Yesterday was a pretty awful day…

I don’t care what no one thinks about this post because this is my blog and I can express how I feel when ever I want. With that said I’ll begin on how and why my day was so awful.

I’ve been watching Anthony’s son for a few weeks now. I go over there and spend the night so I can watch him until it’s time to drop him off at school. I even offered to pick him up from school and watch him until someone comes home.

Away from my own children I did this favor for him. I have Destin whom is so precious to me and only 7 months old that I am away from trying to help out a friend. Then Elijah whom I tried to take with me every time I went so I won’t have to leave him (Elijah doesn’t like when I leave him). Months before this like I’ve posted in earlier entries; I’ve done a website for the church and am still waiting for payment for all my work done. I basically did all that work for free.

Almost 3 weeks go by and here I am becoming friends with Anthony’s wife. We sort of clicked and she was someone I could to talk to and hang out with with our kids. Nothing more than that as far as our relationship, just friends. I hope we can still be friends…

During the 3rd week of doing them a favor I’m getting accused of all kinds of stuff by Anthony which to me seemed totally unfair. Here I am devoting my time and effort to your ministry and children to make things easier for you and you treat me like this. I’m trying to get my son Elijah into Preschool and it seems to be more difficult than it should. School started on Tuesday and here it is Thursday and Elijah is still not enrolled. This is stressful for me. When he started pointing fingers I didn’t care anymore I just cussed him out because it’s unfair. Every time I help someone they always seem to screw me over. I feel bitched, used, and taken advantage of.

The whole ordeal escalated into a huge battle. All over some he say she say stuff. It’s so childish and I couldn’t believe I was stuck in the middle of this crap that I thought only happened in high school. What could I do?

I really don’t give a damn about any of that shit. It was stupid and useless. Now what? I don’t want to go back to that church because of the way he is. How can I look at this man and let him teach me about God when all I see is sin & strongholds? How can I when I know he ain’t right? I couldn’t see it before, but yesterday I saw it and felt it. I could feel the presence of demonic spirits when I talked to him. I always could feel their presence when someone was under attack by them. I’ve felt it with a former boyfriend and left him because of it. I felt it when I took the kids to the park the other day among the young adults that were there. And I felt it when I talked to him. I take that back…I will admit there has been times when I felt it before and tried to turn him away from me because I already knew what was going on, but I ignored it…He wouldn’t listen to me anyway if I told him…

I tried to overlook alot of his flaws because he is only human, but yesterday was extreme. Especially when you call my phone and tell me to “Go fuck myself!” when all I did was offer help and then you cuss out Jeremy when he has no idea what’s going on.

I wanted to fight because I do have an out of control temper…I wanted to fuck him up. I know I’m very capable of it because I’ve done it before. I’ve had this problem in middle school and once in high school. I’ve even had this problem within Jeremy and I’s relationship. I finally calmed my temper and I was doing good, but Anthony rubbed me the wrong way and I exploded. I was about to go start some drama, but Jeremy held me back and tried to calm me. I’m glad I wasn’t driving my car because no telling what I would’ve done. I was thinking about ramming my car into his or busting his head open with a bottle or something…Yup, that witch Sam was back.

I was so angry. Jeremy and I invi Jeremy invited this man to a movie because he had 4 free tickets. He is always inviting him places. He’s always asking him is he okay and how is he. He’s tried to be humble towards Anthony and all Anthony does is blow him off like he is no one. I told Jeremy not to call Anthony or text message him again. I told him to find someone who appreciates that type of concern because Anthony doesn’t care. I hope he listens to me.

There is so much more to this than I’m letting on, but I don’t want to say it all right now because it will taint the character of several people. When the time comes the truth will be revealed and everything may crumble because of it. I think I’ll let someone else take care of that because I’m not good at things like that.

I don’t want to be involved anymore. I deleted the churches website Called2conquer.org because I put so much time and effort in it and I got dogged out, and never even got payment for it. I would have left it up if I got paid. I still have the files and if he apologizes and gives me payment for it I’ll put it back up, but after that I’m done with him and his ministry completely. Maybe God doesn’t want me there. Hell I don’t need to be there. I was delivered from one thing when I started attending the church and here comes some more shit within the church that I wanted to help build putting me back into sin.

I will leave and find a new church. I’m going to attend my Mothers church and ask God for spiritual healing and deliverance. Maybe I’ll be able to help someone else who is worth it build their ministry.

As you can see I changed the top banner. The first banner I didn’t put much effort into it. I actually took my time with this banner. I had to do something to take my mind off this stress and escape reality.