I don’t even know what to write about today. My back is aching so much right now. This pain just came over me all of a sudden and it feels like someone just took something and bashed me in the back. The pain intensifies when I bend and stretch. Just the slightest turn of my torso makes it hurt even more. As soon as I finish cooking dinner and bathing the boys I’m going to put the boys to bed and take a hydrocodene and take my ass to bed too.

Today was same ole, same ole, except the fact that I was able to borrow my sisters car while I was at work and went to sign up for the Civil Service Exam for a Cleveland Police Officer. This will be the second time I will be taking an exam this year. Hopefully this time around it will be worth my time because despite my efforts and high score on the last exam, no one ever called me for a job. Honestly I’m not even putting all my faith into it this go around. I’m at the point where I just don’t really give a fuck, but I’m really tired of working for scraps. I’m tired of not having enough, living paycheck to paycheck; Applying for loans because I don’t have enough just to be declined; Longing for things, but I can never get them; Wearing the same raggedy shoes I purchased last year; Washing the same 5 pairs of jeans over and over; Looking for a way out; Catching the bus; walking long distances; dreaming, wishing, hoping…. I’m just plain fucking tired of my situation and no matter how I strive to change it, it always seems like I end up right where I started with completely nothing, but fucking disappointments!!

Wow, I didn’t know this entry was going to become another one of my rants, but sometimes you just get tired of the same fuckin’ shit day, after day, after day!

We finally moved again and the apartment is an okay apartment. I was happier with the style of the other one, but the bedbug issue was one thing I couldn’t get pass. The other apartment had an eat in kitchen and a huge living room area and a huge master bedroom. The boys were going to have the master bedroom because it was so big. I absolutely loved the kitchen and their bedroom and I hated having to move because of the landlord not doing his job.

The new apartment has a very small kitchen and a dining room and living room that’s all connected together. It has 2 bedrooms that are both small and it’s very old style. It still has furnaces and the windows are really old styled. I was very reluctant to move, but we gotta make the best of things. I can’t wait until we can move into a house so we won’t have to deal with this shit anymore.

Anyways, the health department called me back and said that they were going to come inspect the apartment and have the landlord get rid of the bugs. We were already in the process of moving, but I said ok, because I felt bad for the tenants that were staying. That is the last time I will help anyone! We couldn’t finish moving until this morning and while Brian was getting the remainder of our things he over heard the same tenants that talked about the landlord like he ain’t shit talking to the landlord about us. Calling us “slow”, “uppety”, and “crazy”. They even snitched on me about calling the Fire Marshall to save their lives! What weak, two-faced, ungrateful bastards! I hope I never see none of those bitches because I don’t see how I can be “crazy” or “uppety” because I choose not to subject myself or my children to living in a filthy bug infested environment! Anyone whom chooses to live that way is crazy. I knew we had no choice to move when I suggested to them for all of us to come together and put our rent into escrow to get him to get rid of the bugs and they kept making excuses why they couldn’t.

*Sigh*

With our wedding only 3 months away I sometimes wonder how we’re going to pay for it all… especially after this.

My life has been an ongoing nightmare since the end of this last Spring. I’ve moved 3 times already, and I’m about to move again because the apartment we moved in is infested with bedbugs! Thank God we didn’t have any furniture when we moved in! I just don’t understand how out landlord could move new people in(especially people with children), into an apartment knowing that it’s infested. We just moved on July 9th, and I’ve been at my parents home for the last 2 weeks. All our money down the drain! We can’t win for losing! I can’t sleep there, eat there, and it’s a total waste of time trying to furnish that place. I refuse to buy furniture or sleep in an apartment where I know that bugs are going to come out while I sleep and feed on me!

When I discovered the bug infestation I told the landlord and he wouldn’t even call an exterminator. Instead he pretended to call one and I was under the impression that he was going to send a company known as Thermapure to destroy the bugs because he gave us a list of items to remove from our apartment that had the companies  name on it.

We went to Cedar Point on the day of the extermination and I paid someone to watch our cat, Sapphire. Something just didn’t sit well with me about the extermination the weekend before because I didn’t notice any of the other tenants removing items from their apartment. While we were in Cedar Point we called the landlord and he told us that the exterminator wants to go over our apartment 2 more times. I didn’t understand that because I thoroughly researched Thermapure and I never read anything saying that there was a need to treat the area more than once.

I ended up calling off of work because of that reason as well as some other reasons and waited to see what was really going on. I also spoke to one of the tenants whom told me that the bed bug problem has been going on for about 5 months before we moved in and that they knew nothing about an extermination. I was so angry hearing that the landlord not only lied, but mislead us in when moved us in. I was then told by another tenant that she observed him heating my apartment with a propane tank and a fan!!

Around 9am, our landlord came to the apartment carrying 2 propane tanks and when I confronted him about only treating our apartment and not getting an exterminator, he changed his whole story claiming since we’re the only ones having the problem right now, he’s going to only treat our apartment. I also told him how we had to sleep in our rental car that night because of the bugs, how the every apartment needed to be treated to kill them, and how the bugs fed and suvive(up to 2 years without food),  he just brushed me off like it was nothing so I called Brian whom promptly called and cursed him out.

I then decided to call the health department, building department, fire marshall, tenant/landlord association, an attorney, our cities municipal court, and Thermapure. After telling Thermapure what was going on they asked for his information because they were going to more than likely sue him for mimicking their technique and trying to make us think that they were coming out. The Fire Marshall called him because of the propane tanks that he was using to heat our apartment and possibly blow everyone up, and the attorney and the tenant landlord association told me to threaten to put our money into escrow. The health department didn’t help me none because it’s bedbugs and not roaches.

This situation is so unfair. I couldn’t think of any solutions at all. I don’t want to continue to live with my parents, or sleep in that infested apartment, but we have no money to move so I told Brian to tell the Landlord that we are moving out and will like our money back. He agreed to give us our money back, but then offered to a new building with his guarantee that the apartment is 100% bedbug free.

What the fuck are we going to do?!

I have so much to write about, but now that it is almost 4am in the morning, I’d rather wait until tomorrow.

I decided to create a new theme for my blog yesterday in my favorite colors: Pink & Green. I call this theme “Simple Eternal Pleasure”, because I’m going for that simple clean look. Not quite there yet, but I’m well on my way.

I would like to rant about my stupid job before going to bed though…

As you may already know if your a regular reader of my blog, I busted my ass looking for a job. I came back to Ohio in July 2008, and didn’t find a job until April 2009. My job only paid me $8/hour and I was supposed to be part-time. I never really applied for this job. I actually applied for a full-time third shift position, but the woman that interviewed me hired me for her company instead working for chump change. My last check was only $325!

To remind you of some of the bullshit I’ve been going through with this job, when I first got hired 2 girls were leaving. They hired another girl, whom never showed up and I ended up working 6 days a week, but never achieved 40 hours a week! I hated going to work everyday like that and not even being paid for it! My highest check amount was a little over $400. I kept asking them to hire someone else because the constant work and low pay was burning me out. I ended up referring my frined Tenisha, when they failed to hire someone, just to find out they hired her on with no experience at a quarter more than me. I then later found out that another new girl got hired in at .75 more than me. I was furious and threatened to quit. The supervisor got mad at Tenisha for telling me how much she made, but I just understand how they can make me work 6 days a week, and when they hired more people they still have me working more than anyone, but I get paid less! The owner called and offered me a .50 pay raise to stay. I accepted it for now, just to find out that she only gave me a quarter raise. How fucking dishonest is that? Not to mention they then changed my hours without notice to accommodate this new girl. I have to pick my children up from day-camp at 3:30pm, but my idiot supervisor puts me on the schedule to work until 4pm after I told her this! When I talked to her about it, she refused to fix it and told me I’d just have to work it out with my sitter, because I have no set schedule and that my schedule is based on the needs of the house! She even had the nerve to say I need to give back. I basically saved their asses when 2 people didn’t show for work and I had to work 6-day shifts for a month because both the supervisor and owner went on vacation at the same time!

I’ve been working from 8:30am-2:30pm since the beginning of the summer, my daycare vouchers are based on these hours and now they just change up on me like that? Sounds to me like your not accomodating the needs of the house, but of new people!  That was the last straw. I’ve already decided on the day I’m going to give them 2 weeks notice!

Well I had to do my ranting for the day. Now I’m about to go shower and get a few hours of sleep.

Yes, you read right. I’m finally getting married to the man of my dreams, Brian (Laureate Earl Chancey) Crayton. We will be getting married this year on November 20th. We were planning on waiting until next year, but Brian just didn’t want to wait any longer and he can’t stand the thought of going into the new year without being married. So here we are 4 months and 20 days away from the big “I do”. So much work to do, planning, and money to be saved. BTW: We’ve launched our own wedding website at SweetVanillaSugar.COM.

We aren’t having a big wedding, but it still costs. I don’t want to be married in a church, and neither does he so we are going to rent a hall. If we would’ve waited until next year we would’ve gotten married outside, but it doesn’t matter. I love him so much and I’m glad that my dreams are finally coming true for once.

We’re also looking to move. Hopefully next month. I don’t think I can bare another month living in this ragged attack. We have mice, we live with a ghetto prostitute, and 2 old farts that have no respect for anyone in this house! I brought my cat Saphire here and the other night I could’ve sworn I saw a mouse on the bed. I was having a hard time settling down and then something told me to look over. When I did I saw a dark shape that was the equivalent size of a small rodent coming towards me. I quickly grabbed Jeremiah off the bed and jumped on the couch. Waking Brian up and turning the light on the rodent seemed to have vanished. I haven’t slept good since. I really think this place is making me lose my mind.

In other news I completed my first session of classes with an A. I’m really proud of myself and I hope I can keep at it on the same path good grades.

I’m also considering quitting my job soon. Brian wants me to, and I do and I don’t at the same time, but after finding out that despite how much a work and my previous experience, that I’m getting paid less than everyone else, I just might do that. I mean I have experience working with the MRDD population. Willing Hands work me like a Hebrew slave (6 days a week at times). When the owner and supervisor went on vacation a girl called off, and then the new girl they hired never came. I covered all the shifts to the point of even being the only worker in the house for a whole month. What’s the thanks that I get? To be paid $8/hour, while my best friend with no experience gets hired at $8.25 and another girl is hired at $8.75. WTF?!