I broke up with Jeremy today and told him I just want to be friends because I’m tired of feeling neglected, miserable and being left alone at home with the kids. We argued, but I stood my ground and made it clear that I just want to be friends.

Last night when he left again I called his Mom’s house 3 times to tell him it was over. The 3rd time I called his brother answered the phone. I asked to speak to Jeremy and he said he went to the store. Then he started asking me how I was doing and how my day was. I striked up a conversation with him because not only because I wanted to keep him on the phone until Jeremy got back, but also because I felt lonely and I needed to socialize with someone. We talked for a while and Jeremy never came back to his Mom’s house. Jeremy’s brother keeps saying he likes me and all this other crap. I told my Mom what he said to me and she said that he has a SERIOUS problem. The conversation started off about Jeremy and how sorry he was about everything. I read this letter Johnathan wrote while he was on the phone even though a few things I didn’t agree with in the letter, but I guess that’s how he felt. I started talking about God to him and then he’ll talk to me about God for a while and then he’ll try to go into an intimate conversation and I’d point the conversation back to God again. If I talk about Jeremy he’ll want to change the subject back to some BS and I would have to switch the conversation back to God again. I mean the stuff he said was really sweet and all, but that’s all game right? I offered him spiritual help because he really needs it [SERIOUSLY] and no one else will help him.

I mean after reading the letter I thought he was actually sincerely sorry. I don’t know if he’s trying to call himself testing me or what, but I’m tired of the whole thing. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. How can you like me and I’m your brother’s [ex]girl?

It’s so stupid, but I don’t care anymore. He’s a dumb 18 year-old. What can you really exspect? He still has a lot of growing up to do. Yeah he seems like a really cool person and I will admit that since we were friends and hanging out we found that we had a lot of stuff in common. We both can draw, like the same kind of movies, video games, food, etc. He’s really a mellow, easy going, carefree person.

 Hanging out with him would be easier because it would be less conflict, but it takes more than just liking the same things. Even though I do feel like that plays a big part because if you want to hang out with your significant other, it’s important that you both enjoy what you both are doing together. That way the two of you can enjoy each other because you both enjoy the activities so there’s no room for conflict. That also goes for conversations too! You both can discuss stuff that the both of you are interested in.

But come on now this is Jeremy’s brother for God’s sake!

I just wish everything was different between Jeremy and I, but it’s too late to erase the past. At least I know what it’s like regarding cheating from both sides. That way the next time I’ll be able to realize what’s going on and will be able to get the hell out of dodge when it’s starting. I won’t make the same mistakes like before…No soul-ties! I won’t cause my self to put up with stuff I shouldn’t have to anymore just because of a soul-tie.

Anyways, back to the conversation…

I talked to him for a while and then I was up all night. I didn’t even go to sleep (This is the 3rd time I’ve been up all night because Jeremy is no where to be found). Everytime I can’t find him I want to break up because I’m tired of that. He says not to call his Mom’s house because he doesn’t want Johnathan to talk to me, but if I knew where he was then I wouldn’t have to talk to Johnathan.

The next day when I asked Jeremy where he was he said he was there. I told him that Johnathan said he wasn’t. He said he was and he called Johnathan and asked him and Johnathan said “I don’t know how to lie for you.”

What is that suppose to mean? You tell me.

If John was lying why wasn’t Jeremy upset about being lied on? If I was there and someone said I wasn’t (considering the circumstances) I would be angry because I’d feel like they lied on me to make me look like I’m messing around and/or so they can talk to my man on the side. Maybe I’m just different.

He wasn’t even upset.

I know what’s up. I’m not a dummy so I broke up with him.

I still want to help Jeremy and Johnathan both spiritually, but I don’t want any relationship with neither one of them except friendship. It’s too many lies, so-called tests, and games. The only one allowed to test me is God.