Brian and I looked at a place today and we decided to take it. We gave them the security deposit and we will officially move in on Friday. I’m really excited but, worried too. One thing for sure is I am glad that there is no lease because I want to move into my own apartment soon. We only have a room to ourselves and the remainder of the house is shared with about 3 other guests. The house is also in the hood,but that isn’t what scares me…

 I am so scared because of everything I’ve been through in the past, but the thing that scares me the most is the fear of not having the money to pay my bills. When I lived in Florida this is something I went through and I was on the brink of being homeless. That was one of the most horrible, scary situations I’ve ever been in, in my 24 years on this earth. I was all alone in a state 1700+ miles away from anyone that gave a damn about me and I had no money, no job, and no way to support myself. I was so scared and no matter how hard I looked for employment I could never find it. I never want to relive that experience again.

I know that there’s a good chance that, that won’t happen again, but I am still afraid. After being through something as traumatic as that it’s hard to be trusting and let your guards down. I now know that things can happen, but I will try to have more faith in Brian as well as myself. I really hope we’ll be alright.

I’ve been messed up for the last 2 days behind something I saw the other day when I went to get the kids from daycare.

I pulled up and parked on the street as usual and as I got out my car I saw a man walking his two dogs (Looked like golden retrievers to me), when all of suddenly 2 pitbulls, one large white one and one medium brown one burst out the door running for his dogs. The pits immediately began bitting this poor man’s dogs around the neck trying to kill them. He tried snatching his dogs away by the leash and kicking the pit bulls, but they wouldn’tlet go. The owner of the pits ran out side with some stupid plastic handle brown trying to get his large white dog off one of the man’s dogs. I watched in horror as they continued to try to get the pits to let go. The owner of the retrievers continued kicking the pits and pulling on the white pit, but it wouldn’t let go. His other dog was lying in the grass almost motionless while the medium pit continued to clench its teeth into it’s neck. I was frozen in horror from the gruesome attack I was witnessing. I wanted to go, but I couldn’t bring my feet to move.

When I snapped out of the shock I went inside the daycare and told the owner. She told me her husband was attacked by the same white pitbull until he was bloody and no one did anything about it. She went out and the men were still trying to get the pits to let go. Someone went and got a water hose and hosed the pits off the dogs. We were 2 houses down and I could see the bright red blood of the poor retriever all over the white pit’s mouth. That image has yet to leave my head. It was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen.

The owner of the retrievers went to get his wife whom started screaming “Oh my God” when she saw their dogs. The police were called, but the car just drove up the street and left like nothing happened. He didn’t stop or ask anybody what took place…nothing.

What is this world coming to when a pit bull breeder can breed these monstrous animals across the street from a childcare center? What is this world coming to when someone’s dog can nearly kill a human being, but not be put down? Can anyone answer this for me? Thank God my children weren’t outside when this happened!!

I’m thinking about notifying the counter commissioner because the next time around it may be someones child.

So this post is mostly about economics and society…

I know that can cover a lot of areas, but I can only talk about what I am experiencing first hand. Maybe with this post someone will read it and understand what it’s like so we can all try to work towards a change.

In Ohio it was very easy to get a daycare voucher. All you needed to do was sign up, meet the requirements, and pay the co-pay depending on your income. With this kind of help you could easily go to work or school to better yourself, but here in Florida it’s a whole different story.

I thought with Ohio…having one of the top 5 poverty level cities which is where I am from Florida would be better, but no. I was wrong. The whole daycare assistance thing is separate from getting Medicaid and/or food stamps if you needed it. And currently there is a waiting list as of May from what I heard to get help because they claim they is no funding right now. How in the world are you suppose to work if you can’t pay for childcare?

I have 3 children and childcare would be $1500 a month!

Now if I was making $12/hour full time that’s $1920/month before taxes. I have rent ($595), utilities ($100-$150), gas ($100), food, etc. After paying the cost of daycare I would only have $420 left. That’s not even enough to cover the rent?!

People are always downing anyone who is on assistance, but look at the situation. It’s either don’t work so you can get cash assistance and stay home with your kids which is nothing or work and become homeless trying to pay for childcare and rent, etc.

It’s like you have no choice to get on welfare and after 4 years is over then you have nothing..unless you went to school and somehow got a great job paying $30 an hour.

So you see now that this is something I am about to go through you can now see first hand what it’s like. I do not want to get cash assistance. I want to work and then go to school to further my education even further than I already have as a Medical Assistant…which I did on Cleveland and found no job.

I do not want to live off of the government. I hate depending on anyone. I want to be able to care for myself and children without the help of no one, but it’s hard when jobs don’t pay much and the cost of food, living, childcare, etc. is so expensive.

Just wanted you to see how fucked up it is. I have a headache now.

Well…I didn’t get the job. They had the nerve to send me a dumb email:

Dear Samara,

We enjoyed meeting you and learning more about your background and
experience.

Although we were impressed with your qualifications, we have identified
other candidates who better meet our requirements for this position.
We will keep you in mind for o ther positions and your resume will be
maintained in our database for at least six months.

We appreciate your interest in UnitedHealth Group and wish you
continued success in your career.

UnitedHealth Group Recruitment Services

How nice is that?! I did all that for nothing. I could’ve went to the law clerk interview and had better luck. I wasted two days of my time just to get a rejection letter.

They’re impressed with my qualifications, but decided not to hire me? Whatever.
I met an older guy around 40 years old out here and he said that a lot of these so-called employers look at your qualifications and then the color of your skin.

So I guess he was saying that if I was “white” I would’ve got hired. I’m not racist at all, but that really sucks ass.

Honestly when I went to this place to apply called Apex pest control I felt like I was the odd ball and for some strange reason I knew even though the woman said she was going to call me the following day for an interview that she wasn’t. I felt like me being black was going to keep me from being hired. I never felt that way before, but something about it made those thoughts pop up in my head. Of course I never received the call for the so-called interview.

I applied at another place 2 days later and I felt the same way there…It’s like a vibe you get from certain people that their not looking at your qualifications, but your skin color. I got the famous “We’ll call you.” From him and in my mind I was saying “I know you won’t.”

Why should my skin color matter? I’m a human being capable of doing work, just like anyone else.

I can be organized and prepared with a powerful cover letter, excellent resume, questions with superior interviewing technique, but because I’m black it doesn’t matter. They see my resume and want to speak with me with their obvious assumption, but as soon as I walk through the door for the interview all that just suddenly doesn’t matter.

Maybe I need to find some black owned businesses to apply. I didn’t know race was going to be an issue.

Man…I saw all the jobs here in Florida and felt like this was the place to be, but I never knew the job I wanted so bad was color coded. Now I’m feeling desperate and will accept anything that pays the rent.

I’m starting to feel weary with this whole experience. People always pointing the finger at black females for getting on welfare. And here I am a black woman with 3 children trying to start a career putting all my blood, sweat and tears into it and I can’t even get a simple receptionist job.

Why do I always end up with the dead end jobs that just pays the rent? Will I ever get paid for what I’m worth? Does getting an education really matter anymore?

So today I will share some of the snap shots I got in Florida. I didn’t get to go to the beach and get pictures which sucks, but I didn’t visit Florida for fun, I visited Florida to take of important business. I’ll get some pictures of the beach in October, when I move.

Here’s a few pictures of the lovely Florida, I’ll be adding a page with all my Florida pictures for your viewing pleasure later this week:

One of the pools at my hotel.

Beautiful palm trees in a clear blue sky.

“Without Walls International Church” 7pm service.

A cute little gecko. (These things are everywhere.)

God’s Promise…a beautiful rainbow after the storm draped over Florida. (View the entire rainbow on my Florida Trip page later this week)

That’s all the pictures I’m sharing for now. I’ll add all of the pictures I took to my Florida Trip page later.

I am finally home and I am so glad to be home!

For some reason that flight wasn’t that bad…

Now that I think about it I believe I had a panic attack on Tuesday. I mean I had all the signs:

When I was in line getting ready to board the plane I started feeling light-headed. I felt light-headed the entire flight and I was short of breath. I thought it was because of the airplane and being at a different altitude, but when I rode the plane today my breathing was fine and I wasn’t light-headed at all because I was more relaxed and so focused on getting home.

So yeah I had a panic attack.

Well, I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted and I have my 2 boys to tend to. Goodnight.

My flight has been delayed due to the weather so now I have to be stuck in Florida until 8:30pm. I really miss Elijah and Destin and I want to go home!

It’s so boring sitting in this airport hour after hour. I’ve been here since around 5pm and now I have to be here for another 2 hours.

I just want to go home and look, hold, and kiss my sons. I want to eat a home cooked meal and go to bed.

Yesterday I went to a church known as “Without Walls International Church”. It was pretty exciting and one of the biggest churches I’ve ever been to. I had a really nice time there and service was really spiritual. I had to leave a little after the sermon because I had to walk to my hotel and I didn’t want to be walking back real late. That was a nice way to end my week.

This morning around 10:30am, I called one of the apartments to give the lady the hotel number to call me and she said I was already approved and needed to give her a $250 deposit to hold the apartment. When I heard that news I almost cried. I was so ecstatic that all this wasn’t for nothing and my new life has started to begin. I called my Mom and told her the news and talked to her for a while.

I can’t wait to go home though. I really miss Elijah and Destin. I miss home cooked meals, I even miss Jeremy a bit. I tried to move my flight to an earlier time, but because it was 11:34am when I called it was too late to catch the 12:30pm flight and the next flight is my flight, which leaves at 6:55pm. My Mom said it’s suppose to storm in Ohio later so that’s why I wanted to leave early, plus I have to check out at 12pm and I will have to find something to do for the next 5-6 hours before it’s time to go to the airport.

Well, today I was going to catch the bus to a few apartments because Alex kept taking me to apartments in South Florida which are expensive for my income. When I was heading for the door he called and offered to take to the apartments I wanted to go to.

I applied at 2 apartments that are based on my income. One has a $25 application fee and the other had a $50 fee. I got approved for the one yesterday, but it’s way 2 much ($698/monthly) and it sucks. These apartments are $543-$579 a month, with a playground, swimming pool, fitness center, etc. They are located in a nice neighborhood for me and the kids. As soon as I am approved Step 1 is completed and on to Step 2: Saving enough to move: $4000. Then Step 3: Finding a job in Florida (Very easy step).

They are hiring everywhere out here at it’s not hard to find a job anywhere here.

So I didn’t get a rental car yesterday and I thought it was the end of the world. I almost started crying because I was so tired of nothing happening for me, but for some reason I decided it was for the best. I mean I saved a lot of money without one and I will just pay $3.25 for an all day bus pass. Hey, the weather is nice so I don’t have to worry about being miserable because of cold weather.

When the complimentary van came to get me from the airport the driver and I talked and he decided to help me get a job and a place to stay. I would not have met him if I got a rental car, so I guess God worked everything out and turned a bad into a good once again.

It’s so many job opportunites out here and the gas in like 40 cent cheaper. Gas here is $2.99 a gallon for regular, but gas in Ohio is like $3.46 a gallon. I have to get my money together so I can move.

So far I’ve completed one application, but man, the rent is $698/month! The cheap apartments are located in Lakeland Florida, but Alex (the driver) claims that Lakeland is racists and I don’t want my children subjected to racism. I don’t teach them that and I won’t have them going through that, we’ve already been through enough.