These people told me how this person has spread rumors to so many people making me out as the infinite whore of the Earth. On top of that she tells people I am an awful mother as well. I can’t believe I allowed this person to stand beside me in my wedding. This person wouldn’t even wear the dress I choose, but instead wore a horrible dress that was cheaper which did not work with her figure. She was the worst looking individual in my wedding party. Everyone looked better, and she looked like she didn’t even belong there. SMH. Ruined my wedding from her selfishness and on top of that she spreads more rumors about me than my worst enemy. I have never been around anyone in my life as fake as she.

I thought my baby father was a two-faced bastard, but man she’s won 1st place in that department. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. I want to disown her period. All that I have done for her and all she does is talk about me and everyone else in the entire family, but I am the one she talked about the worst of all.

I don’t even know if confronting her will be beneficial at all because it seems that my own parents are so caught up in the loop under her spell of deceit that no matter what I say, they will always be on her side. I am so hurt and angry. 2010 has become the year of learning the truth for me.

I know one thing, I will not continue to be the fool. What would you do if you were me? Any advice?

It is always something with my husband, always some issue and it peeves me off! Especially when I don’t see him taking the proper action needed to fix the situation:

Example #1: We had our first apartment together in July which only included water and sewer. My husband got the electric and heat turned on in his name and come to find out there’s a $400+ bill in his name that he knows nothing about. Mind you this is the first apartment my husband has ever had in Ohio ever. When he finds out the address of this alleged bill, it’s an address where his mother resided while he was living with his grandmother until he went to the navy. His mother fraudulently used his name and social security number to get the heat turned on, then to add insult to injury she leaves an outstanding balance. SMH. I told him he needed to sue her for the balance, of course he did nothing, but question her about it and her response was a nonchalant answer followed by trying to put him on the guilt trip of how much she claims she sacrificed for him.

Example #2: Our phone gets cut off after having phone service for about 6 months now with AT&T. Prior to our service being shut off we received a phone call notifying him of fraud. Instead of listening to the message he hangs up. I told him he should have listened to the message, but he didn’t really care what the message was about. This was a few weeks ago. So now our phone is off even after paying the bill in advance and when he calls he is told that someone called in and tried to open an account in his name and he has to send in proof of his identity before service will be restored. Mind you, we found out his mothers phone was off a few weeks ago as well. So hmmm… I wonder who the culprit could be? I told him again that he needed to sue her and also report her to the FCC and make a police report. Enough is enough. Soon he won’t be able to do anything thanks to her. It is unfair that we have to be phoneless, because of her selfish ways. What if something happened and we needed to call someone for help?

Example #3 My husband is on the phone with his dad and we just got done discussing how our income tax was seized because of him failing to file W2’s a few years ago. I am the only one with children and I stupidly filed jointly with him causing all my childrens money to be taken. Our income tax was $8501 and now it’s reduce to about $900. WTF? I was planning on furnishing the house with the money, so off course I am angry. I had to send in an injured spouse form which will take 8 weeks to process – with just a chance that I’d get my children’s money back. So I’m discussing this with him and he gets off the phone to finish the discussion, he then calls his dad back just to have him talk about me like a dog. My husband didn’t even defend me at all. I heard his dad asking him if I was ever planning on getting a job. My husband plays stupid answering in a reluctant tone “I really don’t even know dad.” – Wait? Is this the same person that begged me to quit my job last year and told me to stay at home with the kids, while he works, or is this person a fucking clone? Did I miss something? Then I hear his dad talking about love only goes so far, and we will eventually end up divorcing because of money issues, and asking him do he really want to be with someone that is going to hold him back? Once I heard that I got up with the reply “WOW” and went into my room slamming the door. Not one time did he defend me at all. Not once! Instead he played stupid, like he’s the victim and I’m just this freeloader that is letting him take care of me while he’s just working himself to death. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! This is the same person that I defended when my mother was saying all kinds of negative things about which led to getting into a physical altercation to the point where I had to leave and had no where to go, just because I loved him enough to defend his honor and what’s the thanks I get? To be dogged out and disrespected by his folks while he just sits there and takes it.

Then he plays stupid like he doesn’t know why I am angry and when I tell him, here comes all the sorry ass excuses! There is no excuse for that at all! He should have defended me. So yes, not only do I feel like crap, but I am starting to have regrets for this entire situation. Not only is there always some unknown issue biting us in the ass related to him, but even after I put up with all that bullshit, he can’t even defend me and I’m suppose to be his wife. The one that you forsake all others for.

Maybe this is the time I should be counting my blessings. Complaining about my situation isn’t going to make it better, but it won’t make it worse either. I pray for faith every night too, because when things like this keeps going wrong, I begin to feel like I am losing my faith. Sometimes I feel like what’s the point of praying? It seems like nothing is going to get any better no matter how much I pray, but I have to find it within myself to have the faith of Job and pray even more when it gets tough. Now that I think about it, he had it worse than me. I don’t even know if I’d be strong enough to still praise and/or pray to God if I suffered like he suffered…

I’ve been through so much in my small life…

I remember during one of the toughest times in my life. I was lying on the carpet in my apartment in Florida. An abusive psychopath was sitting on my chest chocking me after already beating me and drowning my face a hair with a can of beer. It was then, in all my tears and agony that I pleaded for God’s help and even though it wasn’t a “supernatural” happening. Help arrived and I was delivered from evil.

So I guess writing in this blog helped me a bit this morning. I’m going to go pray now. It’s all I can really do. And ask God to forgive me for my anger. I really wish I could just humble myself at times. It is painful to my soul to be as angry and as full of total rage as I was today.

Goodnite, or should I say, Goodmorning.

This dream is usually a different scenario, but it always carries the same characteristics: the moon turning black and the great Tribulation period beginning. The dream started with me being chased by a demon possessed man whom was trying to stab me with an icepick. I ran outside and down the street and it was raining profusely. The rain was actually pouring from the sky like a pitcher and the city was being flooded. As I ran I finally got to my Mom’s house where the boys were. My mom gave them to me and my husband whom appeared suddenly, but we had no car and there was no way we could get to high ground with three children and no car. I told my Mom that we needed one of their vehicles (they have 3 cars). She refused. I told her that if she never hears from us again it will be because we drowned in the water since she couldn’t help us. She then gave us her car. I buckled the boys in and my husband got in the drivers seat. I told him to move over to the passengers side because 1 he can’t drive very well, 2 it’s my Mom’s vehicle, and 3 I was the only one that knew where the flooding was the worst from running through it. He acted as if he had an attitude. I didn’t really care much and began to pull out of the driveway as I looked up to the sky to observe the moon which was very huge – like it was very close to the Earth and it was also daylight. I watched as the moon began to turn to darkness as I prayed for God to forgive me for my sins.

I have had recurrent dreams of the moon turning to darkness for as long as I can remember. I’ve also dreamed of airplanes falling from the sky during the time of Armageddon. I don’t know why I keep having these dreams or what the visions really mean. All I can do is pray for God to give me some answers to what it all means.

In other news, in case you are wondering why I’ve been sick for the last few months it’s because I am pregnant. I have concluded that this will be my last child I birth. I want a daughter, but even if I am not blessed with a girl I will not be having any more children. Being pregnant is very tiresome and I have complications with every pregnancy. I bleed every time I’m pregnant and this is the last time I’m going to put myself through this. I’ve already been to the ER twice, 2 days ago was the last time I was there. I am 12 weeks pregnant today. I wanted to wait until I passed that 12 week mark before announcing it because I wanted to be pass the high risk of miscarriage.

So we’ve been constantly calling the landlord whom lives in PA to ask him to have the items fixed. He hardly ever returns our phone calls and I’m getting really fed up with waiting to have things done in this house. My youngest son is allergic to pet hair. It causes his legs to break out severely! And it’s getting worst each day. I’ve never seen my sons legs this bad before so yes, I’ve been in a foul mood and for good reason. It’s so bad now that it’s starting to travel up his back. It looks like something is eating him alive!

This morning I had it with waiting. I scheduled an appointment with Stanley Steamer and told my husband that I was going to have someone else come in and clean the carpet and for him to call that landlord up and tell him that we are going to take every repair we make out of the rent. We shouldn’t have to wait week after week for repairs to be done. Waiting on him and my son will end up having legs that look like they belong to some type of reptile instead of a child! Our appointment is on Tuesday next week, which means as of Tuesday, my sons legs can begin to heal and I won’t have to see dog hair anymore!

I got rid of my cat just for that reason as well as the fact that she made our house stink, and I knew we were moving into a carpeted house. I didn’t need that extra aggravation of having to deal with pet hair and my sons legs breaking out because the house is carpeted. What’s funny is the landlord called my husband back immediately after he left the message telling him that we were taking repair costs out of the rent. Isn’t that funny? He can’t seem to call anyone back until we say he isn’t getting all of his rent money. My husband told him that we are tired of waiting for something to be done and he will be getting the receipts for the carpet cleaning and repairs along with his deducted rent until all repairs are completed.

I also believe we are going to have to have a window or two replaced because there is an energy leak in this house. Most of the windows are replaced, but there are 6 windows that aren’t and I believe there’s an energy leak in two of them. I’m going to make an appointment for that as well because we cannot afford to be paying a $3000 heating bill due to bad windows. It just seems like no matter where we go, we always end up with a sorry ass landlord. Well, this time I’ve decided that we are going to take matters into our own hands because I am fed up with it.

BTW: Thanks Carla for the idea!