Today I went to take my civil service exam. I’ve been praying that I get one of the highest scores on the exam and I was so nervous when I went because I had no idea what was going to be on the test. It’s really weird to take a test that you don’t prepare for. As I waited in the room filled with tables with people sitting at almost every table. I estimated that it was about 20 people there taking the same exam I started to wonder if there was a position for all of us. I thought to myself that these were people I had to compete with for this job and I knew I needed to get a really high score to be one of the lucky people picked for the job.

The supervisor over the man that gave the test came in to answer questions and it was to my understanding that taking the exam and getting a high score didn’t guarantee employment. The civil service exam announcement didn’t really mean that the positions were actually available so it really isn’t a guarantee that I will even get a job. Even after all I’ve gone through just to take the test! That broke my spirits because I felt like I was probably wasting my time, but it’s still a chance so I decided to do the best I could possibly do on the test.

As we began to take the test I found that the test was one of the easiest tests I’ve ever taken. The first 30 questions or so were basically reading comprehension. There were a few questions about proper use of vocabulary and on driving. I’m pretty sure I got almost all the questions right. I’m confident that my score will be in the 90′s if not 100%.

After the test I was in a pretty good mood so I went to Tower city and did some very light shopping because I don’t have a lot of clothes right now. I purchased a pink hoodie, 2 bra tanks, and a black knit shirt off the clearance rack at the Rave. I then went into Rainbows and purchased 2 green tops and a beautiful green scarf. I decided that was enough so on my way to the rapid I grabbed a Cinnabon to eat and go on the train.

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I really hope that the city is hiring and this wasn’t all for nothing. I tired of living like this. The money that I have now isn’t going to last forever.

Today is the first day I decided to take my laptop to school. I brought it to school because I wanted to write in my blog while I was eating lunch and my sister is coming home today from the hospital so well you know. I paid way too much money to have something happen to my laptop, but I really don’t like taking it out the house either. Besides that it’s really nice to be able to use my laptop in the cafeteria for a little bit. Next time I will bring my charger so I can use it longer because it only has 2 1/2 hours of battery life.

I really wish I would’ve bought me some T.V. dinners for lunch. The only thing I will eat at school is cheese pizza and with my lactose intolerance it really isn’t a good idea even with taking a lactose pill which sometimes don’t seem to work for me.

Right now I’m contemplating if I want to go to class or if I want to just do my lab in the library and email it to my instructor. It was fairly easy to do this when we were in the Microsoft Word chapter, but now were are in the Excel chapter and even though I have trained and learned Excel in the past I still don’t know how to do everything, but my book will guide me how to complete the assignment. So maybe I will do it in the library and get it over with. I also really behind on Math. I plan on catching up completely during our Spring break. I really hate math. I hope I can complete all the assignments and pass the course. I’d be happy with a C.

I got my speech back today and I did horrible. I knew I didn’t prepare it well. My speech was about Relocating and I talked about the do’s and don’ts of relocating based on my Florida experience. I didn’t do very well. I was nervous as all hell so I ended up getting a 6.3 out of 10 which is not good. Next time my speech will be a lot better.

My family never stops…

Yesterday I noticed a comment posted to my blog on the 17th and the commenter had a serious issue with the post titled My First Laptop. To my surprise when I traced the IP of the commenter I received information on the carrier and the city in which the comment was made which was a near by city. This specific city is in the area in which my sister’s boyfriend lives and where she works. Further more the carrier was Alltel. The only thing I know Alltel provides when it comes to internet is internet on the phone. The person used a cell phone to look at my site and make comments. I know my sister’s boyfriend has his phone through Alltel. On top of that I believe the person was someone from my family and I’ve narrowed it down to being my own damn sister!

I mean really…. she gets all these privileges: free car, cell phone in my moms name, etc. All I get is a couch to sleep on. I get bitched at for every little thing and the only outlet I have is my blog to keep myself sane and it’s like I can’t even enjoy this one small pleasure if you wanna call it that. My family tries to control everything I do and my sister is always trying to start shit. I don’t know why she can’t mind her own business and focus on her own life instead of adding more hell to my life. I could give so many example’s of how my own sister lies and says things without my knowledge to get shit started in our home. Then I have to deal with the drama while she sits back and watches. Lately I was getting bitched at about me writing things in my blog, but my mom and dad don’t know how to use the internet and my little brother just doesn’t do things to create drama like that. Hmm… I wonder how they know what I wrote?

You have a car that you don’t have to pay for, a free place to stay, you don’t get bitched at constantly about everything, and you have a cell phone in our mother’s name. I have nothing, but my children, my cell phone and laptop (all things that I had to get myself), and it still isn’t enough because you still pursue to create drama and make life hard for me.

I can’t wait to move out. This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. And now I can’t even be at peace in the cyber world.

I was thinking of retiring SweetVanillaSugar and buying a new domain that really fit me and this has given me a even greater reason to do so. As soon as I finish my new layout I will be switching to a new domain. I will added a post and a link to my new domain and it will be up for 30 days. After that SweetVanillaSugar will be officially retired.

Today was pretty boring. I had to update the comment form on my new theme to remind commenter’s what will happen if rude comments are left on my blog. For anyone out there that has a problem with what I write about in my blog I have one word for you: “LEAVE!” If you need a better description of what that mean’s read the site’s Disclaimer paying close attention to the 5th and final paragraph.

Well on to other things…

I had my hair braided yesterday and I never expected it to take so long or to be so expensive. I wanted to try something different because I haven’t done anything for just myself in a while. I’ve been going to school, looking after the boys, and listening to everyone complain. It’s about time I do something strictly for myself and that’s what I did. Even though they look nice I don’t think I will be getting my hair braided again anytime soon. I walked into the salon at 9:30am and I didn’t walk out of there until 8:48pm. I don’t even want to disclose how much it cost for me to get my hair braided. The price was insane and that is the reason why I won’t be having my hair braided again.

For the past week I’ve been taking care of business little by little. I paid my credit card bill off completely, my hostgator bill is paid up for 6 months, and I paid T-mobile. I only have my T-mobile bill to pay every month.

Did I mention that I have to go take a civil service exam on the 25th? I was so happy when I got the letter in the mail. I really hope and pray that I pass the exam with flying colors and get the job. I will finally be able to move out of here and get a vehicle and make my fantasies a reality. I find myself at times imagining how I would furnish my apartment and how the boys room would look. I want to get a decent apartment and my boys will get the master bedroom. Elijah and Destin will have bunk beds and Jeremiah will have a toddler bed. The toy box will sit at the foot of the bunk bed and a small entertainment system with Elijah’s PS2 will be a few feet away from the toy box in the corner of the room. I don’t really care about how my room or the rest of the apartment will look at the moment. I always find myself only fantasizing about how the boys bedroom will look.

I’m working on a new theme for the site because my old one doesn’t work in WordPress 2.7.1 for some reason. So the site will be looking weird over the next couple days.

Today my mood is happy…honestly happy isn’t even the word. I just found out earlier today that my emperor is not going back to California. He is here to stay and that was the best Valentine’s day gift I could ever asked for. We spent all of… well most of yesterday together. I ended up staying the night because I fell asleep and when I woke up I only had 8 minutes to get my coat on and get to the bus stop that is about 2 blocks down from where he stays. So I texted my mom and told her I was spending the night and spent a wonderful night with my emperor. We ended up watching the movie Twilight until we both fell asleep and he held me all night while we slept. I am so in love with that man. I hope everyone else had a great Valentine’s Day.

I’m thinking about putting braids in my hair for a few months so I won’t have to style my hair. All I’ll have to do is wash, deep condition and moisturize my hair with a good leave in conditioner, oil sheen, or braid sheen spray. I’m going to have my little sister braid the back of my hair because I can’t see back there and I want my braids to look really nice.

Well I have to go to bed now. I am really worn out and tired.

I got a new lab top today. I used some of my refund money from school to get it and I have to say I paid more money for it than I wanted to. I had my eye on this acer lab top that was $449, but I ended up getting one that was over $500 because it had more memory and GB. I can now get on the internet and work on my site’s and blog and on my school work too which is most important to me.

Today was a little stressful today. More stupid unneccessary drama that is useless to discuss, but yeah… the drama happened today and of course everyone tries to say I’m wrong and selfish…. I never thought I would be called selfish for going to Best Buy to purchase a lap top for school. I mean I am going to school to get a degree for Interactive Media! You tell me why I am selfish when I asks my mom and sister to pick me up from Best Buy and when no one wants to I called my Dad whom called my Mom and told her to get me and then she got mad at me because she just didn’t want to I’ve now decided that I won’t ask them to do anything for me because it seems like there is always an obstacle when it comes to them doing them things for me.

Well I’m glad I have a lab top. That’s one step towards making something happen. Things will get so much easier when I finally have a job somewhere. I just know that as soon as I get a job somewhere and I mean a “good” job, that things will begin to come together like they should I can finally have peace. I’m tired of being distraught and irritated when I feel that I’m being treated unfairly.

Brian my Eternal Emperor

My love life has been so great. For once in my life I finally feel loved and I can express myself beyond words to him. I have never been able to say I love you so easily to someone other than my boys. God I love that man so much and nothing, no thing, or person will ever come between us again…

Today has been a wonderful and uneventful day for me. I finished filing my taxes today, worked on my website and talked to Brian. It’s nice just to be without drama and irritation and so far so good.

I’ve been really thinking about leaving Ohio because I’ve been here for 6 months and I haven’t been able to attain consistant work. If it wasn’t for me being in school right now I’d probably be on the first bus out of here to try to attain work in a different state. It’s too cold to do a lot of job hunting on the bus and the job pickings a really slim in Ohio. I wouldn’t recommend any one to move here because it can’t get any worse than here. I’ve never been without a job for this long and it is rather discouraging to say the least. Sometimes I wonder why even try?

I haven’t heard from the city or Koinonia Homes. I went to a home health aid place a week ago and I’m still waiting on a reply. I have one last option and if this fails then I am totally done with Ohio. I plan on taking a STNA course in May or June and I will try to gain employment in that field. If that fails me then I will no longer remain here in Ohio…

This weekend has been very nice to me. I spent Sunday and Monday with Brian. I also hung out with him on Friday!

We(Brian, Jeremiah and I) went to the movies on Friday to see that movie Underworld. I enjoyed the movie, but I was so distracted by just being happy with Brian that the movie didn’t really do much for me. Friday was our first day actually seeing each other in the flesh after 6 years and I just couldn’t focus. I was really happy. Even Jeremiah whom was acting up in the theater didn’t bother me…

On Sunday we went to Tower City and window shopped, talked, hugged, kissed…you know the usual. Brian bought me some candy from the Sweet Factory and then we left Tower City and went to a nice Irish restaurant to eat. The food was pretty good and it was the first time I ate there…impressive. After dinner I hung out at Brian’s mom’s house and watched the first season of Boondocks with him.

Yesterday Brian and I hung out with the boys at my mom’s and we just watched movies and played some board games. It gave us all a chance to bond. And he’s been bonding with the boys better than I expected. Elijah loves talking to him, Destin can’t keep himself off his shoulders, and Jeremiah loves to be held by him. It’s really nice to have someone that actually wants to be a part of my boys lives. That’s all I ever wanted…

I love him so much and wouldn’t trade him for the world…

This is how it looked outside in the middle of the day yesterday during a huge snow storm we had. It snowed all Wednesday until about 7pm. Crazy huh? It was an estimated 20 inches on snow that fell, but I haven’t been outside with a yard stick to check the accuracy of that prediction yet. I’m currently waiting on my refund from my school so I purchase my books for class and have bus fare saved up to catch the bus. It will also aid in me being able to pay my phone bill and I can just pay my web-hosting bill for the entire year so I won’t have to pay it again for 12 months.

Hopefully I can find a job before the money actually runs out so I won’t be scrapping for change just to get back and forth to school. It costs $4.50 a day to catch the bus and I’m down to my last $5. I really wish God will bless me with some type of employment. It’s not like I’m not making a conscious effect to gain employment. What’s the big deal?!

The good news is that Brian is coming back to Cleveland today. I am a little excited, but for some reason I find myself rather calm. Maybe it’s because reality of him being here with me hasn’t really set in yet. I love him so much and I can’t wait to see him, but I’m not nervous or anxious to say the least. My mood is rather quiet today…

I was invited to go to the movies to see some 3D scary movie with my friend Tenisha and Terrance. I remember the last movie we saw together…”The Unborn”. That movie really freaked me out. I couldn’t sleep well for 3 days because of the weird, freaky things that I witnessed in the movie. It took a really sick person to come up with the idea of making a paralyzed man’s body twist into a shape of something similar to a spider and then to add to the weirdness of that his head twisted completely upside down. That was the most disturbing scene in that movie to me! I hope this movie is not as weird. I don’t want to lose anymore sleep due to some stupid movie. My imagination is part of the problem because it will just run wild. Well I have to go write an article for Grow Black Hair Online before Tenisha gets here.

Today I found out that I was approved for a federal pell grant. I am so happy now because I can finally purchase my books so I can actually do my work. I have 2 weeks to catch up on my math. So as soon as I purchase my books I’m going to work my ass off to catch up on the math assignments.

I went to Koinonia Homes today to try to get hired back. I was told that I could always come back if I wanted to because I never left on bad terms so hopefully they will hire me back. I really hope so because at this point it doesn’t seem like there is anything else left when it comes to decent jobs in Ohio and I don’t know how much more I can take of my parents nonsense. I can’t even get a ride home from school without them complaining about it. Sometimes I grow tired of even discussing how they mistreat me so. It is pointless and talking to them doesn’t change a thing. I really hope God blesses me with a job very very soon so I can move out.

I applied for a job with the city in November and it was my understanding that if I didn’t get hired that they would refund me my $10 that I paid for the application. I’m still waiting to hear from them. That would be great to get a job with them because it’s $14 an hour and since my family are so inconsiderate about allowing me to use a vehicle or even get a ride I can just take the bus until I make enough to get myself a car.

I have something to be happy about today though! I have money for school now. I don’t have to drop out!! I’m going to work my ass off and try to make this count for something. I want to do web-design because I love it and if I can get a job doing something along that line I will not only be well off, but I will be happy too because it’s something that I’m good at.