Brian and I looked at a place today and we decided to take it. We gave them the security deposit and we will officially move in on Friday. I’m really excited but, worried too. One thing for sure is I am glad that there is no lease because I want to move into my own apartment soon. We only have a room to ourselves and the remainder of the house is shared with about 3 other guests. The house is also in the hood,but that isn’t what scares me…

 I am so scared because of everything I’ve been through in the past, but the thing that scares me the most is the fear of not having the money to pay my bills. When I lived in Florida this is something I went through and I was on the brink of being homeless. That was one of the most horrible, scary situations I’ve ever been in, in my 24 years on this earth. I was all alone in a state 1700+ miles away from anyone that gave a damn about me and I had no money, no job, and no way to support myself. I was so scared and no matter how hard I looked for employment I could never find it. I never want to relive that experience again.

I know that there’s a good chance that, that won’t happen again, but I am still afraid. After being through something as traumatic as that it’s hard to be trusting and let your guards down. I now know that things can happen, but I will try to have more faith in Brian as well as myself. I really hope we’ll be alright.