I know I haven’t written anything in here in a while, but besides the obvious(not having a PC), I’ve been at work all week. Today is actually my first off day since Sunday, and I will NEVER work 5 straight days in a row(especially 3-11pm) again while I’m pregnant. I am so drained right now and I thought last night was going to be an easy one given the fact that we aren’t supposed to get anyone up on the weekend, but low and behold, the night shift supervisor had a list of extra things to do. It was already bad enough that I had the hardest chore given to me last night, which is to clean and disinfect 4 bathrooms and the laundry room. We then had to wake up 10 elderly developmentally disabled adults and have them go in the restroom for a tornado drill at 12:30am. Naturally they weren’t very happy about that at all. On top of that, she also wanted us to clean out the garage. As soon as I was able to sit down for a few minutes, once I was done with the bathrooms now my co-workers want me to get up and help clean out the garage! I know I’m not going to make it to August 27th, with this baby…

I’ve been very uncomfortable lately regarding my pregnancy. I’ve been having contractions which I guess to be Braxton Hicks contractions. They have been quite painful like a level or 2 above a menstrual cramp. I’ve also been having a load of pressure and sometimes, it hurts just from the baby moving. I can’t wait for this pregnancy to end. I’m tired of being uncomfortable and I can’t stand not having my old figure! I’m used to a flat tummy, smaller breasts, and smaller hips. This is not working for me at all and sometimes I feel so discouraged, nasty, and ugly at times no matter how much people tell me that I’m pretty. I just don’t feel it. I had to spend my entire summer like this, unable to do much of anything fun other than catch a few movies and lunch or dinner somewhere, but as far as enjoying the other festivities of the summer I missed out. Never again. I’ve decided that I am going to get either my tubes tied or the Paraguard IUD until I go into menopause. I will no longer sacrifice my body and life to carry a child for some asshole.

Have you ever been in a room with people that didn’t like you and even though they act one way you got the vibe that they didn’t like you? This is what I had to put up with at work on Saturday. I mistakenly signed up to work 11am-7pm instead of 11pm-7am and next to being tired after just working an 11pm-7am shift just to be back in a few hours I had to put up with some fat ass fake bitches. Keep in mind I am now 8 months pregnant (32 weeks &  4 days) and these assholes had the nerve to try to get me to bathe a client that is very heavy (over-weight), and in a wheelchair. How do you expect someone that is 8 months pregnant to do that? What’s funny is one of my co-workers from 1st shift warned me that they may try to stick me with clients even though the shift I was working did not require me to be assigned to ANY clients, given the fact that I got off at 7pm and we aren’t supposed to put the clients to bed until after 7:30pm. My job was only to help cook and feed the clients, do programs with them, and probably laundry or something.

When the second shift staff came on they all decided on who they were going to do and then tried to stick me with whomever they didn’t want to do. How do you all get a choice of whom you want to work with and I don’t? They gave me a client that was currently on her menstrual cycle, whom is also obese and in a wheelchair. The other client has a history of being violent and very argumentative. I can’t get him to do anything. All he does is argue and yell at me. Now why would I want to work with him? So I said to them I couldn’t do the female because I’m pregnant and she’s too heavy. I also asked if I could do an elderly woman instead of the man because even though she’s argumentative I can actually get her to listen to me and do things I tell her (knowing that I’m not required to do anyone by the way). An older lady agreed to switch with me and they(the fat bitches) kept complaining. I’m thinking to myself, what the fuck is the issue? You don’t have to do him or her and you two didn’t switch shit with me so why the fuck are you complaining? Also, during dinner I suggested adding some nutmeg to the brocculi. My mother puts it on her brocculi and it’s delicious. It was only a suggestion and they just dogged me out and made me feel stupid and low for my suggestion. I couldn’t wait to go home Saturday. When I left the room I could feel them talking about me and I hated every bit of it.

So today a girl from first shift was telling me all the things one of the fat bitches was saying about me. She was going on and on about my nutmeg suggestion, complaining because I didn’t want to do the client that was too heavy, and also lying saying I kept saying I didn’t know how to do nothing. This bitch was actually telling the supervisor and everyone else. I guess she figured it would never come back to me, but I work with 98% females so what you say about someone is going to come back STUPID! I did ask her how to do things every time I was confused on something because I’ve only been working there for about a month, but when I heard her complaining about me asking her a question the last time I worked with her I decided to never ask her for help again. This bitch usually works my usual shift of 11-7am, so I’m sure she’ll be there tonight and I won’t being saying a word to that bitch. If she’s there tonight she’s going to know that I don’t like her just from how I’m going to act towards her. I pretty sure her fat ass wouldn’t want anyone to do her like that while she’s pregnant, but I’m going to fix her. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and due to the fact that I’m at risk for preterm labor I will be getting a note stating that I can’t do any heavy lifting. Then when she goes to complaining she’ll have to swallow her own words because I’m not going to jeopardize the health of my baby for ignorant people. I was just telling first shift that morning that I didn’t have an issue with her and liked working with her when they were talking about how much they didn’t like her, but after that afternoon I now see why they don’t like her.

I’ve been so wrapped up in getting prepared for this wedding, working, and trying to improve GrowBlackHair.NET that I haven’t had anytime to update my blog.

For starters today was my last day at work. I couldn’t take anymore of the drama, and I made it out of there in one piece. Luck me! I also purchased my tiara and a pretty rhinestone and pearl necklace and earring set to go with it. I want my wedding to be as perfect as possible.  We have to make a payment on the hall today and I have to go get our passports next week too. The month of September is going to be the most hectic month because we need to save a load of money and book our Honeymoon too. Then in October we make our final deposits on the hall.

I have so much to do between now and November 20th. I still have to get my niece’s flower girl basket and my son’s ring pillow. We have to order gifts, buy the favors, invites, get our rings engraved, and figure out where rehearsal dinner is going to be held. I also need to make sure my bridesmaids buy their dresses no later than next week. My bestfriend bought her’s today, but my sister hasn’t so now I have to hassle her.

I am so stressed that I was actually considering looking into getting a wedding consultant, but looking at our budget, I don’t think we have room for it. I almost hung up on my sister just from mentioning “rehearsal dinner” , because I was too stressed to want to think about that.

Well for starters. I’ve added a neat little AJAX login to my blog so I can log in easier and so my guest can register and log in easily as well . I had a plugin installed that changed the WordPress logo to my logo on the original login page, but this plugin is even better. I hope you all find it as easy and as convenient as I have.

So referring to my blog title…

I find that at my current job(which I am quitting on August 21st), I am unusually angry by the things that I am required to do there. To help you understand, here is a typical day on the job:

I get to work at 8:30am, and the 2 special needs adults are both still asleep or awake. Their mother usually leaves as soon as I arrive unless she doesn’t have to work, in which she’ll leave later on in my shift to go shopping or something. Anyways, I wake them up at about 10am unless their already awake. – It’s their summer break and I feel that waking them up at 8:30am is ridiculous.

The next thing I do is prepare breakfast. I either make them cereal, toast, and milk, or hotcakes and bacon with milk or juice. While they are eating I administer their meds and then I clean up the kitchen. After breakfast I get them dressed. Sometimes I bathe her daughter so I can wash and style her hair.

Following breakfast, I do activities with them, or I allow them to watch TV or listen to music until 12:30pm. Around this time I prepare lunch for them. I then clean the kitchen again, make their beds, sometimes I have to put their clothes away and clean their rooms too. I also have to assist David in learning to tie his shoes and remind Danielle to go to the bathroom every hour. I then allow them to have some free time until my shift is complete.

It may sound simple, but dealing with 2 special needs adults can be very difficult because of the amount of patience it requires to deal with them. Sometimes I want to tear my hair out when David is humming or being unruly, or when Danielle is being stubborn, or vomiting everywhere. I also have to take a q-tip and clean out Danielle’s nose when it becomes clogged with mucus and boogers -  Yuck!

When I worked at night I basically came in and prepared a snack for them, did activities, fed them dinner, bathed them, and got them ready for bed. My best friend does this shift now until school starts again for them.

After a few months of this, especially when Summer came around, I found myself becoming downright angry with my job duties. I know it’s my job and I get paid to do it, but I feel like the things I’m doing for her kids, I should be doing for my own. I feel like I should be at home feeding my own kids, dressing my own kids, and doing activities with my own kids. I shouldn’t be spending my hard earned money taking her kids to Wendy’s and such while mine are in daycare or at home with Brian. Am I wrong for feeling angry?

I  feel like this job has been taking me away from my own responsibilities as a mother. Here I am basically being a mother to another woman’s children while my daycare is caring for mine.

Even the way their mom treats them angers me. She doesn’t spend any quality time with her children at all. It’s like we (the caregivers) are raising her children. She took fertility pills to conceive them because she wanted children so bad, so God gives her 2 special needs children that requires even more attention than normal children and she puts them off on an agency. Diane doesn’t spend time with them in the morning because she goes straight to work and when she gets home she puts them to bed. On her off day’s she leaves and goes shopping or gets her hair done, while the caregiver cares for her children. Even on Saturday she has help. Sunday is the only day Diane spends with her own children and judging from my experience there she spends approximately a total of 22 hours a week with her children if that!

I really think that’s fucked up. How can I go to the great lengths of using fertility meds to have children just to have someone else take care of them? Sounds crazy doesn’t it?

(more…)

I can not stand people whom love drama and thrive off of it’s existence. I for one am a person whom favors peace, balance, and tranquility in my life. I may not get it all the time, but when I do, I never take it for granted. I found that in my inner realm, my new home that is, this is my place of peace and harmony outside the world.

I do not like waking up to drama, when I say this I mean drama being the first thing that decides to acknowledge my presence when I enter the outer realms (outside my home). This morning I woke up at 7:15am. I asked Brian what time he had to go to work and he told me 3pm. So I decided not to take Jeremiah to childcare because I got off at 2:30pm. I then went back to sleep for about 45 minutes. I really didn’t want to go to work today. I didn’t want to go yesterday either. I was even tempted to call off, but as a responsible mother and woman I went to work anyway.

As I approached the yard of the house I work at I noticed Diane (the mother of the 2 special needs young adults I care for) standing outside talking to the roofers that were working on her house. She looked evil as usual and as I approached her she told me that it was going to be some “shit” today. I asked her why and she told me about her crack addicted, cheating husband claiming he came home when he didn’t because I was there and I can bare witness to his absence. He claimed I was in the bathroom and didn’t see him. Of course this is bullshit because he doesn’t have keys to the house and I always keep the doors locked when I’m working in her home. This wasn’t the end of the lies, later during my shift she then proceeded to tell me how he said I stole $1000 that he claimed he left her from under her mattress. What a fuckin’ cock sucking liar!

#1 If I did steal that money why the fuck would I come to work the following day? They wouldn’t see me anymore if that was the case.

#2 Why would I risk my lousy job, and my own well-being over $1000. I am a mother of 3 children and I’m about to get married. I have too much going for myself to do something that stupid!

That was the last fucking straw… Job lined up or not I’m quitting!

Diane also told me not to answer the phone if he call and to call her if he came there and tried to pop fly with me. I can’t believe he’d actually jump at me over something he knows I didn’t do! If he does decide to act a fool I will not stand for it and all the professionalism will go right out the window. I will become the nastiest bitch alive. I’m not about to deal with their drama. I have enough stress as it is and I’m not about to work under those conditions. Diane is already hard to work for as it is because she is such a fuckin’ knit picker, and then it’s her sneaky, perverted, hard-headed Autistic son and her spoiled Autistic/Down Syndrome daughter whom has digestive problems causing her to shit and vomit every where. I don’t get paid enough as it is to deal with just that, and now this?! I can’t stay there anymore.

I told my supervisor whom tried to talk me into staying, but I can’t. I am so unhappy with that job right now and the added drama is making it even harder to deal with.

I don’t even know what to write about today. My back is aching so much right now. This pain just came over me all of a sudden and it feels like someone just took something and bashed me in the back. The pain intensifies when I bend and stretch. Just the slightest turn of my torso makes it hurt even more. As soon as I finish cooking dinner and bathing the boys I’m going to put the boys to bed and take a hydrocodene and take my ass to bed too.

Today was same ole, same ole, except the fact that I was able to borrow my sisters car while I was at work and went to sign up for the Civil Service Exam for a Cleveland Police Officer. This will be the second time I will be taking an exam this year. Hopefully this time around it will be worth my time because despite my efforts and high score on the last exam, no one ever called me for a job. Honestly I’m not even putting all my faith into it this go around. I’m at the point where I just don’t really give a fuck, but I’m really tired of working for scraps. I’m tired of not having enough, living paycheck to paycheck; Applying for loans because I don’t have enough just to be declined; Longing for things, but I can never get them; Wearing the same raggedy shoes I purchased last year; Washing the same 5 pairs of jeans over and over; Looking for a way out; Catching the bus; walking long distances; dreaming, wishing, hoping…. I’m just plain fucking tired of my situation and no matter how I strive to change it, it always seems like I end up right where I started with completely nothing, but fucking disappointments!!

Wow, I didn’t know this entry was going to become another one of my rants, but sometimes you just get tired of the same fuckin’ shit day, after day, after day!

I have so much to write about, but now that it is almost 4am in the morning, I’d rather wait until tomorrow.

I decided to create a new theme for my blog yesterday in my favorite colors: Pink & Green. I call this theme “Simple Eternal Pleasure”, because I’m going for that simple clean look. Not quite there yet, but I’m well on my way.

I would like to rant about my stupid job before going to bed though…

As you may already know if your a regular reader of my blog, I busted my ass looking for a job. I came back to Ohio in July 2008, and didn’t find a job until April 2009. My job only paid me $8/hour and I was supposed to be part-time. I never really applied for this job. I actually applied for a full-time third shift position, but the woman that interviewed me hired me for her company instead working for chump change. My last check was only $325!

To remind you of some of the bullshit I’ve been going through with this job, when I first got hired 2 girls were leaving. They hired another girl, whom never showed up and I ended up working 6 days a week, but never achieved 40 hours a week! I hated going to work everyday like that and not even being paid for it! My highest check amount was a little over $400. I kept asking them to hire someone else because the constant work and low pay was burning me out. I ended up referring my frined Tenisha, when they failed to hire someone, just to find out they hired her on with no experience at a quarter more than me. I then later found out that another new girl got hired in at .75 more than me. I was furious and threatened to quit. The supervisor got mad at Tenisha for telling me how much she made, but I just understand how they can make me work 6 days a week, and when they hired more people they still have me working more than anyone, but I get paid less! The owner called and offered me a .50 pay raise to stay. I accepted it for now, just to find out that she only gave me a quarter raise. How fucking dishonest is that? Not to mention they then changed my hours without notice to accommodate this new girl. I have to pick my children up from day-camp at 3:30pm, but my idiot supervisor puts me on the schedule to work until 4pm after I told her this! When I talked to her about it, she refused to fix it and told me I’d just have to work it out with my sitter, because I have no set schedule and that my schedule is based on the needs of the house! She even had the nerve to say I need to give back. I basically saved their asses when 2 people didn’t show for work and I had to work 6-day shifts for a month because both the supervisor and owner went on vacation at the same time!

I’ve been working from 8:30am-2:30pm since the beginning of the summer, my daycare vouchers are based on these hours and now they just change up on me like that? Sounds to me like your not accomodating the needs of the house, but of new people!  That was the last straw. I’ve already decided on the day I’m going to give them 2 weeks notice!

Well I had to do my ranting for the day. Now I’m about to go shower and get a few hours of sleep.

Yes, you read right. I’m finally getting married to the man of my dreams, Brian (Laureate Earl Chancey) Crayton. We will be getting married this year on November 20th. We were planning on waiting until next year, but Brian just didn’t want to wait any longer and he can’t stand the thought of going into the new year without being married. So here we are 4 months and 20 days away from the big “I do”. So much work to do, planning, and money to be saved. BTW: We’ve launched our own wedding website at SweetVanillaSugar.COM.

We aren’t having a big wedding, but it still costs. I don’t want to be married in a church, and neither does he so we are going to rent a hall. If we would’ve waited until next year we would’ve gotten married outside, but it doesn’t matter. I love him so much and I’m glad that my dreams are finally coming true for once.

We’re also looking to move. Hopefully next month. I don’t think I can bare another month living in this ragged attack. We have mice, we live with a ghetto prostitute, and 2 old farts that have no respect for anyone in this house! I brought my cat Saphire here and the other night I could’ve sworn I saw a mouse on the bed. I was having a hard time settling down and then something told me to look over. When I did I saw a dark shape that was the equivalent size of a small rodent coming towards me. I quickly grabbed Jeremiah off the bed and jumped on the couch. Waking Brian up and turning the light on the rodent seemed to have vanished. I haven’t slept good since. I really think this place is making me lose my mind.

In other news I completed my first session of classes with an A. I’m really proud of myself and I hope I can keep at it on the same path good grades.

I’m also considering quitting my job soon. Brian wants me to, and I do and I don’t at the same time, but after finding out that despite how much a work and my previous experience, that I’m getting paid less than everyone else, I just might do that. I mean I have experience working with the MRDD population. Willing Hands work me like a Hebrew slave (6 days a week at times). When the owner and supervisor went on vacation a girl called off, and then the new girl they hired never came. I covered all the shifts to the point of even being the only worker in the house for a whole month. What’s the thanks that I get? To be paid $8/hour, while my best friend with no experience gets hired at $8.25 and another girl is hired at $8.75. WTF?!

I know I haven’t updated in a while. I’ve just been so busy and it’s been so cold outside that I had no desire to walk to the library. Today is a little more bearable so I decided to update my blog.

I haven’t been able to sleep for 3 days. I don’t know whats wrong with me. I go to bed and I can’t seem to settle down. I actually feel like I’m half asleep the entire night and when I do fall asleep I have such a disturbing dream that it actually feels like I didn’t get any sleep at all… Sigh

I no longer work at the Sandbar. I’m working at a bar that is closer to home. It is actually right down the hill from where I stay so it is very convenient. Turns out the owner of the Sandbar is a complete dick. He claimed my sales were low(along with the other barmaids) so he started bringing another girl in on my shift, but you must remember this is Ohio(cold weather), we are in a recession, and I worked on non-busy days – Tuesday and Thursday. She of course called in all her friends on the shift to make her sales. – Mind you this bar is in Wickcliffe which is a ways from where I actually stay and my friends are not going to drive all the way over there to have a drink.

I already knew what the deal was and the customers were really cheap when it came to tipping me too. I’d get tips like .50 or $1. WTF?! At this new bar the cheapest tip I’ve ever gotten was $2 and I’ve gotten $5 just for a $3 beer. I also get paid per shift instead of just $2 an hour which equals out as more. On top of that I’m much more comfortable because I’m not the only “black” person in the entire bar. Don’t get me wrong I love people of all races; that’s what makes the world beautiful, but I have to admit being the only black woman working in a “hill billy” bar was really weird.

I ‘m also trying to get a job with the city… More about that in another post.

The only other new thing is I plan on taking a trip to Cancun Mexico this Spring or Summer and I’ve been talking to the love of my life for the past 2 months!

Well I have to go get Elijah. I will be back in to edit this after I pick him up from school…

Today I have to work again. I may go get a phone tomorrow afternoon from Revol because I’m tired of everyone being in my business about who I am talking to on the phone and trying to control how long I am on the phone like I’m a 15 year old child! I also want to put an ad on craigslist to advertise myself as a bartender and it would be better if people could get a hold of me directly.

Yesterday Jean’eene and I purchased a cabin club at this resort. They provide indoor and outdoor swimming pools, canoeing and kayaking, fishing, horse back riding, a game room with all kinds of arcade games, jacuzzi’s, a waterpark, paintball and more! They also provide major discounts on travel which is a plus so hopefully if I meet someone special and start building a relationship with them then we can go to the cabin for New Years. If not we can always invite our friends and have a big new years party at the cabin!

I can’t wait until I get enough experience at the bar I’m working at now so I can apply and get hired at a more upscale establishment where I will be working full time and making more money. I really need to make at least $500 a week so I can move out. They moved me from Thursday night to Saturday night because they claimed the girl that works Saturday night keeps screwing up. Hopefully Saturday nights will give me the opportunity to make more elaborate drinks instead of just serving beers.