samaraI believe I screwed everything up for my life. It hurts when I look at Destin’s baby book and I think back to his birth and all the things I’ve lost. I don’t believe I will ever get those things back. I feel like I need to let go. It’s no use to keep on trying. This time there is nothing I can do to restore this relationship. I’m not given another chance like when I gave chances. It’s like I’m waiting to see what happens, which is so stupid because I already know what’s going to happen in the end. We need to go our separate ways and just be friends. It hurts to let go, but I must if I want us to both be happy. He says he will be miserable, but I believe he will only be miserable for a while without me, but for eternality if he stays with me. Same with me. So now what?
What do I do now?
I know it’s over.
There’s no fixing this situation at all. I’m done looking for love. Love hurts too much and the only man that I know loves me and will never hurt me is God. It’s funny…
I actually found true love…
Once…
I was treated like a princess. He did what he could to make me happy. Walked miles just to see my face for a little while. I remember I went to Tower city with him and I saw these cute little ornaments on a Christmas tree (it was around Xmas time). On Christmas I completely forgot about it and he actually remembered. He took the time out and really listened to me and bought the exact thing I pointed out: a pink glass ballerina ornament and white doves. – - How sweet. I don’t think he would have ever hurt me. I probably would have never known what it was like to have my heart broken. I remember when he cried to me how much he loved me as I held him in my arms. He always said I was his angel. I had true love and I gave it away…
Why was I so stupid?
Well, it’s too late for regrets now. I have to live with my mistakes and move on.
Hopefully Jeremy will find true love and really see what it feels like. I just pray when he finds that special woman he will treat her like Brian treated me…like a princess…like his queen. And maybe if God has mercy on me He’ll bless me with true love again too.
Im no longer lost and I will never leave you. I love you so much, Sam, and a world without you is a world I would never wanna live in. God Bless you, for everything you are and for everything you mean to me.