I haven’t done anything to him at all, but he steals from me and every time I speak to him he is very hostile making my blood pressure go up regardless of how much I try to remain calm. I really don’t want anymore drama. I just want to go to court get a divorce and move on with my life, but I’m sure like always, he’s going to make it difficult. He really acts like I’ve done something wrong to him, when in reality I was a good wife and I didn’t deserve to be dragged into a deceitful relationship. I also discovered he was telling his aunts that I neither cook nor clean. He is such a liar. Even the food they sent him home with he threw away because he prefers to eat slop. Anyways, I don’t really care what THEY think about me. He is their nephew so they are going to take his word for it no matter how much of a lie it is so I honestly can careless. I’m glad that this marriage has come to a end. The last six months was hell.

What’s so funny is all this time I was thinking that my unborn child was the reason why my face was breaking out so bad. My face is still breaking out mildly, but I haven’t been getting those really bad pimples that don’t go away and appear daily since Brian has been gone. I guess you can say the stress from his mere presence was causing the breakouts. My mom kept saying it was stress, but I blamed it on the baby until now. Every since he left, things have been looking up for me. I now have my own vehicle, the house is furnished, I’m talking to old friends again, I’m not sleeping on the floor anymore, the house is clean, and I can cook whatever I want and actually make Koolaid AGAIN…LOL. I don’t have to worry about some selfish person drinking the entire pitcher of Koolaid up once I make it. I’m sure more good things will come my way. All I have to do is continue to focus on God.

Well, this post isn’t going to be very long. I have to go home and fix dinner for the boys, bathe them, and put them to bed.

Goodnight.

Today was same ole, same ole, except the fact that I was able to borrow my sisters car while I was at work and went to sign up for the Civil Service Exam for a Cleveland Police Officer. This will be the second time I will be taking an exam this year. Hopefully this time around it will be worth my time because despite my efforts and high score on the last exam, no one ever called me for a job. Honestly I’m not even putting all my faith into it this go around. I’m at the point where I just don’t really give a fuck, but I’m really tired of working for scraps. I’m tired of not having enough, living paycheck to paycheck; Applying for loans because I don’t have enough just to be declined; Longing for things, but I can never get them; Wearing the same raggedy shoes I purchased last year; Washing the same 5 pairs of jeans over and over; Looking for a way out; Catching the bus; walking long distances; dreaming, wishing, hoping…. I’m just plain fucking tired of my situation and no matter how I strive to change it, it always seems like I end up right where I started with completely nothing, but fucking disappointments!!

Wow, I didn’t know this entry was going to become another one of my rants, but sometimes you just get tired of the same fuckin’ shit day, after day, after day!

I’ve made some changes to the site over the course of the last few days. I changed my default smilies to these cute, white, puff-like smilies and I changed the comment’s plugin as well as added some new features to the site. I was using Sexy Comments, but it seems like when I activated Commentluv it caused Sexy Comments to malfunction. When I clicked on the “Reply” link it wouldn’t copy the comment into the comment form. Instead it would display the word “null“. I then decided to deactivate Commentluv and it didn’t help. Next I reinstalled Sexy Comments with Commentluv still disabled and it still didn’t work so I ended up installing Ajax-Reply-Comments which works like a charm and is compatible with the Commentluv plugin.

Man I am so tired. I’ve felt myself almost doze off twice already and I’ve been fighting my sleep all day. I’m going to try to call it a night.

I finally got an interview at a place working with people with developmental disabilities all the way across town. It’s a third shift position which is perfect for me. I really hope I get hired there. I’m tired of looking for a job and if I have to catch the bus all the way across town then so be it. I have to go there on Thursday and give them all my information so hopefully everything will work out the way I would like it to.

I also saw The move the Last House on the Left this weekend with my best friend Tenisha. I liked the movie and I didn’t like the movie because I don’t like movies containing sexual abuse, but I loved to watch a movie where someone actually got what was coming to them for once. I was under the impression that this movie was going to be scary because that’s what Tenisha said, but I found it to be amusing as well as a little sick and twisted.

I also went to see my nephew yesterday. He is so tiny compared to my children when they were born. He is supposed to remain in the hospital until May. I really hope God blesses me with a job soon so I can make preparations to move out of here before he comes home. There’s not very much room here in this house and I’m growing weary of living like this. If nothing happens for me I’m going to put off my web-design dreams and go to school for STNA and try to get a job in that field. I’ll give Ohio 90 days after my initial job search and if all else fails I’m out of here. I’m tired of Ohio’s economy. I’ve been here for about 8 months and I’ve yet to gain employment anywhere. The pickings are slim for things that I”m qualified for and for the jobs that I am qualified for I don’t even get any call backs. I wonder if that place I went to last week is going to even call me back. What can I be doing wrong? Why can’t I find a job?!

Well it’s late. I’m going to apply for one more job and then go to bed.