I hope everyone’s New Year’s Eve will be better than mine tonight. Brian and I planned on going to a New Year Gala on the Nautica to do something special to bring the New Year in and we invited my sister and her “male friend” to go with us. She said ok, but then stated she wanted to spend it with her son so we could use her car because she was going to stay home with him. Then all of a sudden, at the last minute she claimed she was going to pick up some hours from another store at work, so our transportation to and from the event is gone and thank God we didn’t purchase the tickets in advance because they are nonrefundable. I really do wish people would tell the truth. I would respect her more if she’d just say she is going to spend time with some random guy or something instead of lying. Anyways, do you have any New Years Resolutions? Honestly, I don’t. I’m never really good at keeping them, but I do have a few things that I’d like to change about myself:

I want to start praying more. I do not pray enough. Even if it’s just before I go to bed and at meal times, it’s not enough. I forget to pray at meal times a lot too. I want my relationship with God to be a strong or stronger than the bond I have with my own parents meaning talking to Him more and not only when I’m asking for something. I like to thank Him for all his blessings whenever I can.

I want to start reading the Bible more. I used to read the Bible heavily, but I haven’t been reading the Word as much as I used to. Even though I know quite a lot, there is still so much more yet to be learned. So much wisdom, knowledge and understanding to gain. How can I minister to anyone without the proper wisdom and understanding?

I want to let go of my old ways. When I say this, I mean habits that I have acquired from living my life. All my hardships have conditioned my mind to think a certain way. I sometimes feel alone in the world, like everything is on me and I am afraid to ask for anything because I’m always thinking it’s too much to ask for. I was with someone for almost a decade whom was extremely cheap, complained about spending money on our family, and complained about anything I asked for stating I was a “gold digger” so I learned to get everything myself. Now I am with someone whom wouldn’t mind buying that $25 conditioner I want to try, or those $1.49 butterfly clips and $3 Denman brush, but it’s hard for me to accept that because I’m so used to having to rely on myself. We can be in the store and despite how cheap something may be, I’d only ask for one thing and wait to get the other’s myself. If my children need something I stress myself to make sure they get it because that’s the way it’s always been.  I’m not used to anyone taking care of me. I’m used to paying half of all the bills and if I don’t have my half then I have to pay that person(my significant other) back when I get it. This is the way it was for me, and even though it may sound stupid to you that someone would ask the mother of their children to pay them back, it’s the reality of what happened. So my goal is to let go of this preconditioned way of thinking and enjoy my new life.

These are my goals for 2010 so far, there not resolutions, but goals I will try to meet. I may look over myself and find more things I’d like to change, but so far these are the things that I will start working on, starting today.