I’m thinking about cutting everyone off…I’m good at shutting people out. I can remember a few years ago when I shut everyone out before. I felt so much better. It was like a weight lifted from me. The people I was hanging out with kept me stressed and upset because of the way they were. I saw them a few weeks ago and invited them to church. It seemed like they all were still doing the same thing or worse. For example, my former friend Kim just had a baby 2 weeks ago and her friend James came to her house to pick her up, and take her to his house to drink and smoke. What kind of friend is that? Like he totally forgot that she just had a baby and was advised not to drink because she had a c-section. He obviously didn’t care. I wanted to say something so bad, but I kept it to myself.

Now I’m back in the same predicament…Poor Sam, what shall she do about this? I feel weighted down, frustrated, and sometimes just angry. I’m usually this sweet girl with such an innocent demeanor that people would just take advantage of that because they thought I’d just let them do just about anything to me. It’s TRUE! I don’t know why people are always mean to nice people. I guess that’s just how the world is so I had to come up out of the shell and become a little a harder, no I take that back…A lot harder.

That sucks because I like to be sweet and innocent. That’s who I am. I’m not this evil witch that has an acursive rain cloud following her every where she goes, but this world won’t let me be who I am. On the internet (this blog) I can be whomever I’d like. This is where I can be that sweet and innocent Samara – - No one can comment on me. I’m free to be me.

I think I let the rain cloud witch Sam spill on to this blog. Especially yesterday, when Jeremy and I had that stupid argument. We do need time apart. We’ve never lived on our own and I think we both need that space and independence. Jeremy doesn’t want to pay childsupport for Destin. He thinks it’s all about money. Why should I have to pay for Destin a bedroom alone? I need to find a job that will allow me to make more than $452 a bi-weekly. If I could I’d stop getting workers compensation. I was trying to hold out on it so I get a settlement. I just have to see.

Still waiting on payment for the website I did for my church. I might have to use that money for my apartment, if I get it before the 29th. I need $742 to move in and I only get paid once more before that. I was thinking about getting a loan, but how will I every pay it back. I don’t need anymore debt.

What’s a girl to do?