I know I haven’t written anything in here in a while, but besides the obvious(not having a PC), I’ve been at work all week. Today is actually my first off day since Sunday, and I will NEVER work 5 straight days in a row(especially 3-11pm) again while I’m pregnant. I am so drained right now and I thought last night was going to be an easy one given the fact that we aren’t supposed to get anyone up on the weekend, but low and behold, the night shift supervisor had a list of extra things to do. It was already bad enough that I had the hardest chore given to me last night, which is to clean and disinfect 4 bathrooms and the laundry room. We then had to wake up 10 elderly developmentally disabled adults and have them go in the restroom for a tornado drill at 12:30am. Naturally they weren’t very happy about that at all. On top of that, she also wanted us to clean out the garage. As soon as I was able to sit down for a few minutes, once I was done with the bathrooms now my co-workers want me to get up and help clean out the garage! I know I’m not going to make it to August 27th, with this baby…

I’ve been very uncomfortable lately regarding my pregnancy. I’ve been having contractions which I guess to be Braxton Hicks contractions. They have been quite painful like a level or 2 above a menstrual cramp. I’ve also been having a load of pressure and sometimes, it hurts just from the baby moving. I can’t wait for this pregnancy to end. I’m tired of being uncomfortable and I can’t stand not having my old figure! I’m used to a flat tummy, smaller breasts, and smaller hips. This is not working for me at all and sometimes I feel so discouraged, nasty, and ugly at times no matter how much people tell me that I’m pretty. I just don’t feel it. I had to spend my entire summer like this, unable to do much of anything fun other than catch a few movies and lunch or dinner somewhere, but as far as enjoying the other festivities of the summer I missed out. Never again. I’ve decided that I am going to get either my tubes tied or the Paraguard IUD until I go into menopause. I will no longer sacrifice my body and life to carry a child for some asshole.

The last few weeks have been a bit scary regarding my pregnancy. I’ve been very uncomfortable and I’ve been also experiencing symptoms that I did not expect to happen until at least 2 weeks into August. With it still being June, this is not good.

I’ve been having a lot of pelvic pressure lately. I figured it was normal, since this is my 4th child, so maybe my pelvic muscles are more lax, but the pressure can be very unbearable and cause me to not be able to move. I also experienced the lost of my mucus plug last week. This is not a good sign at all. The final straw for me was the morning of my monthly exam, my belly looked different. It seemed like my baby dropped(not a good sign this early in subsequent pregnancies). My belly wasn’t poking out as much, instead it was a lot lower than before. Even though my child can still reach his/her feet into my ribs, everyone can definitely see that my belly has changed.

When I went in to the doctor I told her my symptoms and she tested me for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea which came back negative. She also gave me a test called fetal-fibronectin, this test is suppose to let the doctor know if I am at risk for going into preterm labor. I was also put on a monitor to see if I was contracting because if so the midwife wanted me to get a steroid injection(a series of 2). I was so sure everything was going to be fine the other day, and the test would come back negative. My friend was with me during everything. He is really a good friend. It’s funny, even though we are just friends and this is not his child, he has shown more support than my sorry excuse for a husband. He’s been to my last two appointments and with me when I had to get my steroid shots. All I can do is frown upon Brian and his incompetence and lack of concern. There is a Bible verse about men like him, so he will pay for what he has done eventually.

I’ve went over all the factors that may be the cause of what is going on right now and the only thing I can blame it on is stress. Brian stressed me out throughout the entire marriage as well as my first 6-7 months of pregnancy by the things he did as well as his destructive actions of abandoning me. As a result I was forced to get a job in my final trimester of pregnancy as well as the whole divorce situation. I blame him for all of this. I also blame myself for being blind to the type of man he really was. I really hope my child doesn’t come early. I don’t need the added stress and I really need to work as much as I can so I can provide for my family before having this child.

If you are reading this, please keep me and my unborn child in your prayers…

It’s crazy how much these attorneys charge for the simplest things. I went down to file for a divorce which only took me to print out 2 documents online for free and complete them with my info. I then drove down to the Clerk of Courts and filed them, which took me less than 5 minutes to file. I then had to go back down to file again due to Brian’s ignorance which most people don’t have to do, but this is a special case because unfortunately I married someone that is incompetent. Now all I have to do now is bring in the required forms to court, present my case to the judge and BOOM, my divorce should be granted as long as I’ve done everything I needed to do and presented the correct forms to the judge. It doesn’t take rocket science to do this, but these attorneys charge over $1000 to just do that!

I got quoted $250 for an attorney to just draw up some simple paperwork and appear in court for me. If I had not filed for divorce myself it would have been over $400. I am representing myself, but if I find that Brian calls himself trying to make things more difficult, by contesting the divorce, getting an attorney, etc. I will hire them to help me get my divorce. The attorney also said that Brian can be ordered to pay half of the lease since he is legally obligated to pay it. I still can’t believe he actually thought I was going to just pay all the bills myself. It’s bad enough I am stuck with the burden of making sure my unborn child has furniture, carseat, clothes, etc. We all know he isn’t going to help do a damn thing.

I am also considering having my number changed. For the last week I’ve been getting Private (Blocked) calls to my house phone. Yesterday the person called twice. The second time they called I had a friend of mine answer to see if they’d actually say something and he told me that the person on the other end was whispering in the phone. WTH?!! I don’t have time for this schizo-psychopath shit! I already know who it is because I haven’t been getting the Private (Blocked) calls until now. I’d rather be left alone. I was abandoned with nothing, and I’ve been at peace ever since. My skin is no longer pale and my hair has ceased it’s intense shedding. My skin has also calmed down and I’ve been breaking out less. I do not need, nor will I tolerate the harassment and/or phone stalking.

Today my dad and I went downtown to file a civil protection order/restraining order against Brian, because my next door neighbor told me about a time when she seen him at my house. First she hears a lot of racket and then she sees a white car backing out. The last time I saw Brian he broke into the house and a white car was in the driveway because I had the locks changed. He’s been gone for 30 days so I have every right to change the locks now. Anyways, I found out he was in the house and I went inside and a girl was sitting at my table and he’s sitting across from her. He messed up the landlords window and everything just to retrieve a pair of raggedy shoes, a bottle of cleaning solution, and 2 pieces of mail….Real stupid right?

I then asked him for his address and he refused to give it to me claiming to send the divorce papers to the house where he lives (referring to MY home). He has not been here for a whole month and he doesn’t pay any bills here so how can he claim he lives here? I did, however discover his actual address a few days later when I filed for a divorce. So the joke is on him.

Well today while downtown I found out that they sent a certified letter to his residence on the 21st of May. They still haven’t received anything back from him or the post office. I just don’t understand why he is so difficult. He has made it so clear that he does not want to be married or even cares about the child I am carrying so why not cooperate? He always has to make everything difficult. I do not want to married to that man any longer. I want to be free of him. I hate the fact that I ever married him in the first place! If he doesn’t accept the certified letter, I will then have to wait for it to come back, go back downtown and ask the courts to serve him by regular mail. I will then be able to proceed with the divorce. With or without him there. All in all, no matter how difficult he tries to be I will not be forced to stay married to him and I will get my divorce granted well before the end of this year!

Other than that, I start working my new job on Monday…YAY! I will also be getting workers compensation money again which will really help me out with my bills and everything in addition to my job’s income. You see how God works? He works everything out, because He already knew this was going to happen and He put things in place to help me and my sons. We have a sympathetic landlord, I was blessed with a job, and I am also being blessed with my workers comp money which will help us. I’m also considering going back to school once my baby is born as well. No matter what happens, we will be ok. My sons father also wants to get back with me, but I don’t really know about that. I found him more tolerable, but I can’t take him back if he is still the same way he was before. I know he really loves me, but he does have his issues. I’ll just have to pray on it. I am not really ready to jump into another relationship so quick, but we can be friends right now and if something happens in the future, then so be it. I know one thing, I will not make the same mistakes as before. I also have another friend whom seems to find interest in me and I don’t want to hurt him because I am not ready to be in another relationship at all. It’s only been a month since Brian has been gone even though the marriage was really over well before then. Although I have no desire to EVER take Brian back I am just not ready for a new relationship. I’m about to have a baby in the next 2 1/2 months, I’m about to get a divorce, and I just need to focus on my new baby and my sons and healing from this terrible marriage. It is nice to have all this attention right now, it kind of makes up for the lack of attention I haven’t been getting in the last 6 months, but still… I can’t.

My sons father did offer to be there for me during my labor and delivery which is very nice of him, and to be honest, I would like him there for the support, but I’m not going to put all my hope into that as of now. I know my Mom WILL be there and I know that I DO NOT want Brian there at all. I don’t need to be stressed from him while in labor or recovery. His mere presence or the mention of his name does nothing, but makes my blood pressure go up.

I had a job interview for a third shift weekend position the other day. It went pretty well. All I have to do now is wait on them to run my drivers license and then call me in for my finger prints. This will be the extra money I need to help me pay the bills. I plan on getting all the utilities switched over to my name once I get my first paycheck. I will then see if I can have Brian removed from the lease so I won’t have to worry about being bothered with him any longer. I also asked the landlord a few weeks ago to have the security system installed. I’m going to be calling him on Monday to follow up with that. I need to call the city prosecutor on Monday too, to see if they’ve received the case I filed a few weeks ago for Brian stealing my computer since has yet to return it. I don’t even want it anymore because no telling what he did to it, instead he can be prosecuted and sued for the value of it.

I haven’t done anything to him at all, but he steals from me and every time I speak to him he is very hostile making my blood pressure go up regardless of how much I try to remain calm. I really don’t want anymore drama. I just want to go to court get a divorce and move on with my life, but I’m sure like always, he’s going to make it difficult. He really acts like I’ve done something wrong to him, when in reality I was a good wife and I didn’t deserve to be dragged into a deceitful relationship. I also discovered he was telling his aunts that I neither cook nor clean. He is such a liar. Even the food they sent him home with he threw away because he prefers to eat slop. Anyways, I don’t really care what THEY think about me. He is their nephew so they are going to take his word for it no matter how much of a lie it is so I honestly can careless. I’m glad that this marriage has come to a end. The last six months was hell.

What’s so funny is all this time I was thinking that my unborn child was the reason why my face was breaking out so bad. My face is still breaking out mildly, but I haven’t been getting those really bad pimples that don’t go away and appear daily since Brian has been gone. I guess you can say the stress from his mere presence was causing the breakouts. My mom kept saying it was stress, but I blamed it on the baby until now. Every since he left, things have been looking up for me. I now have my own vehicle, the house is furnished, I’m talking to old friends again, I’m not sleeping on the floor anymore, the house is clean, and I can cook whatever I want and actually make Koolaid AGAIN…LOL. I don’t have to worry about some selfish person drinking the entire pitcher of Koolaid up once I make it. I’m sure more good things will come my way. All I have to do is continue to focus on God.

Well, this post isn’t going to be very long. I have to go home and fix dinner for the boys, bathe them, and put them to bed.

Goodnight.

All I can say is I am one step closer to being totally free from Brian Crayton. I can’t wait until the court grants the divorce so I can move forward without any marital connection to him what so ever. I have to say, going down there and filing the paperwork gave me a feeling of relief. One step closer…

So let me tell you about what happened before I went down there to file:

I had to get an Affidavit of Indigency (Poverty affidavit) notarized, so I went to my bank since it’s free if you have an account. On the affidavit you have to put down your assets so I asked the notary/banker to tell me my account balance. She looked at the joint account which I closed yesterday. Brian has been screwing up my account ever since I added him to it so I did this asap. Anyways, I noticed that he must have opened a new account because there was $6 in the account that he transferred to his account leaving a 0 balance. I really didn’t care about that, but I just wanted to be off the account and since they wouldn’t take me off without him signing for it I was advised to close it. To get to the point of all this, when I asked the banker/notary for the account balance today, she tells me my joint account is negative(I was really asking for the balance of my separate account btw)! How the hell is that? Wanna know why? Because his triphlant butt, after cleaning out the bank account and knowing I was going to close it, swipes the card at his job for $1.62 making the account negative in the total of $-39.12. Now we are both responsible for this balance, and that was the reason why I closed the account in the first place. I don’t want to be in the CHEX system or have my credit messed up thanks to him, he’s already done enough damage as it is. I texted him and of course he didn’t respond, he doesn’t care anyways, I’m sure he did this on purpose. Anyways, I talked to a banker whom was sympathetic to my situation and took the overdraft fee off. She then canceled his card so he couldn’t use it anymore and told me that one of us has to come in and deposit $1.62. Of course his triphlant non-caring behind isn’t going to do it, so I will. I will pay whatever I need to pay to be free of him.

I am so glad I filed for divorce. I will finally be able to move on with my life…

Today things are a bit better than yesterday. The weather was nice despite the rain this morning. I think the humidity messed my hair up. I had a cute little braid out this morning, but now I have a huge fro…LOL! At least it’s not frizzy.

I’m still trying to sort things out so I’ll give you some updates regarding that. Also, I am talking to my husband right now as I am typing this. He decided to call me, we’ll see how this goes, I guess.

In other news my haircare line is coming alone, slowly but surely. I have 2 products pretty much complete, but I’m having issues with 2 other products that I am working on. I know I’ll will figure it out soon. The shampoo and conditioner should be easy, but the hair gel and pomade is my biggest issue as of now. More about that later, will keep you posted. I can’t wait to release my line, but all good things come with patience and persistence.

Today the boys and I had ramen noodles for lunch, but instead of the typical American styled version of plain ramen noodles mixed with meat flavored broth, I jazzed it up a bit the way the Japanese do!

I cooked the noodles according to the package meanwhile, I boiled a couple of eggs and fried some turkey ham. I then cut up some green onions for added flavor. I spooned the noodles and broth into each of our bowls, and topped it with the ham, egg, and green onion. The boys loved every bit of it! Who knew ramen noodles could be so fun?

I find that Japanese cuisine makes eating more artful so to speak. Eating a usually boring meal, becomes so much more when you do it like the Japanese. Bento lunches for instance, seem to become works of art with character faces and such, than just plain boring food. 

I have been so busy. It seems like my hair website has become a full-time job and I’ve been working overtime in addition to my 40 hours a week! If I’m not doing that I’m on Craiglist looking for decent furniture or pricing nursery furniture and caring for the boys. I don’t even f ind time to update my blog anymore. I am so determined to make Growblackhair.NET a success as well as my haircare line that I will be launching soon. There have been times where I stayed up well after 5am, researching ingredients, prices, etc. Right now it’s after 4am. I was up again researching the prices of the ingredients I want to use, the costs of the packaging supplies, and other steps needed to take to make sure my grand opening runs smoothly.

I really don’t want to forget anything, but this child I’m carrying  makes me so forgetful at times, in addition to making my face breakout constantly. None of my boys ever did this! Speaking of my baby, we’ve come up with baby names! I’m not sharing them online just yet, but I am really happy with the female name I picked. It just came to me out of no where because for the life of me I couldn’t come up with not one idea. If this is a girl I don’t want the name to be common. Also I’ve run out of ideas for a boy seeing that I already have 3 so I left that up to Brian.

Anyways, back to my haircare line… I plan on launching my store in either July or September. Maybe I should wait until September when the baby is already born, but we will see. I just don’t want to launch it in July and when August comes, people’s orders are delayed due to me going into labor, staying at the hospital, and recovering from the birth. I may just wait until my birthday to launch the site now that I think about it because  I don’t know how successful the grand opening will be. I may sell all my inventory or I  may not sell a thing. I’ll just have to cross my fingers and pray on it. I’ve already figured out my starting capital for an inventory of about 30 items per product to start out. If I wait until September to launch I will have 90% of the starting capital just from my Google revenue alone if I continue to earn the consistent amounts I’ve been earning. That is why I always prewrite my articles to keep my site constantly updated. I plan on writing about a months worth of prewritten articles in August to cover me until October because of the baby and my hair product site. I just have to come up with some good ideas because I never write useless garbage on my site. I save that for my personal blog lol :lol:  .  Anyways enough of my rambling, I have an article idea and I must write it before I retire.

Well, I had my ultrasound at 21 weeks exactly on Friday. Everything went well and the baby is doing fine. He/She is so cute and tiny. His/Her hands were so small and so where the feet. I expected the feet and hands to be small, but he/she looked so small and dainty to me. I really hope that God answered my prayers and finally blessed me with a daughter because this is my final child. If my prayers are indeed answered that will be proof that he does hear and answer my prayers. Anyways, if it isn’t so then or well. I will still love and cherish my child regardless. It just will be a wonderful thing to be able to have a daughter and watch her grow up and become a woman of God. I refused to find out the gender to avoid any disappointment. I will like to enjoy my pregnancy without feeling a bit upset because my prayers weren’t answered.

I will update this post later with a few ultrasound pics real soon.

Anyways, I’ve been busy with my GrowBlackHair.NET site as usual. I plan on creating my own haircare line very soon as well. The first products I will offer will be my very own hair butter for twists, braids, and locks. A natural pomade which I have perfected YAY! A natural leave-in conditioner (Haven’t came up with a perfect concoction just yet.) I will also offer a sulfate free shampoo, clay based deep conditioner, moisturizing hair spray, and natural hair gel in the near future.