
my heart;
my soul;
my life;
All which are priceless;
Worth more than gold, silver, and precious stones;
Worth more than anything on this earth and the next…

Those 3 words can never express the emotions I have inside;
My heart speaks words that the ears can never hear;
My emotions are not able to be expressed by words alone;
Even though these 3 words can never measure up to what I feel inside;
I love you.
I love you.
I love you….

I got a new lab top today. I used some of my refund money from school to get it and I have to say I paid more money for it than I wanted to. I had my eye on this acer lab top that was $449, but I ended up getting one that was over $500 because it had more memory and GB. I can now get on the internet and work on my site’s and blog and on my school work too which is most important to me.

Today was a little stressful today. More stupid unneccessary drama that is useless to discuss, but yeah… the drama happened today and of course everyone tries to say I’m wrong and selfish…. I never thought I would be called selfish for going to Best Buy to purchase a lap top for school. I mean I am going to school to get a degree for Interactive Media! You tell me why I am selfish when I asks my mom and sister to pick me up from Best Buy and when no one wants to I called my Dad whom called my Mom and told her to get me and then she got mad at me because she just didn’t want to I’ve now decided that I won’t ask them to do anything for me because it seems like there is always an obstacle when it comes to them doing them things for me.

Well I’m glad I have a lab top. That’s one step towards making something happen. Things will get so much easier when I finally have a job somewhere. I just know that as soon as I get a job somewhere and I mean a “good” job, that things will begin to come together like they should I can finally have peace. I’m tired of being distraught and irritated when I feel that I’m being treated unfairly.

Brian my Eternal Emperor

My love life has been so great. For once in my life I finally feel loved and I can express myself beyond words to him. I have never been able to say I love you so easily to someone other than my boys. God I love that man so much and nothing, no thing, or person will ever come between us again…