So today was my court date for my divorce and everything was going just fine when I first got down there. My mother and I was there and I was just on my way to go fill out the paperwork to have my divorce granted without Brian. The Baliff asked me if I wanted to wait until the baby was born to get child support and I told her no. All I wanted was to be free of Brian Crayton. To me, child support could wait as long as I was rid of him. All of a sudden Brian shows up with his mother and when the Baliff went to talk to him, she came back with a shocking revelation. Brian actually had the nerve to dispute paternity of this child! I honestly wish I would’ve cheated on him and got pregnant by someone else, but sadly that is not the case. If I could go back in time I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, nor would I have ever married that mentally ill asshole in the first place!

All this is doing is prolonging everything and all I wanted was to be free of him from my life. Now I have to wait until my child is born, get paternity testing and then I have to go back to court on October 6th. This sucks! I shouldn’t have to be married to him for 2 more months. I really want this to be over. I hate him and I am not only embaressed by being married to him, but I regret the decision of marrying him more than any bad choice I’ve ever made in my entire life. The baliff told him he’d have to pay for the test and he claimed he would. We’ll see if he’ll actually pay for it. It’s such a waste of time and money if you ask me, but if he wants to be a dumb ass then he can go ahead to do it. I don’t know who he is listening to, but he is only going to make it worse for himself, because I have nothing to hide. It’s so funny because I already know the results of the test, and I’m sure he does too, unless he is really severly mentally ill. Whatever the case maybe I will still have my divorce and since Brian wants to be a dumb ass he will be paying a whole lot of child support because I will make sure the judge knows every detail of his financial situation.

Word to the Wise: DO NOT get married without doing a thorough background check and live with the person for a year or 2 before making your final decision. It is not worth the stress to marry someone that you will eventually find that they are not what they seem and are the worst decision you’ve ever made.

Today my dad and I went downtown to file a civil protection order/restraining order against Brian, because my next door neighbor told me about a time when she seen him at my house. First she hears a lot of racket and then she sees a white car backing out. The last time I saw Brian he broke into the house and a white car was in the driveway because I had the locks changed. He’s been gone for 30 days so I have every right to change the locks now. Anyways, I found out he was in the house and I went inside and a girl was sitting at my table and he’s sitting across from her. He messed up the landlords window and everything just to retrieve a pair of raggedy shoes, a bottle of cleaning solution, and 2 pieces of mail….Real stupid right?

I then asked him for his address and he refused to give it to me claiming to send the divorce papers to the house where he lives (referring to MY home). He has not been here for a whole month and he doesn’t pay any bills here so how can he claim he lives here? I did, however discover his actual address a few days later when I filed for a divorce. So the joke is on him.

Well today while downtown I found out that they sent a certified letter to his residence on the 21st of May. They still haven’t received anything back from him or the post office. I just don’t understand why he is so difficult. He has made it so clear that he does not want to be married or even cares about the child I am carrying so why not cooperate? He always has to make everything difficult. I do not want to married to that man any longer. I want to be free of him. I hate the fact that I ever married him in the first place! If he doesn’t accept the certified letter, I will then have to wait for it to come back, go back downtown and ask the courts to serve him by regular mail. I will then be able to proceed with the divorce. With or without him there. All in all, no matter how difficult he tries to be I will not be forced to stay married to him and I will get my divorce granted well before the end of this year!

Other than that, I start working my new job on Monday…YAY! I will also be getting workers compensation money again which will really help me out with my bills and everything in addition to my job’s income. You see how God works? He works everything out, because He already knew this was going to happen and He put things in place to help me and my sons. We have a sympathetic landlord, I was blessed with a job, and I am also being blessed with my workers comp money which will help us. I’m also considering going back to school once my baby is born as well. No matter what happens, we will be ok. My sons father also wants to get back with me, but I don’t really know about that. I found him more tolerable, but I can’t take him back if he is still the same way he was before. I know he really loves me, but he does have his issues. I’ll just have to pray on it. I am not really ready to jump into another relationship so quick, but we can be friends right now and if something happens in the future, then so be it. I know one thing, I will not make the same mistakes as before. I also have another friend whom seems to find interest in me and I don’t want to hurt him because I am not ready to be in another relationship at all. It’s only been a month since Brian has been gone even though the marriage was really over well before then. Although I have no desire to EVER take Brian back I am just not ready for a new relationship. I’m about to have a baby in the next 2 1/2 months, I’m about to get a divorce, and I just need to focus on my new baby and my sons and healing from this terrible marriage. It is nice to have all this attention right now, it kind of makes up for the lack of attention I haven’t been getting in the last 6 months, but still… I can’t.

My sons father did offer to be there for me during my labor and delivery which is very nice of him, and to be honest, I would like him there for the support, but I’m not going to put all my hope into that as of now. I know my Mom WILL be there and I know that I DO NOT want Brian there at all. I don’t need to be stressed from him while in labor or recovery. His mere presence or the mention of his name does nothing, but makes my blood pressure go up.

All I can say is I am one step closer to being totally free from Brian Crayton. I can’t wait until the court grants the divorce so I can move forward without any marital connection to him what so ever. I have to say, going down there and filing the paperwork gave me a feeling of relief. One step closer…

So let me tell you about what happened before I went down there to file:

I had to get an Affidavit of Indigency (Poverty affidavit) notarized, so I went to my bank since it’s free if you have an account. On the affidavit you have to put down your assets so I asked the notary/banker to tell me my account balance. She looked at the joint account which I closed yesterday. Brian has been screwing up my account ever since I added him to it so I did this asap. Anyways, I noticed that he must have opened a new account because there was $6 in the account that he transferred to his account leaving a 0 balance. I really didn’t care about that, but I just wanted to be off the account and since they wouldn’t take me off without him signing for it I was advised to close it. To get to the point of all this, when I asked the banker/notary for the account balance today, she tells me my joint account is negative(I was really asking for the balance of my separate account btw)! How the hell is that? Wanna know why? Because his triphlant butt, after cleaning out the bank account and knowing I was going to close it, swipes the card at his job for $1.62 making the account negative in the total of $-39.12. Now we are both responsible for this balance, and that was the reason why I closed the account in the first place. I don’t want to be in the CHEX system or have my credit messed up thanks to him, he’s already done enough damage as it is. I texted him and of course he didn’t respond, he doesn’t care anyways, I’m sure he did this on purpose. Anyways, I talked to a banker whom was sympathetic to my situation and took the overdraft fee off. She then canceled his card so he couldn’t use it anymore and told me that one of us has to come in and deposit $1.62. Of course his triphlant non-caring behind isn’t going to do it, so I will. I will pay whatever I need to pay to be free of him.

I am so glad I filed for divorce. I will finally be able to move on with my life…

I’ve come to my final conclusion of what I have decided to do with my life. Based on the conversation with my husband as well as the way things have been going at home, I have decided to end my marriage. Why? For 3 very good reasons.

1. I am at peace and without stress when he is gone. I have found that life at home with the just the boys and I is very peaceful. I am not irritated or grossed out or even stressed to say the least. I don’t have to deal with the nasty habits of my husband or by his mere presence when he is doing things that annoy me.

2. My husband justified just about everything he has done wrong. I am tired of this same game of back and forth. Every time I brought up an issue he had a justification for it. He even acted like I was wrong for questioning him about the woman calling the phone that I knew nothing about. This was his reason for walking out. If you have a phone that your wife knows nothing about and then a woman calls it, your wife has the right to ask you about it, but he can’t see my point. Instead he keeps going on about me accusing him, etc. There are so many things have observed during this marriage, that I have found that I cannot tolerate nor live with. Maybe if we had waited for about a year before getting married we would’ve known. Maybe there are things he can’t stand about me either, I don’t know. I’ve asked him several times and he never has an answer. It doesn’t really matter now though, and I am not prepared to try to work this out neither do I desire to. I already know that if I brought up the issues he would become defensive and argumentative and nothing will be solved. This is why it took me a week to ask about the woman calling his phone. I have come to the conclusion that we are just incompatible and it would be best to go our separate ways.

3. I really want to be with someone whom fears and respects God. I need someone with similar values and morals. Someone whom prays and reads the Bible just as much as I do. Who will show me respect and will not exploit my sons to hostile behavior and language. I had my children before this marriage and I am trying to instill certain values and morals within them, but it becomes very difficult when the male whom they look up to as an example is doing the complete opposite. Even though my baby father Jeremy, was a horrible boyfriend I never had these many issues with him when I lived with him. He had some disgusting habits, but it wasn’t this horrible. With that said it’s just best for us to end the marriage for the sake of both of our happiness.

I don’t know if he thinks the conversation we had the other day just repaired everything, but to leave me for asking about a girl calling a cell phone I had no knowledge of is not a good enough reason to walk out on a marriage. That did not sit to well with me and if something that small can make him leave, then I do not want to continue to do this with him. He leaves for the stupidest reasons and justifies it by bringing up the 2 times I left because he cursed me out and another time when after having my income tax seized because of him owing back taxes, having the phone cut off because of him, etc. I then had to listen to his Dad dog me out while he just sat there and played stupid. He didn’t even defend me so I couldn’t take anymore and left and he didn’t even apologize. Instead he justified it, made excuses and to add insult to injury had the nerve to pack his things and leave as well.

It’s just too much. Maybe we can come to a civil agreement regarding the bills and this baby and move on. This is what I hope for anyway.

As you can see I changed my theme. Couldn’t stand the old one…

Disclaimer: So I haven’t talked about my marriage at all for a while, but today I am going to let it all out. Everything, so please bear with me, this is going to be a very intense and rather long post. If you don’t have tough skin, I’d advise you not to read it. Also, if you have a rude comment and you don’t like what you are reading, I’d advise you not to leave a comment at all. It will not appear on this site and you will be blocked. Thank you.

To start off my so-called triphlant, husband walked out on me 2 days ago. As many of you may know, I am 6 months pregnant and I am not working. We stay in a 3 bedroom home paying gas and electric, along with $750 for rent. This nigga claimed he was leaving because I so-calledly keep accusing him of cheating. Mind you I never accused him, but I have asked him about certain things, with good cause.

Let’s start off with his weird a suspicious behavior:

He won’t let me wash his clothes. You heard right. He keeps his clothes in the room leaving a disgusting scent from them piling up in there because he won’t put them in the hamper to let me wash them. I asked him about it and he claimed it was because the hamper was full. IF that was so then it wouldn’t be a large pile of whites on the floor in his room.

He had a cell phone I didn’t know about. There is no excuse he or anyone else can give me to why you didn’t tell your wife whom is pregnant that you have a cell phone. His excuse was that he didn’t think it was important. AND to add insult to injury, he lies and claims his boss at work (whom is a man) bought it for him and put minutes on it. The phone had over 1000 minutes on it might I add. Now I know that is BS, unless your boss is gay and you two got something going on.

He is never at home. On his off days he leaves and stays gone until it gets dark. If he has to work later in the day, he leaves and goes somewhere. Every off day this nigga was up ironing clothes then leaves. On top of that he’ll tell me he’s going one place, but always ends up somewhere else.

Now let’s start with some more issues regarding him:

Nasty Habits. He likes to leave pubic hair all over the bathroom. When I go to shower there’s pubic hair’s all over the shower. On the windowsill and everything…YUCK! He doesn’t wash his hands after using the toilet. Instead he turns the sink on for 2 seconds (literally) and turns it off, to prove that he is so-calledly washing his hands. Doesn’t brush his teeth regularly. His breath always stinks and when he does brush he’s spitting out a mouth full of blood and his toothbrush bristles are always brown. Probably from having Gingivitis or something.

He owes over $7,900 in taxes. He claimed he didn’t know about this, but I believe he did, especially when you owe this much. My tax returns were seized when I stupidly filed joint with him and I had to go through hell and high water to get my money back.

He’s in the CHEX system. I didn’t know this either. I asked him because he had a CHASE access account. I put him on my account to help him out and he’s been over-drafting it ever since. My account is now over $170 overdrawn thanks to him. I asked the branch manager whom used to work for CHASE about the account he had with CHASE and he told me they only give those accounts to people that are in the CHEX system. SMH… What a liar. He told me he never had any bad banking history, he is such a liar! I think he has terrible renting history as well. I’ve never been evicted, but when we tried to get an apartment we either had to pay extra money or couldn’t get approved at all. This has never happened to me when I was on my own.

He has a mental illness I didn’t know about. My mom kept asking me to find out why he is receiving disability checks from Social Security. Come to find out, he’s receiving them because he was diagnosed with a Personality Disorder. This is why the navy discharged him. I went online and read the profiles and he fits perfectly in the Borderline Personality and Schizoid Personality Disorder. So fucking selfish! It would’ve been real nice for him to tell me this before we got married so I could have had a choice to get married and pregnant by a mentally retardant person.

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Man, I don’t want to say I regret getting married, but enough is enough!

It is always something with my husband, always some issue and it peeves me off! Especially when I don’t see him taking the proper action needed to fix the situation:

Example #1: We had our first apartment together in July which only included water and sewer. My husband got the electric and heat turned on in his name and come to find out there’s a $400+ bill in his name that he knows nothing about. Mind you this is the first apartment my husband has ever had in Ohio ever. When he finds out the address of this alleged bill, it’s an address where his mother resided while he was living with his grandmother until he went to the navy. His mother fraudulently used his name and social security number to get the heat turned on, then to add insult to injury she leaves an outstanding balance. SMH. I told him he needed to sue her for the balance, of course he did nothing, but question her about it and her response was a nonchalant answer followed by trying to put him on the guilt trip of how much she claims she sacrificed for him.

Example #2: Our phone gets cut off after having phone service for about 6 months now with AT&T. Prior to our service being shut off we received a phone call notifying him of fraud. Instead of listening to the message he hangs up. I told him he should have listened to the message, but he didn’t really care what the message was about. This was a few weeks ago. So now our phone is off even after paying the bill in advance and when he calls he is told that someone called in and tried to open an account in his name and he has to send in proof of his identity before service will be restored. Mind you, we found out his mothers phone was off a few weeks ago as well. So hmmm… I wonder who the culprit could be? I told him again that he needed to sue her and also report her to the FCC and make a police report. Enough is enough. Soon he won’t be able to do anything thanks to her. It is unfair that we have to be phoneless, because of her selfish ways. What if something happened and we needed to call someone for help?

Example #3 My husband is on the phone with his dad and we just got done discussing how our income tax was seized because of him failing to file W2′s a few years ago. I am the only one with children and I stupidly filed jointly with him causing all my childrens money to be taken. Our income tax was $8501 and now it’s reduce to about $900. WTF? I was planning on furnishing the house with the money, so off course I am angry. I had to send in an injured spouse form which will take 8 weeks to process – with just a chance that I’d get my children’s money back. So I’m discussing this with him and he gets off the phone to finish the discussion, he then calls his dad back just to have him talk about me like a dog. My husband didn’t even defend me at all. I heard his dad asking him if I was ever planning on getting a job. My husband plays stupid answering in a reluctant tone “I really don’t even know dad.” – Wait? Is this the same person that begged me to quit my job last year and told me to stay at home with the kids, while he works, or is this person a fucking clone? Did I miss something? Then I hear his dad talking about love only goes so far, and we will eventually end up divorcing because of money issues, and asking him do he really want to be with someone that is going to hold him back? Once I heard that I got up with the reply “WOW” and went into my room slamming the door. Not one time did he defend me at all. Not once! Instead he played stupid, like he’s the victim and I’m just this freeloader that is letting him take care of me while he’s just working himself to death. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! This is the same person that I defended when my mother was saying all kinds of negative things about which led to getting into a physical altercation to the point where I had to leave and had no where to go, just because I loved him enough to defend his honor and what’s the thanks I get? To be dogged out and disrespected by his folks while he just sits there and takes it.

Then he plays stupid like he doesn’t know why I am angry and when I tell him, here comes all the sorry ass excuses! There is no excuse for that at all! He should have defended me. So yes, not only do I feel like crap, but I am starting to have regrets for this entire situation. Not only is there always some unknown issue biting us in the ass related to him, but even after I put up with all that bullshit, he can’t even defend me and I’m suppose to be his wife. The one that you forsake all others for.

I hope everyone’s New Year’s Eve will be better than mine tonight. Brian and I planned on going to a New Year Gala on the Nautica to do something special to bring the New Year in and we invited my sister and her “male friend” to go with us. She said ok, but then stated she wanted to spend it with her son so we could use her car because she was going to stay home with him. Then all of a sudden, at the last minute she claimed she was going to pick up some hours from another store at work, so our transportation to and from the event is gone and thank God we didn’t purchase the tickets in advance because they are nonrefundable. I really do wish people would tell the truth. I would respect her more if she’d just say she is going to spend time with some random guy or something instead of lying. Anyways, do you have any New Years Resolutions? Honestly, I don’t. I’m never really good at keeping them, but I do have a few things that I’d like to change about myself:

I want to start praying more. I do not pray enough. Even if it’s just before I go to bed and at meal times, it’s not enough. I forget to pray at meal times a lot too. I want my relationship with God to be a strong or stronger than the bond I have with my own parents meaning talking to Him more and not only when I’m asking for something. I like to thank Him for all his blessings whenever I can.

I want to start reading the Bible more. I used to read the Bible heavily, but I haven’t been reading the Word as much as I used to. Even though I know quite a lot, there is still so much more yet to be learned. So much wisdom, knowledge and understanding to gain. How can I minister to anyone without the proper wisdom and understanding?

I want to let go of my old ways. When I say this, I mean habits that I have acquired from living my life. All my hardships have conditioned my mind to think a certain way. I sometimes feel alone in the world, like everything is on me and I am afraid to ask for anything because I’m always thinking it’s too much to ask for. I was with someone for almost a decade whom was extremely cheap, complained about spending money on our family, and complained about anything I asked for stating I was a “gold digger” so I learned to get everything myself. Now I am with someone whom wouldn’t mind buying that $25 conditioner I want to try, or those $1.49 butterfly clips and $3 Denman brush, but it’s hard for me to accept that because I’m so used to having to rely on myself. We can be in the store and despite how cheap something may be, I’d only ask for one thing and wait to get the other’s myself. If my children need something I stress myself to make sure they get it because that’s the way it’s always been.  I’m not used to anyone taking care of me. I’m used to paying half of all the bills and if I don’t have my half then I have to pay that person(my significant other) back when I get it. This is the way it was for me, and even though it may sound stupid to you that someone would ask the mother of their children to pay them back, it’s the reality of what happened. So my goal is to let go of this preconditioned way of thinking and enjoy my new life.

These are my goals for 2010 so far, there not resolutions, but goals I will try to meet. I may look over myself and find more things I’d like to change, but so far these are the things that I will start working on, starting today.

As a married couple I always thought you’re suppose to work out your problems without bringing anyone outside your marriage into it unless it’s a marriage counselor whom you both will agree to share your business with. With that said I’m trying to understand why my husband has took it upon himself to leave and stay at his aunts.

Yesterday I cooked dinner and he came home and we ate together. The boys were at my Mom’s so we had a chance to spend time with each other. I wanted to watch Law and Order with him, but as soon as he finished his dinner he falls asleep. Now him falling asleep didn’t bother me, but the sound he makes when he sleeps is straight annoying.

The reason I am so annoyed by his snoring is because it keeps me up every night. I have to get up multiple times (at least 5 or more times) and ask him to stop snoring, or to roll over on his stomach. I have to say it several times, sometimes even shouting it and/or eventually physically turning him over on his stomach myself. There are times when I’ve even got up in the middle of the night and slept in the bed with Destin or Elijah because of how loud he is. I’ve even started staying up all night waiting until 5am(when he gets up to go to work) so I can go to sleep. I can even remember when he would wake up after my several attempts of trying to get him to stop and he’d just go back to sleep on his back snoring just as loud. Sometimes I think he hears me and just ignores me and claims he didn’t remember me shaking him or calling his name. I’ve even tried sleeping on the other end of the bed, blasting the fan on high to block out his snoring, and even using earplugs (which leaves my ears sweaty and irritated).

So yes, I was extremely annoyed by just the sound of his snoring.

I guess he could tell I was irritated and he kept asking me what’s wrong. I told him nothing over and over again and he kept asking so then I told him it was my lack of sleep due to his loud snoring. The next thing I know he’s on the phone calling his aunt up asking if he can go over there, packing his things, slamming doors, and yelling about how he’s not doing it on purpose, and how all he does is work and come home. I’m still trying to figure out what his job has to do with him keeping me up at night with his snoring. I also don’t understand why my husband is leaving our home to go to his aunts because I complained about his snoring? (more…)

Eternally-me.com is finally back online. I had to take my site down for a few months so I can focus on planning and preparing for my wedding which was a total dream come true! Everything was beautiful and so was our fabulous honeymoon in the Bahamas! Our wedding day went by so fast for something that took so long to prepare and plan for, but it isn’t about the wedding, but the lifetime commitment we made each other on that day that really matters. I still remember our wedding night, I was so exhausted, but I was so happy I couldn’t calm down and fall asleep. I’ve never been that happy in my life! The feeling is beyond explanation. If you want to see pictures of our beautiful wedding and honeymoon please visit our wedding site at SweetVanillaSugar.COM.

The next step is the adoption of the boys. Brian plans on adopting them as his own sons which I believe is the best choice for the boys. Their father’s aren’t doing anything for them what so ever, let alone trying to see them so I believe this is best. Our boys need a stable male figure in their life and they are blessed to have someone here that will actually be honored to take the job as “Daddy”.

In other news, Brian and I just took my Mom to Otani for dinner to thank her for all her support during the planning of our wedding. We both really love her and appreciate her and everything that she does. She really enjoyed it and we felt so good by returning the favor and showing her how grateful we are for all her help.

Well, it’s great to be back and non-stressed and rejuvenated. I can now focus on my new husband, my boys, my site GrowBlackHair.NET, furnishing our new home, and getting things prepared for the adoption of the boys!

Yes, I’ve abandoned my poor blog for weeks! I recently quit my job, I’ve been swamped with wedding planning, and working on Growblackhair.net. I’ve been so busy that my personal blog was shoved way down to the bottom of the list. You can visit me on growblackhair.net, or check on my wedding blog at www.sweetvanillasugar.com to see what’s going on in my life, if you want anyways.

Well I’m off again. I have so much to do. We still have the wedding/reception hall to finish making payments on, I have bouquets to pay for, shopping to do, etc.

Wish me luck!