Yes, you read right. I’m finally getting married to the man of my dreams, Brian (Laureate Earl Chancey) Crayton. We will be getting married this year on November 20th. We were planning on waiting until next year, but Brian just didn’t want to wait any longer and he can’t stand the thought of going into the new year without being married. So here we are 4 months and 20 days away from the big “I do”. So much work to do, planning, and money to be saved. BTW: We’ve launched our own wedding website at SweetVanillaSugar.COM.

We aren’t having a big wedding, but it still costs. I don’t want to be married in a church, and neither does he so we are going to rent a hall. If we would’ve waited until next year we would’ve gotten married outside, but it doesn’t matter. I love him so much and I’m glad that my dreams are finally coming true for once.

We’re also looking to move. Hopefully next month. I don’t think I can bare another month living in this ragged attack. We have mice, we live with a ghetto prostitute, and 2 old farts that have no respect for anyone in this house! I brought my cat Saphire here and the other night I could’ve sworn I saw a mouse on the bed. I was having a hard time settling down and then something told me to look over. When I did I saw a dark shape that was the equivalent size of a small rodent coming towards me. I quickly grabbed Jeremiah off the bed and jumped on the couch. Waking Brian up and turning the light on the rodent seemed to have vanished. I haven’t slept good since. I really think this place is making me lose my mind.

In other news I completed my first session of classes with an A. I’m really proud of myself and I hope I can keep at it on the same path good grades.

I’m also considering quitting my job soon. Brian wants me to, and I do and I don’t at the same time, but after finding out that despite how much a work and my previous experience, that I’m getting paid less than everyone else, I just might do that. I mean I have experience working with the MRDD population. Willing Hands work me like a Hebrew slave (6 days a week at times). When the owner and supervisor went on vacation a girl called off, and then the new girl they hired never came. I covered all the shifts to the point of even being the only worker in the house for a whole month. What’s the thanks that I get? To be paid $8/hour, while my best friend with no experience gets hired at $8.25 and another girl is hired at $8.75. WTF?!

I know I haven’t updated in a while because I’ve been so busy. It seems like all I do is work and that’s going to have to come to a stop. I work 5 or 6 days a week, but I only get up to 28 hours per week. Now does that make any sense to you?! I also had an interview and I’ve already taken the drug tests and background tests for the position. I will be only working 3 days a week and I will get 36 hours per week qualifying me as full-time. The shifts are 12 hour shifts, but 6 of those hours are paid sleep time. As soon as I am told when orientation starts I will be notifying my current job that I may need to resign. I wanted to keep this job, but it really doesn’t make any sense to do so. It takes up all my time during the week and I have hardly anytime to be with my boys let alone complete any of my school assignments which will begin May 15th. My education comes first and I know this job isn’t going to take me anywhere. All it does is pay my phone bill, and give me money to get around and have a little fun. I can’t do anything big like move into an apartment, or get a car. I gave this a great deal of thought and I’ve decided that my current job is really too much of a strain for me.

The newest thing in my life is Brian and I finally got our own little spot. It’s not much, but it’s a temporary start. We are currently renting a room in a shared house until we both have the finacial assets to move into an actual apartment although we’ve been also talking about getting a house and maybe renting out half of it. With the Down Payment Assistance program and his military benefits we can have the boys and ourselves in a house. I can’t wait until something moves in our favor so we can start making some steps forward, but this is a start. We can both sleep peacefully, and I can use my computer without people trying to control what I do with it. I don’t have to listen to anyone bitching and complaining and neither does Brian. We finally have a little peace in our lives.

I am really nervous, but I have faith in Brian. I love him so dearly and I believe we can make this work as long as we work together. Brian is so different from what I’m used to. He’s so loving and caring and helpful. He doesn’t disrespect me he is completely perfect in my eyes. I can’t see anything wrong with him. He is completely perfect from every angle in my eyes and I thank God for giving me another chance with him.

Today my mood is happy…honestly happy isn’t even the word. I just found out earlier today that my emperor is not going back to California. He is here to stay and that was the best Valentine’s day gift I could ever asked for. We spent all of… well most of yesterday together. I ended up staying the night because I fell asleep and when I woke up I only had 8 minutes to get my coat on and get to the bus stop that is about 2 blocks down from where he stays. So I texted my mom and told her I was spending the night and spent a wonderful night with my emperor. We ended up watching the movie Twilight until we both fell asleep and he held me all night while we slept. I am so in love with that man. I hope everyone else had a great Valentine’s Day.

I’m thinking about putting braids in my hair for a few months so I won’t have to style my hair. All I’ll have to do is wash, deep condition and moisturize my hair with a good leave in conditioner, oil sheen, or braid sheen spray. I’m going to have my little sister braid the back of my hair because I can’t see back there and I want my braids to look really nice.

Well I have to go to bed now. I am really worn out and tired.

My heart speaks words that the ears can never hear;
My emotions are not able to be expressed by words alone;
No amount of words on this earth or in this galaxy can even come close
to the love that has consumed my soul…

I shed tears when I think about the angel God has sent me;
What greater gift than an innocent child, but
An emperor with love that purifies my soul;
His love speaks to my heart;
His words speak to my soul;
I am bound by love eternally…

This feeling has loosened my chains;
I have spawn wings to fly;
soaring high, powered by undying love;
eternally yours;
eternally true;
What else can I say…I love you.

My most precious possessions are yours to have;
my heart;
my soul;
my life;
All which are priceless;
Worth more than gold, silver, and precious stones;
Worth more than anything on this earth and the next…

Those 3 words can never express the emotions I have inside;
My heart speaks words that the ears can never hear;
My emotions are not able to be expressed by words alone;
Even though these 3 words can never measure up to what I feel inside;
I love you.
I love you.
I love you….

I got a new lab top today. I used some of my refund money from school to get it and I have to say I paid more money for it than I wanted to. I had my eye on this acer lab top that was $449, but I ended up getting one that was over $500 because it had more memory and GB. I can now get on the internet and work on my site’s and blog and on my school work too which is most important to me.

Today was a little stressful today. More stupid unneccessary drama that is useless to discuss, but yeah… the drama happened today and of course everyone tries to say I’m wrong and selfish…. I never thought I would be called selfish for going to Best Buy to purchase a lap top for school. I mean I am going to school to get a degree for Interactive Media! You tell me why I am selfish when I asks my mom and sister to pick me up from Best Buy and when no one wants to I called my Dad whom called my Mom and told her to get me and then she got mad at me because she just didn’t want to I’ve now decided that I won’t ask them to do anything for me because it seems like there is always an obstacle when it comes to them doing them things for me.

Well I’m glad I have a lab top. That’s one step towards making something happen. Things will get so much easier when I finally have a job somewhere. I just know that as soon as I get a job somewhere and I mean a “good” job, that things will begin to come together like they should I can finally have peace. I’m tired of being distraught and irritated when I feel that I’m being treated unfairly.

Brian my Eternal Emperor

My love life has been so great. For once in my life I finally feel loved and I can express myself beyond words to him. I have never been able to say I love you so easily to someone other than my boys. God I love that man so much and nothing, no thing, or person will ever come between us again…

This weekend has been very nice to me. I spent Sunday and Monday with Brian. I also hung out with him on Friday!

We(Brian, Jeremiah and I) went to the movies on Friday to see that movie Underworld. I enjoyed the movie, but I was so distracted by just being happy with Brian that the movie didn’t really do much for me. Friday was our first day actually seeing each other in the flesh after 6 years and I just couldn’t focus. I was really happy. Even Jeremiah whom was acting up in the theater didn’t bother me…

On Sunday we went to Tower City and window shopped, talked, hugged, kissed…you know the usual. Brian bought me some candy from the Sweet Factory and then we left Tower City and went to a nice Irish restaurant to eat. The food was pretty good and it was the first time I ate there…impressive. After dinner I hung out at Brian’s mom’s house and watched the first season of Boondocks with him.

Yesterday Brian and I hung out with the boys at my mom’s and we just watched movies and played some board games. It gave us all a chance to bond. And he’s been bonding with the boys better than I expected. Elijah loves talking to him, Destin can’t keep himself off his shoulders, and Jeremiah loves to be held by him. It’s really nice to have someone that actually wants to be a part of my boys lives. That’s all I ever wanted…

I love him so much and wouldn’t trade him for the world…

This is how it looked outside in the middle of the day yesterday during a huge snow storm we had. It snowed all Wednesday until about 7pm. Crazy huh? It was an estimated 20 inches on snow that fell, but I haven’t been outside with a yard stick to check the accuracy of that prediction yet. I’m currently waiting on my refund from my school so I purchase my books for class and have bus fare saved up to catch the bus. It will also aid in me being able to pay my phone bill and I can just pay my web-hosting bill for the entire year so I won’t have to pay it again for 12 months.

Hopefully I can find a job before the money actually runs out so I won’t be scrapping for change just to get back and forth to school. It costs $4.50 a day to catch the bus and I’m down to my last $5. I really wish God will bless me with some type of employment. It’s not like I’m not making a conscious effect to gain employment. What’s the big deal?!

The good news is that Brian is coming back to Cleveland today. I am a little excited, but for some reason I find myself rather calm. Maybe it’s because reality of him being here with me hasn’t really set in yet. I love him so much and I can’t wait to see him, but I’m not nervous or anxious to say the least. My mood is rather quiet today…

I was invited to go to the movies to see some 3D scary movie with my friend Tenisha and Terrance. I remember the last movie we saw together…”The Unborn”. That movie really freaked me out. I couldn’t sleep well for 3 days because of the weird, freaky things that I witnessed in the movie. It took a really sick person to come up with the idea of making a paralyzed man’s body twist into a shape of something similar to a spider and then to add to the weirdness of that his head twisted completely upside down. That was the most disturbing scene in that movie to me! I hope this movie is not as weird. I don’t want to lose anymore sleep due to some stupid movie. My imagination is part of the problem because it will just run wild. Well I have to go write an article for Grow Black Hair Online before Tenisha gets here.

I am feeling something I have never felt before and it is crazy. I always thought I couldn’t learn to love anyone, but myself, my children, and close family members, but I’ve some how fallen in love and the way I feel is like nothing I have ever felt before…

I sometimes feel like screaming, crying, sighing. It makes me take a deep breathe just to keep my cool. Sometimes I even feel weak all over. The love I have for this man has bound me so deeply and I am vulnerable to him… I can’t stop saying “I love you.” to him. This is insane, but I’ve never been so happy.

Never in a million years would I think my first love Brian would be the man I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

I have to admit my love life is actually a good one for once. Here I was looking for love and it was always there in front of me. I guess I just had to find my way and I finally have and I’m loving every bit of it…

Sweetvanillasugar
The economy has been having a personal effect on me and that is the reason why my site was down. It is very difficult to find decent employment and I remain at my parents house still in search for work. Sometimes I think about becoming a police officer just to have a decent job. It’s not something I want to do with a passion, but if push comes to shove and that is the only option left I must. I’ve been in Ohio since July 27th and I have yet to find consistent employment. I wonder what January has in store for me? Will I finally find a job so I can become independent or will it continue to be the same issue…

I hope you like the new layout. I know I do. It isn’t exactly my theme because as you already know I don’t have my own computer right now so this is a premade theme edited by me of course. I just finished making the changes today although I can’t get the Twitter bar to look just right..oh well… It still serves it’s purpose.

I am so deeply in love with the love of my life! I can’t wait until January so I can see him again. I wish I would’ve never wasted so much of my life on the other jerks in my life that caused me so much pain and misery…

It’s funny how when the thing you want so bad is there for the taking and as soon as you realize it things begin to pop up to prevent you from total happiness…

I will not allow anything to come between me and total happiness again. It’s about time for a change in my life and the way things have been going and I’m going to do everything I can to take charge of my life!

Even though I broke up with my BF I can’t stop thinking about him. I really like him it’s just his situation that really sucks and I feel if his situation wasn’t what it is we’d be perfect together. We have so much in common and he’s not a complete asshole like the others. The only reason I broke up with him was because I had to take my feelings into consideration. I’m not going to put no one else over my feelings or me ever again. I have to think about me first and if I don’t like the way someone makes me feel then I have to do something about it. I felt so neglected and that’s a negative feeling. I want to feel loved, adored, wanted, needed, beautiful etc.

I really miss him and I’ve been thinking about hooking back up with him, but I don’t know yet. Maybe I will…maybe I won’t. I need to talk to him about the whole situation first before I make a final decision.

This guy keeps following me around everytime I go to the library. I am not attracted to him at all (he is so freaking ugly). I wish he’d take the hint and leave me the hell alone! He’s actually sitting at the computer next to me! (Ugh!) I’m not ready to date anyone else right now. If I was to get with someone at this very moment it would be back with my ex. I don’t have any interest in pursuing anyone else right now at all.