samaraMy life has been going through the changes lately. Somethings good and others not so great. At this point I’ve been trying to keep my focus on the positive things in my life because that’s what keeps me going. Sometimes I just look at my son’s and smile. My son’s are what I draw my joy from… they are everything to me because they are so innocent and special and I have unconditional love for them. Even after the storm my sons will always be there and that’s what it’s all about: THEM.
This morning I woke up irritated to the fact that my Mom was complaining about my case worker calling and saying Jea’neene and I have to go downtown. She kept saying if it wasn’t for me asking for cash assistance then we wouldn’t have to go. As I overheard this I thought to myself. What the FUCK does that have to do with Jea’neene? That is my fucking business! I have bills that need to be paid and I do need money so I can buy things that I need! I need a winter coat and so does my sons! We need clothes and boots, etc. I don’t have no one paying my car note or cell phone bill in fact I can’t even use anyones car to go to work so I have to find my own way! Then my Mom wants to argue with me because she doesn’t agree with me bartending. I don’t care how anyone feels about what I’m doing. This is my decision and I’m doing it for my sons so we can have something. Do you see why I moved over a thousand miles away???!!!
About 15 minutes later my sister storms downstairs complaining about her cell phone being off and how they owe Verizon $316. My mom gives her the money and tells her that she’s just going to have to pay the car note (to the car Jea’neene drives) late. She then complains about how she’s not going to put her name on anyone elses stuff and complains about how Jea’neene doesn’t help pay the car note. I just looked at the whole situation in total disgust. About 4 years ago my mom wouldn’t even help me out when I needed a car and I had a son to look after, plus I had the means to pay the car note, but she told me no and told Jea’neene yes about a year later. Ask yourself this question:
“Is there something wrong with this picture I’ve just painted you?”
I don’t even give a damn no more! It is what it is. It’s not going to ever change and like always I will have to do everything for myself. I’ve accepted the fact that they will always be unfair assholes so I won’t even stress about it anymore. I will have to get my own car on my own, my own cell phone on my own, and my own place on my own. I’ve done it before and I can do it again!
Tags: Angry, Frustrated, Stressed