Its back to the same bullshit and now I’m considering to make some life changing choices once again. I can’t even use my own computer when I want to! I practically work everyday and I get off at about 8:45pm at night. I have to walk home so I usually walk in the door at around 9pm. I have to feed the boys and put them to bed, next I have to clean up the kitchen. I finally get uninterrupted time on the computer by 11pm or 12am, but I’m forced to get off the computer by 2am when my Dad comes home because he doesn’t want me on my own computer!! I don’t understand them at all. I’m not hurting or let alone bothering anyone when I’m on the computer. What happens when I start online courses?! This living arrangement is not going to work if everything I purchase has to be controlled. I’m 25 years old, but I get treated like I’m 15.

They are always complaining about me using my own computer. I never had to go through this when I was on my own. I’m the only one that really does anything around the house other than my Mom. I cook, clean up, etc. My brother is so lazy. All he does is sweep the floor and takes out the trash once a week. You even have to make him put up the dishes, which is rare because the dishes have to be overflowing in the sink before someone makes him put them up! My sister is always gone at the hospital so she’s never here to help. I hate living here and I don’t want to be forced to move in with anyone like I have before, but I’m growing weary of this whole situation.

Brian said he was planning on moving out in the summer and he wanted me and the boys to come with him. I didn’t want to at first because of my fears in regards to how things have been in the past when I moved in with a guy. It’s not that I think Brian will be like them, it’s just my own experiences that creates fear within me and I’m a bit scarred from everything I’ve already been through. Even with my fears I’ve decided to give that offer some consideration considering my cirumstances. I’m losing my mind living here and I have to take my education into consideration also. I don’t think I will be able to be as productive if I’m cleaning up all the time and I can’t use my computer when I want to.

I told Brian I want to start looking for apartments with him so we can make some decisions together if we do move in together. I feel like if I involve myself in the whole moving out thing, it will make this change be more voluntary than involuntary like it has been so many times in the past. I refuse to go another year living like this. I’ve had it with them!