When we arrived I was told that the cub scouts had already went canoing and was waiting to be picked up. I went ahead and paid for a canoe and my brother, Jeremiah, and Elijah went canoing down Canal Fulton river. This was there first time doing something like this so it took them almost 3 hours to finish with a phone call from my brother complaining about how hungry he was and how his back hurt LOL. About 45 minutes before they got back, the cub scouts showed up. Turns out there was a mix up with the times. I was told 10am, but the scout leader’s son had a football game which made them change the time to 12pm. They thought they called everyone to let them know, but I was the one they forgot to call. It didn’t even matter anymore. Elijah went canoing and that’s all that mattered to me.

Once they got back, we ate lunch with the cub scouts, went for ice cream and went home. It was a pretty nice Saturday spent with my boys and my brother. Here’s some photos of our trip:

Here’s a few pictures of Jeremiah’s party! As you can see, he was actually able to have his party.  For those of you that don’t know, I did not get my water broken on Friday…

These people told me how this person has spread rumors to so many people making me out as the infinite whore of the Earth. On top of that she tells people I am an awful mother as well. I can’t believe I allowed this person to stand beside me in my wedding. This person wouldn’t even wear the dress I choose, but instead wore a horrible dress that was cheaper which did not work with her figure. She was the worst looking individual in my wedding party. Everyone looked better, and she looked like she didn’t even belong there. SMH. Ruined my wedding from her selfishness and on top of that she spreads more rumors about me than my worst enemy. I have never been around anyone in my life as fake as she.

I thought my baby father was a two-faced bastard, but man she’s won 1st place in that department. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. I want to disown her period. All that I have done for her and all she does is talk about me and everyone else in the entire family, but I am the one she talked about the worst of all.

I don’t even know if confronting her will be beneficial at all because it seems that my own parents are so caught up in the loop under her spell of deceit that no matter what I say, they will always be on her side. I am so hurt and angry. 2010 has become the year of learning the truth for me.

I know one thing, I will not continue to be the fool. What would you do if you were me? Any advice?

I want to start praying more. I do not pray enough. Even if it’s just before I go to bed and at meal times, it’s not enough. I forget to pray at meal times a lot too. I want my relationship with God to be a strong or stronger than the bond I have with my own parents meaning talking to Him more and not only when I’m asking for something. I like to thank Him for all his blessings whenever I can.

I want to start reading the Bible more. I used to read the Bible heavily, but I haven’t been reading the Word as much as I used to. Even though I know quite a lot, there is still so much more yet to be learned. So much wisdom, knowledge and understanding to gain. How can I minister to anyone without the proper wisdom and understanding?

I want to let go of my old ways. When I say this, I mean habits that I have acquired from living my life. All my hardships have conditioned my mind to think a certain way. I sometimes feel alone in the world, like everything is on me and I am afraid to ask for anything because I’m always thinking it’s too much to ask for. I was with someone for almost a decade whom was extremely cheap, complained about spending money on our family, and complained about anything I asked for stating I was a “gold digger” so I learned to get everything myself. Now I am with someone whom wouldn’t mind buying that $25 conditioner I want to try, or those $1.49 butterfly clips and $3 Denman brush, but it’s hard for me to accept that because I’m so used to having to rely on myself. We can be in the store and despite how cheap something may be, I’d only ask for one thing and wait to get the other’s myself. If my children need something I stress myself to make sure they get it because that’s the way it’s always been.  I’m not used to anyone taking care of me. I’m used to paying half of all the bills and if I don’t have my half then I have to pay that person(my significant other) back when I get it. This is the way it was for me, and even though it may sound stupid to you that someone would ask the mother of their children to pay them back, it’s the reality of what happened. So my goal is to let go of this preconditioned way of thinking and enjoy my new life.

These are my goals for 2010 so far, there not resolutions, but goals I will try to meet. I may look over myself and find more things I’d like to change, but so far these are the things that I will start working on, starting today.