I’m still trying to sort things out so I’ll give you some updates regarding that. Also, I am talking to my husband right now as I am typing this. He decided to call me, we’ll see how this goes, I guess.

In other news my haircare line is coming alone, slowly but surely. I have 2 products pretty much complete, but I’m having issues with 2 other products that I am working on. I know I’ll will figure it out soon. The shampoo and conditioner should be easy, but the hair gel and pomade is my biggest issue as of now. More about that later, will keep you posted. I can’t wait to release my line, but all good things come with patience and persistence.

Eternally-me.COM – Vblog 1 from Samara Crayton on Vimeo.

So referring to my blog title…

I find that at my current job(which I am quitting on August 21st), I am unusually angry by the things that I am required to do there. To help you understand, here is a typical day on the job:

I get to work at 8:30am, and the 2 special needs adults are both still asleep or awake. Their mother usually leaves as soon as I arrive unless she doesn’t have to work, in which she’ll leave later on in my shift to go shopping or something. Anyways, I wake them up at about 10am unless their already awake. – It’s their summer break and I feel that waking them up at 8:30am is ridiculous.

The next thing I do is prepare breakfast. I either make them cereal, toast, and milk, or hotcakes and bacon with milk or juice. While they are eating I administer their meds and then I clean up the kitchen. After breakfast I get them dressed. Sometimes I bathe her daughter so I can wash and style her hair.

Following breakfast, I do activities with them, or I allow them to watch TV or listen to music until 12:30pm. Around this time I prepare lunch for them. I then clean the kitchen again, make their beds, sometimes I have to put their clothes away and clean their rooms too. I also have to assist David in learning to tie his shoes and remind Danielle to go to the bathroom every hour. I then allow them to have some free time until my shift is complete.

It may sound simple, but dealing with 2 special needs adults can be very difficult because of the amount of patience it requires to deal with them. Sometimes I want to tear my hair out when David is humming or being unruly, or when Danielle is being stubborn, or vomiting everywhere. I also have to take a q-tip and clean out Danielle’s nose when it becomes clogged with mucus and boogers -  Yuck!

When I worked at night I basically came in and prepared a snack for them, did activities, fed them dinner, bathed them, and got them ready for bed. My best friend does this shift now until school starts again for them.

After a few months of this, especially when Summer came around, I found myself becoming downright angry with my job duties. I know it’s my job and I get paid to do it, but I feel like the things I’m doing for her kids, I should be doing for my own. I feel like I should be at home feeding my own kids, dressing my own kids, and doing activities with my own kids. I shouldn’t be spending my hard earned money taking her kids to Wendy’s and such while mine are in daycare or at home with Brian. Am I wrong for feeling angry?

I  feel like this job has been taking me away from my own responsibilities as a mother. Here I am basically being a mother to another woman’s children while my daycare is caring for mine.

Even the way their mom treats them angers me. She doesn’t spend any quality time with her children at all. It’s like we (the caregivers) are raising her children. She took fertility pills to conceive them because she wanted children so bad, so God gives her 2 special needs children that requires even more attention than normal children and she puts them off on an agency. Diane doesn’t spend time with them in the morning because she goes straight to work and when she gets home she puts them to bed. On her off day’s she leaves and goes shopping or gets her hair done, while the caregiver cares for her children. Even on Saturday she has help. Sunday is the only day Diane spends with her own children and judging from my experience there she spends approximately a total of 22 hours a week with her children if that!

I really think that’s fucked up. How can I go to the great lengths of using fertility meds to have children just to have someone else take care of them? Sounds crazy doesn’t it?

On top of that she nit picks like crazy. If you don’t put a brush back where it was by accident, or if you don’t put away dishes you used to cook for her children. She even complained about my method of sweeping her kitchen floor. I wanted to cursed her out when she came at me with that one.

There was even a time when she had the nerve to say to me how she has to deal with her kids 24/7 while I can go home to my normal kids because this is just a job and it’s permanent for her. I could not believe what I was hearing! She was actually saying in so many words how she resents her own children! On top of that she was in error when she said she deals with them 24/7.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it or not, but I feel like I’ve put this job over my own children. I’m not getting compensated for it properly and I’m there all the time. I’d rather be at home doing the things that I do for her kids for my own instead. At least there is a reward in that: The opportunity to watch my children grow up and nuture them like God intended me to.

I really hate the weather here. It is so cold today. It was 24 degrees today and that really sucks when you have to catch the bus. I had on 2 shirts, 2 hoodies, my wool coat, a pair of gloves, and a scarf and I was still cold! My hands were so cold that they hurt. I really feel sorry for anyone that is homeless in Ohio because the weather is absolutely dreadful. If I was homeless I would make it my business to move to warmer much more bearable climate even if I had to walk the whole way. I always find myself looking forward to the summer when I am in Ohio because that’s the only time the weather is actually bearable and won’t cause me to get ill. Any other time of the year the temperature is up and down like crazy and everyone is contracting Influenza. Luckily I’ve managed to avoid getting really sick which I have to credit my evasion of getting ill to taking vitamin C tablets daily.

In other news I spent today with Brian just as planned. I basically slept in his arms the whole time. All those nights where I only got 4 hours of sleep has finally caught up with me and I’ve been doing nothing, but sleeping  every time we’re together because that’s my only opportunity to actually get some sleep. I am still tired even now and of course Jeremiah is still up right now. *Sigh*

I decided to give Sweetvanillasugar a rest and focus on GrowBlackHair.NET more. That’s the site that has been making me money. My goal for the next 6 months is to get enough clicks to earn at least $100+ a month instead of every 2-3 months. My site comes up on the first page when the key words “grow black hair” are Googled, but I need to add more information and write more articles. At least 4 articles a month if not more. Sometimes I run out of ideas, but when I do I review a hair product until another idea comes to mind. Right now I’m currently in the process of reviewing Carol’s Daughter Hair Milk. I’ve gotten a lot of requests about this product so I went to Sephora and purchased a bottle to test it out on both natural and relaxed hair. If you want to read the review check out my site in a few weeks.

Last but not least, I deleted and edited my categories today. I had the category “Personal” and “Private” which are literary the same thing. I mean those are actually synonyms to each other so I decided to combine those entries and rename the category to “Auricular“, but who really uses that word or knows what it means? So I ended up changing it to “Confidential” instead. I also changed “Writings” to “Literary Works”  — a little more unique I must say.

Yesterday I noticed a comment posted to my blog on the 17th and the commenter had a serious issue with the post titled My First Laptop. To my surprise when I traced the IP of the commenter I received information on the carrier and the city in which the comment was made which was a near by city. This specific city is in the area in which my sister’s boyfriend lives and where she works. Further more the carrier was Alltel. The only thing I know Alltel provides when it comes to internet is internet on the phone. The person used a cell phone to look at my site and make comments. I know my sister’s boyfriend has his phone through Alltel. On top of that I believe the person was someone from my family and I’ve narrowed it down to being my own damn sister!

I mean really…. she gets all these privileges: free car, cell phone in my moms name, etc. All I get is a couch to sleep on. I get bitched at for every little thing and the only outlet I have is my blog to keep myself sane and it’s like I can’t even enjoy this one small pleasure if you wanna call it that. My family tries to control everything I do and my sister is always trying to start shit. I don’t know why she can’t mind her own business and focus on her own life instead of adding more hell to my life. I could give so many example’s of how my own sister lies and says things without my knowledge to get shit started in our home. Then I have to deal with the drama while she sits back and watches. Lately I was getting bitched at about me writing things in my blog, but my mom and dad don’t know how to use the internet and my little brother just doesn’t do things to create drama like that. Hmm… I wonder how they know what I wrote?

You have a car that you don’t have to pay for, a free place to stay, you don’t get bitched at constantly about everything, and you have a cell phone in our mother’s name. I have nothing, but my children, my cell phone and laptop (all things that I had to get myself), and it still isn’t enough because you still pursue to create drama and make life hard for me.

I can’t wait to move out. This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. And now I can’t even be at peace in the cyber world.

I was thinking of retiring SweetVanillaSugar and buying a new domain that really fit me and this has given me a even greater reason to do so. As soon as I finish my new layout I will be switching to a new domain. I will added a post and a link to my new domain and it will be up for 30 days. After that SweetVanillaSugar will be officially retired.