Why?

I don’t even know where to even begin when it comes to writing in this blog today. My day has been one of those days and I found myself so angry and full of rage because I am so sick and tired of the same repeated s*** time after time after time again! I am so tired. Why must I have to put up with this crap? I am just tired. It may sound repetitive, but I am. I feel like I am being swallowed whole. I pray for patience every night, but no amount of patience in this world can keep me calm when everything continues to go wrong over and over again. What do I need to do? Why can’t life just run smoothly for me, just once? Can or will I ever just get a break on this curse or whatever you want to call it? I do feel like I am cursed at times. Trouble follows me where ever and no matter what I do. Everything  just slips from my fingers tips and I never have control over it. It always happens this way, and before I know it, it is too late.

Maybe this is the time I should be counting my blessings. Complaining about my situation isn’t going to make it better, but it won’t make it worse either. I pray for faith every night too, because when things like this keeps going wrong, I begin to feel like I am losing my faith. Sometimes I feel like what’s the point of praying? It seems like nothing is going to get any better no matter how much I pray, but I have to find it within myself to have the faith of Job and pray even more when it gets tough. Now that I think about it, he had it worse than me. I don’t even know if I’d be strong enough to still praise and/or pray to God if I suffered like he suffered…

I’ve been through so much in my small life…

I remember during one of the toughest times in my life. I was lying on the carpet in my apartment in Florida. An abusive psychopath was sitting on my chest chocking me after already beating me and drowning my face a hair with a can of beer. It was then, in all my tears and agony that I pleaded for God’s help and even though it wasn’t a “supernatural” happening. Help arrived and I was delivered from evil.

So I guess writing in this blog helped me a bit this morning. I’m going to go pray now. It’s all I can really do. And ask God to forgive me for my anger. I really wish I could just humble myself at times. It is painful to my soul to be as angry and as full of total rage as I was today.

Goodnite, or should I say, Goodmorning.