samaraWow. I haven’t written here in a while…
I’ve been so tired or stuck watching court TV like Judge Mathis, Judge Judy, Peoples court and the like. Yesterday Jeremy and I went to Bennihanans if that’s how you spell it for Valentines Day. It’s a rather expensive japanese restuarant where the food is cooked in front of you by your own personal chef for the night. Our meal came with Japanese onion soup, salad with homemade ginger dressing, shrimp, vegetables, steamed rice, moist chicken, Habachi steak, green tea and our choice of sherbet or ice cream to finish the meal off just right. I didn’t eat the shrimp because I know that it’s a sin since shrimp and other non-scale non-fin foods are forbidding. Jeremy didn’t eat it either. The salad’s dressing was pretty nasty. I’ve had ginger dressing at another Japanese restuarant and the dressing was delicious, but the dressing at Bennihanans was nasty. I ate half the salad anyways because I know the ginger would help curb any pesky stomach problems I would develop after eating due to my pregnancy. The chicken of coarse was juicy and delicious and so was the steak along with the homemade steak sauce served with it. I ate orange sherbet for dessert and that was also yummy. I really enjoyed our night together…
The food was delicious and watching it being cooked was pretty entertaining.
My book’s been coming along pretty well. I’ve gotten up to the part of my life where I met Jeremy at Medical School. I’ve read my book several times looking for typo’s, bad grammer or paragraphs that didn’t flow like water. So far so good. I might go back again to see if there are any memories left to unveil in my book. I do remember one I left out because it was basically the same thing just at a different time involving the same person when I was a child. I left it out because the first incident I wrote about illustrated the event and I felt like I didn’t need to repeat it. I might add it anyway, see how it flows and if it sound good then great. If not I’ll cut it out.
I’ve gotten past alot of buried memories that I’ve kept within myself and now that I’ve finally faced these memories I can now put them behind me and look to the future. Writing this book is a break through for me and has given me a chance to address alot of pain and bitterness inside. I’ve never cried for myself for the things I’ve been through, but for once in my life I let myself hurt and I cried for all the pain I have endured. I know this is only the beginning of the healing process and there is so much more pain to be felt and tears to be shed before I am finally restored.
Last night I also had a dream that was a bit disturbing…
I was at my Mom’s house and a girl from the so-called church Called to Conquer named Christina called me. I talked to her and she asked if she could come over and pray. I told her yes. When she arrived I told her I did need some assistance in prayer and deliverance because I was spiritually sick and didn’t have the strength to do it alone. She said okay, but she had papers with her from Called to Conquer to read. I told her “I don’t want nothing to do with that corrupted ministry. I asked for your help in prayer and nothing more.” I went in further to briefly explain my reasons for not wanting anything to do with her church. She then took the papers and balled them up, through them on the ground and respected how I felt.
While this was going on the birds were not acting right. They were swaming into a circular whirlpool like manner and swopping down and attacking people. I grabbed my son Elijah and put him in the house. I then had to help Christina in the house because they were attacking her. I kicked a bird off her shoulder and pulled her in the house. My Mom stayed outside gardening and the birds didn’t seem to bother her. I strictly forbidded Elijah from going outside and he did anyway. I went out to get him before the birds attacked him and told him again not to leave the house,again or go by the windows or doors.
My friend Kim then called and her and a boy named Tyrone came over to pray with us. I ended up putting Elijah in a highchair because he continued to be disobedient by going to the door. By then it was night and the sky was the blackest I ever seen with only a handful of stars. Alot of the stars in the sky were missing. I sat at the table and told everyone that we were all going to confess the things we’ve experienced in our lives and as each one of us told their story we would then pray over that person in a way the Holy Spirit guided us to do. Before we started I decided to start the session with a prayer.
For some reason Kim had left so It was only me, Christina, Tyronne and another girl whom I’ve never seen before. We held hands, closed our eyes and I started praying. When I got to the part where I said In Jesus Name I felt something come close to my face and bite me. I thought it was Tyrone, but I had a feeling it was a demon trying to intimidate me out of praying. I then shouted several times “in Jesus Name!” for the demon to release me and I woke up.
Pretty weird huh?
I’ve been under a very powerful satanic attack since the age of 5 and as soon as I was exposed to my calling I found that the satanic attacks came even more stronger. Everytime I try to get close to God and I’m on the right track, Satan attacks me with very powerful blows. He has attacked me using Jeremy and his Brother in the same exact way. A way that was beyond my control because I am but so strong physically. He then sent my own cousin to steer me the wrong way whom I told to leave because I discerned alot of corrupted spirits on him and I didn’t want him around me or my family anymore.
When I give up on God and don’t try to get close to him the attacks subside and nothing happens…life becomes normal. I have to find a way to fight this spiritual battle, but I have no way of knowing how when the people Satan uses are too strong for me to fight off. If only I knew someone whom is spiritually strong in the Lord who has the same annointing as me that is now matured and not corrupted. They could help me fight it or guide me into fighting it myself. I am not spiritually well and I need so much healing, renewal of my soul and deliverance. I know the source of the curse, but how do I overcome it?
Tags: dreams, Love, Spirituality