I really don’t want to forget anything, but this child I’m carrying  makes me so forgetful at times, in addition to making my face breakout constantly. None of my boys ever did this! Speaking of my baby, we’ve come up with baby names! I’m not sharing them online just yet, but I am really happy with the female name I picked. It just came to me out of no where because for the life of me I couldn’t come up with not one idea. If this is a girl I don’t want the name to be common. Also I’ve run out of ideas for a boy seeing that I already have 3 so I left that up to Brian.

Anyways, back to my haircare line… I plan on launching my store in either July or September. Maybe I should wait until September when the baby is already born, but we will see. I just don’t want to launch it in July and when August comes, people’s orders are delayed due to me going into labor, staying at the hospital, and recovering from the birth. I may just wait until my birthday to launch the site now that I think about it because  I don’t know how successful the grand opening will be. I may sell all my inventory or I  may not sell a thing. I’ll just have to cross my fingers and pray on it. I’ve already figured out my starting capital for an inventory of about 30 items per product to start out. If I wait until September to launch I will have 90% of the starting capital just from my Google revenue alone if I continue to earn the consistent amounts I’ve been earning. That is why I always prewrite my articles to keep my site constantly updated. I plan on writing about a months worth of prewritten articles in August to cover me until October because of the baby and my hair product site. I just have to come up with some good ideas because I never write useless garbage on my site. I save that for my personal blog lol :lol:  .  Anyways enough of my rambling, I have an article idea and I must write it before I retire.

I will update this post later with a few ultrasound pics real soon.

Anyways, I’ve been busy with my GrowBlackHair.NET site as usual. I plan on creating my own haircare line very soon as well. The first products I will offer will be my very own hair butter for twists, braids, and locks. A natural pomade which I have perfected YAY! A natural leave-in conditioner (Haven’t came up with a perfect concoction just yet.) I will also offer a sulfate free shampoo, clay based deep conditioner, moisturizing hair spray, and natural hair gel in the near future.

Today was same ole, same ole, except the fact that I was able to borrow my sisters car while I was at work and went to sign up for the Civil Service Exam for a Cleveland Police Officer. This will be the second time I will be taking an exam this year. Hopefully this time around it will be worth my time because despite my efforts and high score on the last exam, no one ever called me for a job. Honestly I’m not even putting all my faith into it this go around. I’m at the point where I just don’t really give a fuck, but I’m really tired of working for scraps. I’m tired of not having enough, living paycheck to paycheck; Applying for loans because I don’t have enough just to be declined; Longing for things, but I can never get them; Wearing the same raggedy shoes I purchased last year; Washing the same 5 pairs of jeans over and over; Looking for a way out; Catching the bus; walking long distances; dreaming, wishing, hoping…. I’m just plain fucking tired of my situation and no matter how I strive to change it, it always seems like I end up right where I started with completely nothing, but fucking disappointments!!

Wow, I didn’t know this entry was going to become another one of my rants, but sometimes you just get tired of the same fuckin’ shit day, after day, after day!

The newest thing in my life is Brian and I finally got our own little spot. It’s not much, but it’s a temporary start. We are currently renting a room in a shared house until we both have the finacial assets to move into an actual apartment although we’ve been also talking about getting a house and maybe renting out half of it. With the Down Payment Assistance program and his military benefits we can have the boys and ourselves in a house. I can’t wait until something moves in our favor so we can start making some steps forward, but this is a start. We can both sleep peacefully, and I can use my computer without people trying to control what I do with it. I don’t have to listen to anyone bitching and complaining and neither does Brian. We finally have a little peace in our lives.

I am really nervous, but I have faith in Brian. I love him so dearly and I believe we can make this work as long as we work together. Brian is so different from what I’m used to. He’s so loving and caring and helpful. He doesn’t disrespect me he is completely perfect in my eyes. I can’t see anything wrong with him. He is completely perfect from every angle in my eyes and I thank God for giving me another chance with him.

 I am so scared because of everything I’ve been through in the past, but the thing that scares me the most is the fear of not having the money to pay my bills. When I lived in Florida this is something I went through and I was on the brink of being homeless. That was one of the most horrible, scary situations I’ve ever been in, in my 24 years on this earth. I was all alone in a state 1700+ miles away from anyone that gave a damn about me and I had no money, no job, and no way to support myself. I was so scared and no matter how hard I looked for employment I could never find it. I never want to relive that experience again.

I know that there’s a good chance that, that won’t happen again, but I am still afraid. After being through something as traumatic as that it’s hard to be trusting and let your guards down. I now know that things can happen, but I will try to have more faith in Brian as well as myself. I really hope we’ll be alright.