I hope everyone’s New Year’s Eve will be better than mine tonight. Brian and I planned on going to a New Year Gala on the Nautica to do something special to bring the New Year in and we invited my sister and her “male friend” to go with us. She said ok, but then stated she wanted to spend it with her son so we could use her car because she was going to stay home with him. Then all of a sudden, at the last minute she claimed she was going to pick up some hours from another store at work, so our transportation to and from the event is gone and thank God we didn’t purchase the tickets in advance because they are nonrefundable. I really do wish people would tell the truth. I would respect her more if she’d just say she is going to spend time with some random guy or something instead of lying. Anyways, do you have any New Years Resolutions? Honestly, I don’t. I’m never really good at keeping them, but I do have a few things that I’d like to change about myself:

I want to start praying more. I do not pray enough. Even if it’s just before I go to bed and at meal times, it’s not enough. I forget to pray at meal times a lot too. I want my relationship with God to be a strong or stronger than the bond I have with my own parents meaning talking to Him more and not only when I’m asking for something. I like to thank Him for all his blessings whenever I can.

I want to start reading the Bible more. I used to read the Bible heavily, but I haven’t been reading the Word as much as I used to. Even though I know quite a lot, there is still so much more yet to be learned. So much wisdom, knowledge and understanding to gain. How can I minister to anyone without the proper wisdom and understanding?

I want to let go of my old ways. When I say this, I mean habits that I have acquired from living my life. All my hardships have conditioned my mind to think a certain way. I sometimes feel alone in the world, like everything is on me and I am afraid to ask for anything because I’m always thinking it’s too much to ask for. I was with someone for almost a decade whom was extremely cheap, complained about spending money on our family, and complained about anything I asked for stating I was a “gold digger” so I learned to get everything myself. Now I am with someone whom wouldn’t mind buying that $25 conditioner I want to try, or those $1.49 butterfly clips and $3 Denman brush, but it’s hard for me to accept that because I’m so used to having to rely on myself. We can be in the store and despite how cheap something may be, I’d only ask for one thing and wait to get the other’s myself. If my children need something I stress myself to make sure they get it because that’s the way it’s always been.  I’m not used to anyone taking care of me. I’m used to paying half of all the bills and if I don’t have my half then I have to pay that person(my significant other) back when I get it. This is the way it was for me, and even though it may sound stupid to you that someone would ask the mother of their children to pay them back, it’s the reality of what happened. So my goal is to let go of this preconditioned way of thinking and enjoy my new life.

These are my goals for 2010 so far, there not resolutions, but goals I will try to meet. I may look over myself and find more things I’d like to change, but so far these are the things that I will start working on, starting today.

This post is going to be a bit of a rant so please brace yourself. I don’t like talking about this subject very much because just the idea of having to rely on this crap annoys me so much! What subject you ask? The subject of having to get any type of public assistance! The only assistance that I ask for is food-stamps and medical insurance so I can make sure my children don’t go hungry and that they are insured. If I could be free of having to be dependent on this I would be so happy. I do not like having to rely on the insurance or food-stamps from them because of the hassle. I don’t see how people can live off this crap all their lives and when people apply for cash benefits it’s even worse because they don’t give you enough to live off of and they expect you to work a full-time volunteer job. I’d rather work a real job, but even then, with the scarce positions out there you would be lucky to get one that pays enough to care for you family, pay all your bills, and offers health insurance without being so expensive that paying for it will break you resulting in you scraping for change to keep your lights on!

My complaints about public assistance:

You have no privacy what so ever. They want so much information, it’s ridiculous! They ask for more info, than what the government asks for to get a U.S. Passport! When you go for an appointment they ask for not only your driver’s license, employment info, and social security number, but they want to know your bank account information including account numbers and balances, marital status info. If you own a car they want to know the make, model, license plate number, how much the car is worth, insurance info, and if you are making payments how much. They want to know how much you are getting paid in child support if you are even getting it. They need to know who lives with you as well, even if they aren’t your children or spouse. If you get a new job they know it and then they begin calling and requesting all sorts of information about your job as well, but when you need their help, they won’t even return your phone calls.

They cut you off at anytime without any notification. What I mean by this is no matter if it’s their fault or yours they will terminate your benefits without notice. Perfect example: I moved and changed my address with the post office, I also told my previous caseworker in person that I was moving in the next week the last time I had an appointment. I continued to get mail at the old address so I called my caseworker and left a message telling her that I moved, (more…)

I decided to try making some curry for dinner tonight. I was really trying to go for a Thai or Indian Curry, but after looking at sites displaying the ingredients, I was lacking a few ingredients so tonight I will make Jamaican Curry. I will be trying the other two next time I graze the grocery store. Anyways, I did a few searches on Google and when I found this video I decided to her it her way, after
all she is Jamaican, and who would know better than her?

Ingredients(that I used):

• 5 boneless chicken breast (I hate dark meat)
• 1/2 green pepper chopped
• 3 green onions (scallions) chopped
• 1 large onion chopped
• 2 cups of water
• 6 TBSP of curry powder (the yellow Jamaican kind is best, but I used the red Indian kind)
• 1 TSP black pepper
• 1 TSP salt
• 2 TSP thyme
• 2-3 TSP garlic powder
• 1 1/2 TBP vegetable oil
• 1 chicken bouillon (for extra flavor)

It smelled so good when I was cooking it and allowed the chicken to marinade, but very spicy. Overall, this dish was delicious!

My laptop is broken so I may not be online as much as usual because I have to use my hubby’s laptop while he is at work. I have a Toshiba laptop and for the last 2 1/2 months it has been shutting off on me randomly without any warning what so ever. I thought it was overheating, but when I was using it just yesterday, I had my laptop sitting on the window sill which is cool because it is cold out and my laptop shut off on me again. I had already called Toshiba several times beforehand and today I had to call them a total of 4 times.

My laptop wouldn’t do a System Restore or a System Recovery. After speaking to the tech the second to last time she advised me to do a System Recovery and I had her walk me through it. When I got off the phone with her my laptop was in the process of doing it until I checked on it a few minutes later and saw an error message on the screen. I then called Toshiba again and I was told it was something to do with the hardware and my computer needed to be sent in for repair – DUH! Thank God, my warranty doesn’t expire until February, but it really sucks that my computer is acting like that and I haven’t had it for a year. I’ve already made plans to purchase a desktop once February hits. To make matters worse I tried to restart my computer and my computer now fails to start. Instead I get this message

BOOTMGR Missing

Press Ctrl+Alt+Del to Restart

When I did that my computer failed to load Windows and would go back to a black screen displaying that message again. Now I can’t even use my computer at all. This really sucks because I just started a new project called: Mermaidiaries.com.

I decided to create a SecondLife role play saga in my spare time and my hubby and I already played out the prologue just the other night. If you’re interested in reading it visit my newest addition to the network: Mermaidiaries.com.

Last, but not least, if you noticed my site was down earlier, it was because I asked Hostgator to switch eternally-me.com to my primary domain name. I still have over 200 days left for Sweetvanillasugar.com, but I plan on letting that domain expire and moving our wedding website to a sub-domain under eternally-me.com.

I have to say, outside my home I’ve found my own little serene sanctuary in the world of SecondLife. I’ve designed a beautiful reef that emits soothing music and beautiful sea creatures. I can go online and look at my simulated creation of corals and underwater life, listen to sweet music and be free of the chaos of our destructive world when ever I desire.

There was a time when I was actually considering giving up SecondLife because of all the perverts online. People are so sick that they even take their perversions into the online human simulation world of SL and I was getting unwanted solicitations. Ever since I decided to explore the world of  the mystical mermaids all that unwanted perversions cease to exist and from then on I’ve experienced pure serenity when I’m on SL.

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I’ve always believed that when you get a woman pregnant whether you are married to them or not, that if you fail to provide for your child and/or children that God frowned upon you. I believe that it is a sin to do that, because it is clearly wrong. I never found any passages in the Bible on the subject of being a “deadbeat” until now:

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timonthy 5:8

Now that I’ve read this, I know now that the father’s of my children will be judged  and punished for their actions. It makes me feel better about the situation of my children when I see that even God acknowledges it. Even though I am now married and I have a man that helps me with my children, I still remember the years when I didn’t have anyone, but myself and my own family to lean on. While I was working hard to make a way for myself and children, dealing with low paying-high labor jobs, dealing with Children & Families Services, dealing with child support and not getting any help at all. They were and still are only worried about providing for themselves, doing what they want whenever they want, and having a wonderful time only worrying about themselves.

I can’t even ask my eldest son’s father for a dime. I have to be really desperate to ask him for anything but when I did contact him on Facebook he reads my message and never responds. I’ve sent him messages prior not even asking for money and he treats me and my son like we don’t even exist.  He hasn’t seen my son for 5+ years and he won’t even acknowledge me, but proudly displays my sons name on his Facebook account like he’s such a great “dad”.

My youngest two father is so pathetic and it’s even shameful to think that I was with someone like him. He spends his time making Youtube video’s of skinny 18 year-old girls acting like groupies and whores. I think one of the girls are suppose to be his girlfriend. Mind you I am 26 years old, what do I look like hanging out with a bunch of 18 year old’s or having an 18 year old boyfriend? When I saw the videos I was ashamed and embarrassed to say the least. This is what I had children with and wasted 6+ years on? He claims he does all this for the boys but it doesn’t make sense. The boys will never benefit from it, only he is benefiting from entertaining his sick perversions for sex. It’s really sad and even though I will never regret having my children, I do regret having them with their father’s.

With all this said, I will never talk bad about their fathers to them. I believe that I really don’t have to say much because in the end actions speak louder than words, but with that said, this is exactly why Brian and I are preparing to have them adopted. Their father’s don’t care about their well-being, but my husband and I do and I believe adoption is the best option for them. We will no longer have to deal with child support, Supportkids, their father’s not providing for them, etc. Once my children and I are free of those deadbeats for good, it will be a day worth rejoicing.

As a married couple I always thought you’re suppose to work out your problems without bringing anyone outside your marriage into it unless it’s a marriage counselor whom you both will agree to share your business with. With that said I’m trying to understand why my husband has took it upon himself to leave and stay at his aunts.

Yesterday I cooked dinner and he came home and we ate together. The boys were at my Mom’s so we had a chance to spend time with each other. I wanted to watch Law and Order with him, but as soon as he finished his dinner he falls asleep. Now him falling asleep didn’t bother me, but the sound he makes when he sleeps is straight annoying.

The reason I am so annoyed by his snoring is because it keeps me up every night. I have to get up multiple times (at least 5 or more times) and ask him to stop snoring, or to roll over on his stomach. I have to say it several times, sometimes even shouting it and/or eventually physically turning him over on his stomach myself. There are times when I’ve even got up in the middle of the night and slept in the bed with Destin or Elijah because of how loud he is. I’ve even started staying up all night waiting until 5am(when he gets up to go to work) so I can go to sleep. I can even remember when he would wake up after my several attempts of trying to get him to stop and he’d just go back to sleep on his back snoring just as loud. Sometimes I think he hears me and just ignores me and claims he didn’t remember me shaking him or calling his name. I’ve even tried sleeping on the other end of the bed, blasting the fan on high to block out his snoring, and even using earplugs (which leaves my ears sweaty and irritated).

So yes, I was extremely annoyed by just the sound of his snoring.

I guess he could tell I was irritated and he kept asking me what’s wrong. I told him nothing over and over again and he kept asking so then I told him it was my lack of sleep due to his loud snoring. The next thing I know he’s on the phone calling his aunt up asking if he can go over there, packing his things, slamming doors, and yelling about how he’s not doing it on purpose, and how all he does is work and come home. I’m still trying to figure out what his job has to do with him keeping me up at night with his snoring. I also don’t understand why my husband is leaving our home to go to his aunts because I complained about his snoring? (more…)

Today my hubby and I went to go see the movie “Precious”. I really didn’t want to see this movie once I found out what it was about. My hubby read the book and when I asked him about it he told me the gruesome horror of a teenage female growing up in an abusive home. The abuse was the worse type of abuse I’ve ever heard of. She was beaten, verbally abused, as well as sexually abused by both of her parents resulting in 2 babies, one born with a disorder. To top it all off, poor Precious was cursed with the AIDS virus from her father. I did not want to see this movie after he told me what the book was all about because to me, being a victim of abuse myself. How can someone actually think up a story like this? I felt offended by it. I am very sensitive when it comes to the subject of abuse and I just can’t see how someone could actually write a fictional story like this. I could never come up with a story idea like the book “PUSH”. What kind of imagination comes up with the fictional ideas in this movie and book? It’s bad enough that she’s severely abused, but the AIDS virus too? Come on?!

Anyways, we wanted to go someone and there wasn’t any other good movies showing so “Precious” it was. The movie was a good movie overall. Monique played the hell out of her role. She should get an Oscar for that because she did a “damn” good job. She played her character so well, I wanted to jump into the movie and bash her with that cast iron skillet she had. I almost cried on certain parts of the movie, and even though it was extremely intense, I still say it was a good movie, but due to the intensity and sick subject of it I can’t say I’ll be purchasing this movie when it comes out. BTW: Mariah Carey isn’t that bad of an actor. I was thoroughly impressed!

Today I practically froze all day. For this apartment to have steam heat and 5 furnaces, it doesn’t do nothing for the temperature inside. I have a long sleeve shirt on, socks, pants, blanket and my legs and feet are still frozen. The windows in this place are crappy. I’m really afraid of how it’s gonna feel once it gets colder out. For the last two days it’s been 60 mph arctic winds and it’s currently 16 degrees outside. Can you see why I want to move back to Florida? This sucks!

I had that lousy landlord fix the shower and cabinet, but still waiting for the windows and closet to be fixed. I don’t even think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I could barely sleep last night because it was so cold. I spent my entire night shivering. This really sucks, I am really missing Florida right now.

In other news, I played SecondLife for a bit while I froze in my apartment. I roleplay as a “Merrow” on SL when I’m bored from time to time. Merrow’s are the result of a Tekeli’li and a human mating. According to the SL Chronicles of Atlantis, Tekeli’li originated in Atlantis and separated themselves from humans when the destruction of Atlantis came to play because they found humans to be destructive. The have no hair on their bodies and are covered with scales and fins. They also protect the Atlantean crystals which are suppose to be very powerful.

Here’s a few picks of my SecondLife as a Mermaid:

At my MerFolk Group Weekly Party - I'm the one with the light blue tail

Here I am admiring my tail at home on my own little reef I designed

Well, I’m about to take a hot shower and thaw out a bit. Goodnight.

When you are in your home don’t you think you’re suppose to be comfortable? Shouldn’t life in your home be peaceful and the least stressful? I always thought of home as my realm away from the stressful, chaotic realm of hell that we live in. My bit of Heaven so to speak, but lately being at home has become such a nuisance.

We live in an apartment owned by the same landlord that knowingly moved my husband, myself, and our 3 children into a bedbug infested apartment. When I discovered the horror of this I took the boys and we stayed at my Mom’s. I advised my husband to demand for our deposits back because it was totally unfair that he would move us in there under those conditions. He wouldn’t even take the proper steps to correct the problem. I called the Health Department on him as well as the Fire Marshall when he called himself imitating the company Thermapure by using a propane tank and a fan to heat our apartment.

He first agreed to give us our money back, but then offered us a new apartment somewhere else that he guaranteed was “bedbug free”. What a shame. We took it because we didn’t really have the money to move anywhere else at the time. Our security deposit was only $675, and that wasn’t enough to move, plus we were paying for our wedding at the time.

Now that we live here, I really just wish we would’ve moved into the apartment that I really wanted to stay in, which is cheaper, owned by an “actual” company, and offers so much more! Here is a list of things that are wrong with this place:

Water Temperature and Pressure: The water in the shower doesn’t come out with enough force, it just drips out at times. Sometimes it becomes scolding hot, or just plain cold. It’s a rarity that the water temperature and force is just right. I can’t take a bath because being a woman with sensitive genitalia I can’t take a bath because of the exceedingly high risk of getting an infection (if you are a woman, you should know what I am talking about). So, I have to basically sit on my knees so it won’t be submerged in water or stand up to bathe.

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