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Welcome to Eternally-me.com(formerly Sweetvanillasugar.com), a digital journal of an eternal empress at heart, wife, and mother. This website consist of my personal blog about my life. Please read the site disclaimer before going any further. Comments are greatly appreciated! Thanks for visiting!

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Why?

Friday, February 19, 2010 · Add a Comment (6)

I don’t even know where to even begin when it comes to writing in this blog today. My day has been one of those days and I found myself so angry and full of rage because I am so sick and tired of the same repeated s*** time after time after time again! I am so tired. Why must I have to put up with this crap? I am just tired. It may sound repetitive, but I am. I feel like I am being swallowed whole. I pray for patience every night, but no amount of patience in this world can keep me calm when everything continues to go wrong over and over again. What do I need to do? Why can’t life just run smoothly for me, just once? Can or will I ever just get a break on this curse or whatever you want to call it? I do feel like I am cursed at times. Trouble follows me where ever and no matter what I do. Everything  just slips from my fingers tips and I never have control over it. It always happens this way, and before I know it, it is too late.

Maybe this is the time I should be counting my blessings. Complaining about my situation isn’t going to make it better, but it won’t make it worse either. I pray for faith every night too, because when things like this keeps going wrong, I begin to feel like I am losing my faith. Sometimes I feel like what’s the point of praying? It seems like nothing is going to get any better no matter how much I pray, but I have to find it within myself to have the faith of Job and pray even more when it gets tough. Now that I think about it, he had it worse than me. I don’t even know if I’d be strong enough to still praise and/or pray to God if I suffered like he suffered…

I’ve been through so much in my small life…

I remember during one of the toughest times in my life. I was lying on the carpet in my apartment in Florida. An abusive psychopath was sitting on my chest chocking me after already beating me and drowning my face a hair with a can of beer. It was then, in all my tears and agony that I pleaded for God’s help and even though it wasn’t a “supernatural” happening. Help arrived and I was delivered from evil.

So I guess writing in this blog helped me a bit this morning. I’m going to go pray now. It’s all I can really do. And ask God to forgive me for my anger. I really wish I could just humble myself at times. It is painful to my soul to be as angry and as full of total rage as I was today.

Goodnite, or should I say, Goodmorning.


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