Yesterday was a very interesting day. It was full of revelation for me when it comes to a certain person in my family. I have been told things prior to yesterday from other people that were mutual friends of us in one point and time, but yesterday not only did I discover these things from 2 different people, the things that I was told were worse than I thought. When I think back at the incidences of the past related to this foul individual and how I stuck my neck out trying to protect her. Cursing people out in her defense and ready to got to war for her, I feel so stupid now because each time that I did it was because of the negative rumors she was spreading about me.

These people told me how this person has spread rumors to so many people making me out as the infinite whore of the Earth. On top of that she tells people I am an awful mother as well. I can’t believe I allowed this person to stand beside me in my wedding. This person wouldn’t even wear the dress I choose, but instead wore a horrible dress that was cheaper which did not work with her figure. She was the worst looking individual in my wedding party. Everyone looked better, and she looked like she didn’t even belong there. SMH. Ruined my wedding from her selfishness and on top of that she spreads more rumors about me than my worst enemy. I have never been around anyone in my life as fake as she.

I thought my baby father was a two-faced bastard, but man she’s won 1st place in that department. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. I want to disown her period. All that I have done for her and all she does is talk about me and everyone else in the entire family, but I am the one she talked about the worst of all.

I don’t even know if confronting her will be beneficial at all because it seems that my own parents are so caught up in the loop under her spell of deceit that no matter what I say, they will always be on her side. I am so hurt and angry. 2010 has become the year of learning the truth for me.

I know one thing, I will not continue to be the fool. What would you do if you were me? Any advice?

Man, I don’t want to say I regret getting married, but enough is enough!

It is always something with my husband, always some issue and it peeves me off! Especially when I don’t see him taking the proper action needed to fix the situation:

Example #1: We had our first apartment together in July which only included water and sewer. My husband got the electric and heat turned on in his name and come to find out there’s a $400+ bill in his name that he knows nothing about. Mind you this is the first apartment my husband has ever had in Ohio ever. When he finds out the address of this alleged bill, it’s an address where his mother resided while he was living with his grandmother until he went to the navy. His mother fraudulently used his name and social security number to get the heat turned on, then to add insult to injury she leaves an outstanding balance. SMH. I told him he needed to sue her for the balance, of course he did nothing, but question her about it and her response was a nonchalant answer followed by trying to put him on the guilt trip of how much she claims she sacrificed for him.

Example #2: Our phone gets cut off after having phone service for about 6 months now with AT&T. Prior to our service being shut off we received a phone call notifying him of fraud. Instead of listening to the message he hangs up. I told him he should have listened to the message, but he didn’t really care what the message was about. This was a few weeks ago. So now our phone is off even after paying the bill in advance and when he calls he is told that someone called in and tried to open an account in his name and he has to send in proof of his identity before service will be restored. Mind you, we found out his mothers phone was off a few weeks ago as well. So hmmm… I wonder who the culprit could be? I told him again that he needed to sue her and also report her to the FCC and make a police report. Enough is enough. Soon he won’t be able to do anything thanks to her. It is unfair that we have to be phoneless, because of her selfish ways. What if something happened and we needed to call someone for help?

Example #3 My husband is on the phone with his dad and we just got done discussing how our income tax was seized because of him failing to file W2′s a few years ago. I am the only one with children and I stupidly filed jointly with him causing all my childrens money to be taken. Our income tax was $8501 and now it’s reduce to about $900. WTF? I was planning on furnishing the house with the money, so off course I am angry. I had to send in an injured spouse form which will take 8 weeks to process – with just a chance that I’d get my children’s money back. So I’m discussing this with him and he gets off the phone to finish the discussion, he then calls his dad back just to have him talk about me like a dog. My husband didn’t even defend me at all. I heard his dad asking him if I was ever planning on getting a job. My husband plays stupid answering in a reluctant tone “I really don’t even know dad.” – Wait? Is this the same person that begged me to quit my job last year and told me to stay at home with the kids, while he works, or is this person a fucking clone? Did I miss something? Then I hear his dad talking about love only goes so far, and we will eventually end up divorcing because of money issues, and asking him do he really want to be with someone that is going to hold him back? Once I heard that I got up with the reply “WOW” and went into my room slamming the door. Not one time did he defend me at all. Not once! Instead he played stupid, like he’s the victim and I’m just this freeloader that is letting him take care of me while he’s just working himself to death. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! This is the same person that I defended when my mother was saying all kinds of negative things about which led to getting into a physical altercation to the point where I had to leave and had no where to go, just because I loved him enough to defend his honor and what’s the thanks I get? To be dogged out and disrespected by his folks while he just sits there and takes it.

Then he plays stupid like he doesn’t know why I am angry and when I tell him, here comes all the sorry ass excuses! There is no excuse for that at all! He should have defended me. So yes, not only do I feel like crap, but I am starting to have regrets for this entire situation. Not only is there always some unknown issue biting us in the ass related to him, but even after I put up with all that bullshit, he can’t even defend me and I’m suppose to be his wife. The one that you forsake all others for.

As a married couple I always thought you’re suppose to work out your problems without bringing anyone outside your marriage into it unless it’s a marriage counselor whom you both will agree to share your business with. With that said I’m trying to understand why my husband has took it upon himself to leave and stay at his aunts.

Yesterday I cooked dinner and he came home and we ate together. The boys were at my Mom’s so we had a chance to spend time with each other. I wanted to watch Law and Order with him, but as soon as he finished his dinner he falls asleep. Now him falling asleep didn’t bother me, but the sound he makes when he sleeps is straight annoying.

The reason I am so annoyed by his snoring is because it keeps me up every night. I have to get up multiple times (at least 5 or more times) and ask him to stop snoring, or to roll over on his stomach. I have to say it several times, sometimes even shouting it and/or eventually physically turning him over on his stomach myself. There are times when I’ve even got up in the middle of the night and slept in the bed with Destin or Elijah because of how loud he is. I’ve even started staying up all night waiting until 5am(when he gets up to go to work) so I can go to sleep. I can even remember when he would wake up after my several attempts of trying to get him to stop and he’d just go back to sleep on his back snoring just as loud. Sometimes I think he hears me and just ignores me and claims he didn’t remember me shaking him or calling his name. I’ve even tried sleeping on the other end of the bed, blasting the fan on high to block out his snoring, and even using earplugs (which leaves my ears sweaty and irritated).

So yes, I was extremely annoyed by just the sound of his snoring.

I guess he could tell I was irritated and he kept asking me what’s wrong. I told him nothing over and over again and he kept asking so then I told him it was my lack of sleep due to his loud snoring. The next thing I know he’s on the phone calling his aunt up asking if he can go over there, packing his things, slamming doors, and yelling about how he’s not doing it on purpose, and how all he does is work and come home. I’m still trying to figure out what his job has to do with him keeping me up at night with his snoring. I also don’t understand why my husband is leaving our home to go to his aunts because I complained about his snoring? (more…)

My life has been an ongoing nightmare since the end of this last Spring. I’ve moved 3 times already, and I’m about to move again because the apartment we moved in is infested with bedbugs! Thank God we didn’t have any furniture when we moved in! I just don’t understand how out landlord could move new people in(especially people with children), into an apartment knowing that it’s infested. We just moved on July 9th, and I’ve been at my parents home for the last 2 weeks. All our money down the drain! We can’t win for losing! I can’t sleep there, eat there, and it’s a total waste of time trying to furnish that place. I refuse to buy furniture or sleep in an apartment where I know that bugs are going to come out while I sleep and feed on me!

When I discovered the bug infestation I told the landlord and he wouldn’t even call an exterminator. Instead he pretended to call one and I was under the impression that he was going to send a company known as Thermapure to destroy the bugs because he gave us a list of items to remove from our apartment that had the companies  name on it.

We went to Cedar Point on the day of the extermination and I paid someone to watch our cat, Sapphire. Something just didn’t sit well with me about the extermination the weekend before because I didn’t notice any of the other tenants removing items from their apartment. While we were in Cedar Point we called the landlord and he told us that the exterminator wants to go over our apartment 2 more times. I didn’t understand that because I thoroughly researched Thermapure and I never read anything saying that there was a need to treat the area more than once.

I ended up calling off of work because of that reason as well as some other reasons and waited to see what was really going on. I also spoke to one of the tenants whom told me that the bed bug problem has been going on for about 5 months before we moved in and that they knew nothing about an extermination. I was so angry hearing that the landlord not only lied, but mislead us in when moved us in. I was then told by another tenant that she observed him heating my apartment with a propane tank and a fan!!

Around 9am, our landlord came to the apartment carrying 2 propane tanks and when I confronted him about only treating our apartment and not getting an exterminator, he changed his whole story claiming since we’re the only ones having the problem right now, he’s going to only treat our apartment. I also told him how we had to sleep in our rental car that night because of the bugs, how the every apartment needed to be treated to kill them, and how the bugs fed and suvive(up to 2 years without food),  he just brushed me off like it was nothing so I called Brian whom promptly called and cursed him out.

I then decided to call the health department, building department, fire marshall, tenant/landlord association, an attorney, our cities municipal court, and Thermapure. After telling Thermapure what was going on they asked for his information because they were going to more than likely sue him for mimicking their technique and trying to make us think that they were coming out. The Fire Marshall called him because of the propane tanks that he was using to heat our apartment and possibly blow everyone up, and the attorney and the tenant landlord association told me to threaten to put our money into escrow. The health department didn’t help me none because it’s bedbugs and not roaches.

This situation is so unfair. I couldn’t think of any solutions at all. I don’t want to continue to live with my parents, or sleep in that infested apartment, but we have no money to move so I told Brian to tell the Landlord that we are moving out and will like our money back. He agreed to give us our money back, but then offered to a new building with his guarantee that the apartment is 100% bedbug free.

What the fuck are we going to do?!

You know what pisses me off? When people steal from me. What pisses me off even more is when I do nice things for someone and they steal from me. Even worse is when they lie about the shit in my face and I can tell when you’re fuckin lying! I was so nice and kind, showing my appreciation by giving you money and even cooking for you as well as for your spoiled, ungrateful, lazy children and the thanks I get is for you to steal from me! WTF?! All I can say is never again. What burns me up the most is I am really sick and tired of people taking things from me and taking advantage of me. I had so much taken from me recently and I worked my ass off for the money to buy the things that were stolen. But you know what? You can have the shit! I just know better next time. What’s 2 pairs of new shoes to me, when I’m getting ready to get a BA and buy a house and a car for my children in the near future? You’ll be still living in public housing and on welfare waiting for a hand out that’s never going to come unless someone comes along and gives you money like a complete idiot, which you will just blow on dumb shit putting yourself back in same boat your dumb ass started in. I mean that’s what to be expected of a complete idiot.

If you had to be that low to actually steal shoes from someone that actually helped you - no, scratch that. Just stealing shoes from someone period, then maybe you needed them more than I did and I pity you because you are pathetic.

My life has been going through the changes lately. Somethings good and others not so great. At this point I’ve been trying to keep my focus on the positive things in my life because that’s what keeps me going. Sometimes I just look at my son’s and smile. My son’s are what I draw my joy from… they are everything to me because they are so innocent and special and I have unconditional love for them. Even after the storm my sons will always be there and that’s what it’s all about: THEM.

This morning I woke up irritated to the fact that my Mom was complaining about my case worker calling and saying Jea’neene and I have to go downtown. She kept saying if it wasn’t for me asking for cash assistance then we wouldn’t have to go. As I overheard this I thought to myself. What the FUCK does that have to do with Jea’neene? That is my fucking business! I have bills that need to be paid and I do need money so I can buy things that I need! I need a winter coat and so does my sons! We need clothes and boots, etc. I don’t have no one paying my car note or cell phone bill in fact I can’t even use anyones car to go to work so I have to find my own way! Then my Mom wants to argue with me because she doesn’t agree with me bartending. I don’t care how anyone feels about what I’m doing. This is my decision and I’m doing it for my sons so we can have something. Do you see why I moved over a thousand miles away???!!!

About 15 minutes later my sister storms downstairs complaining about her cell phone being off and how they owe Verizon $316. My mom gives her the money and tells her that she’s just going to have to pay the car note (to the car Jea’neene drives) late. She then complains about how she’s not going to put her name on anyone elses stuff and complains about how Jea’neene doesn’t help pay the car note. I just looked at the whole situation in total disgust. About 4 years ago my mom wouldn’t even help me out when I needed a car and I had a son to look after, plus I had the means to pay the car note, but she told me no and told Jea’neene yes about a year later. Ask yourself this question:

“Is there something wrong with this picture I’ve just painted you?”

I don’t even give a damn no more! It is what it is. It’s not going to ever change and like always I will have to do everything for myself. I’ve accepted the fact that they will always be unfair assholes so I won’t even stress about it anymore. I will have to get my own car on my own, my own cell phone on my own, and my own place on my own. I’ve done it before and I can do it again!

Yesterday was not such a good day. It started off okay, but then it just went all downhill…

I have been contemplating on breaking up with my boyfriend because I’m tired of feeling neglected so after lots and lots of thought I broke up with him and expressed all my feelings to him about how I felt regarding our relationship. I told him that I wanted to be friends for now until his situation changes where I won’t be neglected. I also asked him if he could cut Elijah’s hair and he said he would because right now I’m broke.

When I get home I tried to call Jea’neene to ask her if she could give us a ride over where he was to get Elijah’s hair cut since she was already on her way over that way, but I called Malcolm’s phone by accident. He was with her so I asked him to ask her and instead of just asking her if she could he wanted to argue with me about who’s going to cut my son’s hair! So while he’s constantly yelling into the phone I’m asking him “Why must I argue with you about my son and who’s going to cut his hair?”. Malcolm continued yelling into the phone so I just conveniently hung the phone up and walked to the barbershop with Jeremiah and Elijah to get his hair cut.

When I got home I saw Jea’neene come home grab something and leave. She didn’t say much of anything to me. Now while this is taking place I noticed my Mom’s car was in the driveway so I figured she was at her neighbors house, but around 9:45pm I thought that was weird so I called around to find out where my Mom was. Jea’neene wouldn’t answer her phone and when I called my aunt she told me my Mom was in the hospital. Now I’m pissed and upset, but when my aunt told me that Jea’neene claimed she told me and I supposively didn’t say anything I went from pissed and upset to infuriated! I started to feel like these 2 was playing games.

The game they was playing in my mind was don’t tell Samara about Mom, but let everyone know we did so Samara can look bad and seem like she doesn’t care. That type of shit has Jea’neene and Malcolms name all over it. I don’t know why those two are so spiteful.

They finanlly came in the house after 10pm and I asked Jea’neene, “So when were you planning on telling me Mom is in the hospital?” She got all defensive and blamed Malcolm claiming he said he told me so when I confronted him he again raised his voice at me again! Mind you I am 25 years old and this boy is 17. That was it so I went off on him because he’s been “trying me” all damn day!

After a big argument he left the house when I threatened to tell my Dad about him and now they want to call everyone in the family and try to put all the blame on me about the argument. I spent half of the night repeating the same story to everyone because of those two trying to make it like I’m the one that’s wrong. When my Dad got home he spoke with all of us and then to my Mom. He told Malcolm he was being disrespectful because I am the oldest and he shouldn’t be screaming and cursing at me. He then found out that Jea’neene knew about my Mom and just purposely didn’t tell me. Jea’neene wants to act like she is so “grown”, but you expect a child(Malcolm) to do a so-called grown person’s job.

I can’t wait until I have the money to move out of the fuckin house because I can’t live with idiots like that. Who wants to live in a house where everyone is always against you?

I really can’t wait until I move out. My Dad is such an asshole and he shows favortism for Jean’neene like it’s nobody’s buisiness. Tell me why her 24 year-old boyfriend whom got her pregnant can come over and sit and eat and watch TV, but my boyfriend isn’t even allowed the yard?

Yesterday we threw a party for my Mom where I footed the grocery bill and My boyfriend brought Jea’neene’s boyfriend over. Why can he come in and eat MY food, but my boyfriend can’t?

Me and my baby had to stay outside for the rest of the night just to spend time with each other. Now is that unfair or what? Even my big brother agrees. My boyfriend has a daughter so it’s like my Dad holds that against him. I have 3 son’s so why is that an issue? I’d rather have someone with children because then than can understand what it’s like to have one as to having a person whom has no clue or patience.

Then Jea’neene ended up taking her boyfriend home and my Dad acts like that’s my fault because he was waiting on my boyfriend to take him home. That has nothing to do with me for one and of her wasn’t such a complete asshole we would’ve been in the house and knew when he was ready to leave. Also my sister runs her mouth so much about shit she doesn’t know about that it makes the situation worse when all she does is go and have sex with her boyfriend. Atleast me and my baby can hang out and not have to have sex! We actually have a relationship. They’re just sex partners and now that she is pregnant I guess she got what she want because she hasn’t been over there fucking him ever since she found out, but I’m the one being treated like the step-child!

I can not wait until I move out again.

Well thanks to my sister I won’t be working at Fitworks. I told her yesterday afternoon that I had a second interview at Fitworks at 2pm. I then asked her if she could take me. She said she could. Today around 12:50 my sister left claiming she was going to get some pictures for my aunt from CVS. I started getting dressed and I was ready to leave at 1:15 because it takes about 30 minutes to get there in lunch hour traffic. Of coarse she didn’t come back and my Mom tried to take me around 1:30pm, but she was driving extremly slow like time wasn’t an issue and 2:00 came and I was still in the car with my Mom 20 minutes away from Fitworks.

I really feel like my family cares more about what my siblings have to do than for me. They make excuses for them and when I was angry about my sister doing me wrong my mom had the nerve to call me selfish! The whole time she could’ve took me, but taking Malcolm t work was more important to my Mom and he didn’t have to be to work until 4pm.

My sister drives around in a almost new cobalt while my Mom pays the carnote coming and going as she pleases, but when people asks her to do things she has all these complaints and she acts just down right ungrateful. I never had it that easy. I always had to do things for myself. My brother gets a ride to and from work, school, and football practice, but all I asked was to be taken to my interview thats all! If she couldn’t take me or didn’t want to she could’ve told me last yesterday when I asked and then I could’ve made plans to catch the bus.

So now I’m at square one again because when I called to reschedule the interview I was told that he would call me if he was still interested. I’m not going to wait on your non existant call for a minimum wage job. It isn’t that serious.

So now I’m back in the job pool again searching for another opportunity. I won’t ask my sister for any more favors and I won’t be doing anything for her either. I’ve been buying her stuff since I got back to Ohio and I couldn’t even get a ride.

So I’m again having more car trouble just when I thought all my car trouble had ended, especially after just spending $2000 on that car 5 months ago for repairs along with the $500 a year ago for an engine, $200 for a new alternator and recently $60 on a battery plus the $80 the mechanic whom ripped me off charged me! The sad thing is that I can’t afford to get new car because I’m paying for daycare and there is no way I’m going to get another “buy here pay here” piece of junk car. My car cut off on me 2 times yesterday while I was in the drive-thru of Chick-Fila I was so embarrassed and angry. When I got back to work I checked my oil and found that there wasn’t really any oil in it so I added some oil and the engine light went off.

On my way home the engine light came on again so I pulled up in a express oil change shop and ended up paying $174 for a complete oil change and cleaning, coolant flush, and power steering flush. My car seemed fine after all that and I went to go get my boys from childcare.

The next morning I took the boys to childcare and went to work, no problems with my car. I went to get lunch and again no problems with my car. As soon as it was time to drive home my car started riding rougher than usual, hesitating, and the engine light came back on again! I hate that damn car!

I went to get the boys mad as hell and stopped at Advanced Auto to have my engine checked. The machine said something called a cam shaft has gone bad. So now I have to spend more money that I don’t have to fix that stupid, raggedy, contraption. I still have another week of childcare to pay for on top of paying my phone bill and making sure I have gas money. I hate that car so much. I wish I could just win $20,000 so I can buy myself a new car and buy furniture for my home, but that’s only a fantasy that will never happen..not for me anyways.

This situation really sucks!