Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not – 1 Timothy 5:13

So, last night I went out with my friends to a club. My bestfriends birthday is today so last night was perfect! I would not have been able to party with her tonight because I don’t go out on the sabbath which is Friday sundown until Saturday sundown (those are my beliefs and I’m entitled to them). Anyways, I was having a good time the whole way through until I got home and my guy friend texted me saying he thought our flirting was going to ruin our relationship. I was pretty hurt because I liked him and I thought he liked me too, so it took me a while to fall asleep. I couldn’t even pray(Yah forgive me), because my thoughts were all over the place. I finally did settle down just to wake up to a text from him asking me if I was mad at him.

As I texted him, his reason for the texts was because his friend said I told him I was in love and he was the one! LMBO! WTF? I just got divorced and I don’t fall in love that easily. I’m way to cautious right now based off of everything I’ve been through. This friend of his is my sisters friend too so guess where this information supposed to have come from? He claimed my sister said I make my living off of child support and I was going to make this guy do the same. LOL! Oh and that me being older than him is gross and that my mom has a heart conditon because she always got my kids. LOL even harder. It was so many lies being said about me and him which were very hurtful to say the least.

 It is so funny how people who don’t really know shit make themselves look. I have a job for one and I also make money from my website(growblackhair.net). Jeremiah, Destin, and Israel’s dad don’t even pay child support so how can I make a living off it? I have orders for them, but I don’t get paid it. SMH, however my children are well taken care of. They have their own rooms and beds, clothes, toys, etc. My baby has his own nursery and my children are well fed. I am also about to start my own business that I know will be successful if I apply myself to it. Also, my mom has a heart condition due to her arteries being sensitive to car and bus fumes. Even so, my children are hardly ever over there. They are always here with me because I work PRN currently. If I switch to full-time they will be in childcare. So really what’s the point in saying all this?

Why do people have to keep putting themselves in my business. I was about to just be like fuck it man, I don’t wanna talk to anyone anymore. After the whole thing with my ex, having someone do me wrong will probably ruin it for anyone else that’s interested in me. I honestly wished I could disappear or just pack everything, change my number, and move away with no forwarding address. I know this is extreme, but I’m tired of everyones bullshit and I just want to be left alone with out being  judged and to lack drama in my life. I am too old for the nonsense and drama is something I will not tolerate in my life ever again.

I really need a hug right now…

My guy friend stated that he still wants to date, but this shit with my sis friend was just so pathetic and a waste of time and energy.

 *Exhaling*

Man…

These people told me how this person has spread rumors to so many people making me out as the infinite whore of the Earth. On top of that she tells people I am an awful mother as well. I can’t believe I allowed this person to stand beside me in my wedding. This person wouldn’t even wear the dress I choose, but instead wore a horrible dress that was cheaper which did not work with her figure. She was the worst looking individual in my wedding party. Everyone looked better, and she looked like she didn’t even belong there. SMH. Ruined my wedding from her selfishness and on top of that she spreads more rumors about me than my worst enemy. I have never been around anyone in my life as fake as she.

I thought my baby father was a two-faced bastard, but man she’s won 1st place in that department. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. I want to disown her period. All that I have done for her and all she does is talk about me and everyone else in the entire family, but I am the one she talked about the worst of all.

I don’t even know if confronting her will be beneficial at all because it seems that my own parents are so caught up in the loop under her spell of deceit that no matter what I say, they will always be on her side. I am so hurt and angry. 2010 has become the year of learning the truth for me.

I know one thing, I will not continue to be the fool. What would you do if you were me? Any advice?

It is always something with my husband, always some issue and it peeves me off! Especially when I don’t see him taking the proper action needed to fix the situation:

Example #1: We had our first apartment together in July which only included water and sewer. My husband got the electric and heat turned on in his name and come to find out there’s a $400+ bill in his name that he knows nothing about. Mind you this is the first apartment my husband has ever had in Ohio ever. When he finds out the address of this alleged bill, it’s an address where his mother resided while he was living with his grandmother until he went to the navy. His mother fraudulently used his name and social security number to get the heat turned on, then to add insult to injury she leaves an outstanding balance. SMH. I told him he needed to sue her for the balance, of course he did nothing, but question her about it and her response was a nonchalant answer followed by trying to put him on the guilt trip of how much she claims she sacrificed for him.

Example #2: Our phone gets cut off after having phone service for about 6 months now with AT&T. Prior to our service being shut off we received a phone call notifying him of fraud. Instead of listening to the message he hangs up. I told him he should have listened to the message, but he didn’t really care what the message was about. This was a few weeks ago. So now our phone is off even after paying the bill in advance and when he calls he is told that someone called in and tried to open an account in his name and he has to send in proof of his identity before service will be restored. Mind you, we found out his mothers phone was off a few weeks ago as well. So hmmm… I wonder who the culprit could be? I told him again that he needed to sue her and also report her to the FCC and make a police report. Enough is enough. Soon he won’t be able to do anything thanks to her. It is unfair that we have to be phoneless, because of her selfish ways. What if something happened and we needed to call someone for help?

Example #3 My husband is on the phone with his dad and we just got done discussing how our income tax was seized because of him failing to file W2′s a few years ago. I am the only one with children and I stupidly filed jointly with him causing all my childrens money to be taken. Our income tax was $8501 and now it’s reduce to about $900. WTF? I was planning on furnishing the house with the money, so off course I am angry. I had to send in an injured spouse form which will take 8 weeks to process – with just a chance that I’d get my children’s money back. So I’m discussing this with him and he gets off the phone to finish the discussion, he then calls his dad back just to have him talk about me like a dog. My husband didn’t even defend me at all. I heard his dad asking him if I was ever planning on getting a job. My husband plays stupid answering in a reluctant tone “I really don’t even know dad.” – Wait? Is this the same person that begged me to quit my job last year and told me to stay at home with the kids, while he works, or is this person a fucking clone? Did I miss something? Then I hear his dad talking about love only goes so far, and we will eventually end up divorcing because of money issues, and asking him do he really want to be with someone that is going to hold him back? Once I heard that I got up with the reply “WOW” and went into my room slamming the door. Not one time did he defend me at all. Not once! Instead he played stupid, like he’s the victim and I’m just this freeloader that is letting him take care of me while he’s just working himself to death. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! This is the same person that I defended when my mother was saying all kinds of negative things about which led to getting into a physical altercation to the point where I had to leave and had no where to go, just because I loved him enough to defend his honor and what’s the thanks I get? To be dogged out and disrespected by his folks while he just sits there and takes it.

Then he plays stupid like he doesn’t know why I am angry and when I tell him, here comes all the sorry ass excuses! There is no excuse for that at all! He should have defended me. So yes, not only do I feel like crap, but I am starting to have regrets for this entire situation. Not only is there always some unknown issue biting us in the ass related to him, but even after I put up with all that bullshit, he can’t even defend me and I’m suppose to be his wife. The one that you forsake all others for.

Yesterday I cooked dinner and he came home and we ate together. The boys were at my Mom’s so we had a chance to spend time with each other. I wanted to watch Law and Order with him, but as soon as he finished his dinner he falls asleep. Now him falling asleep didn’t bother me, but the sound he makes when he sleeps is straight annoying.

The reason I am so annoyed by his snoring is because it keeps me up every night. I have to get up multiple times (at least 5 or more times) and ask him to stop snoring, or to roll over on his stomach. I have to say it several times, sometimes even shouting it and/or eventually physically turning him over on his stomach myself. There are times when I’ve even got up in the middle of the night and slept in the bed with Destin or Elijah because of how loud he is. I’ve even started staying up all night waiting until 5am(when he gets up to go to work) so I can go to sleep. I can even remember when he would wake up after my several attempts of trying to get him to stop and he’d just go back to sleep on his back snoring just as loud. Sometimes I think he hears me and just ignores me and claims he didn’t remember me shaking him or calling his name. I’ve even tried sleeping on the other end of the bed, blasting the fan on high to block out his snoring, and even using earplugs (which leaves my ears sweaty and irritated).

So yes, I was extremely annoyed by just the sound of his snoring.

I guess he could tell I was irritated and he kept asking me what’s wrong. I told him nothing over and over again and he kept asking so then I told him it was my lack of sleep due to his loud snoring. The next thing I know he’s on the phone calling his aunt up asking if he can go over there, packing his things, slamming doors, and yelling about how he’s not doing it on purpose, and how all he does is work and come home. I’m still trying to figure out what his job has to do with him keeping me up at night with his snoring. I also don’t understand why my husband is leaving our home to go to his aunts because I complained about his snoring? He claimed he’s going over there so I can get some sleep, but we are married. Why are you at your aunts? And he was so quick to leave. I don’t really think he wanted to be here no way. I’ve been putting up with not getting any sleep for months and I haven’t packed my things and went to my Mom’s house whom stays right up the hill from me because we are suppose to be married. What the hell are marriage vows in a marriage if you don’t honor them?

After all the extreme stuff he has went through in previous relationships he’s never left his home, but he leaves his wife whom cooks, cleans, is forever faithful, and honest just because I complained about his snoring. Tell me, is there something wrong with this picture?