When a person goes through a traumatic experience it can have a serious effect on the choices they make until they allow themselves to heal and forgive them self as well as the other person.

I was in an abusive relationship that lasted for about 6 years. I was mentally, physically, verbally, and emotionally abused in this relationship. I was cheated on, hospitalized, and disrespected to the fullest extent possible. I found that I was called a “Bitch” more than the name my mom gave me at birth. As I tried to make this relationship work for the benfit of my children my ex would do everything in his power to humiliate me and to destroy my character. He would use things that I shared with him about people I cared about against me in negative ways in the attempt to alienate me from everyone that cared about me. After 6 years of drama, pain, and misery I finally ended the abusive relationship, but even then he would still abuse me. Calling and harassing me, writing negative letters to our children about me until he called me a “bitch” again because I questioned him about his favoritism between our sons. This was the last time he was going to disrespect me in my book. I ended all contact with him because he didn’t offer my sons anything beneficial at all and I wasn’t going to continue to allow him to abuse me in anyway. Enough is enough…

Freed but Imprisoned

I met a new man shortly after deciding to end the relationship with my ex. I used this man to get over my ex and as an excuse to make the relationship over for good. Saying it was over wasn’t enough…I needed more leverage. When I was finally rid of my ex this man wound up in a predicament and with my big heart (at the time), I thought it was the right thing to help him out. My children were with my parents for the summer so I had no concern with them being around a total stranger when he needed a place to stay. The agreement was to allow him to live in my apartment while he looked for work so he could get himself together. In the end this did not happen at all. He used me to no end, abused me, and did nothing to change his situation for the better. The abuse this time lasted for 2 months, but seemed like years. I felt like I was in prison and I was fighting my way out.

I should have picked up on the signs that he was abusive when he snapped at me for “taking to long” to come and get him, but I was naive. The first time he abused me was when I was tired of using all the money I had from the county to care for him. I got up faithfully 5 days a week and looked for a job while he laid in bed and did nothing he claimed he was going to do, but he would get up faithfully 7 days a week and take my car to the strip club staying out all hours of the night and returning home drunk. If I got upset over it I just had to get over it. Mind you if I ever did something like this suffer no delusion he would’ve become physically abusive with me. When I finally had enough and questioned him why he wasn’t looking for work and began to point out all the effort I was making and help I provided to him he lashed out in a rage and we fought. He ripped my shirt and bra from me, choked me several times and held me against my will when I tried to leave my apartment. He took my cell phone away when I tried to call for help and locked me in my room. I balled my eyes out because I was all alone and I had no one I could call to for help. Anytime I tried to yell out the window or open the door he would threaten to bash my head open with a 25lb weight he held in his hand.  After countless attempts of trying to escape his attacks I reached for his testicles and squeezed them as tight as I could not letting  go. When he was finally able to pry my hands off them I received several blows from his fist as he threatened to kill me. Several more brutal attacks followed after this one.

It even came to a point where I had no money to pay my rent and I got up daily to get assistance from a charity. This charity only took so many people in a day and if you wasn’t there earlier enough you’d be turned away and would have to try again the next day. I made 4 attempts to get assistance, and if I was turned away this lazy ungrateful bastard would lash out at me, but he never got up and went with me to get the help and he was living in my apartment rent free. I was the one getting up at 3am and sitting outside for hours trying to get my rent paid. At this point I was not doing this for him, but for me because I wanted to be with my boys.

The second time I endured physically abuse from him was when he mugged me while I was driving because I refused to spend my sons child support money on some $150 shoes he wanted from a flea market we went to. He expected me to spend all my son’s money on him to buy him food, and get his hair done, etc. When I refused he lashed out with physical abuse. When he mugged me I pulled the car over into a near by parking lot, pulled the key out of the ignition and ran inside a fast food restaurant and called the police. I wasn’t going to let him take my cell phone from me this time and being in public gave me an advantage to have witnesses if he tried to harm me. He was arrested, but he talked me into getting him out of jail promising he would never do it again. In the back of my head I felt like he was going to do it again, but he made me feel sorry for him and even guilty for having him locked up so I gave in and helped him again just to be abused 2 more times.

During this time I befriended a girl from New York downstairs from me and we started to go out. I began to share with her what I was going through with him and she began to encourage me to leave him. I told her how he would take my cell phone from me every time he assaulted me so I could not call for help and she told me if I ever needed her to call the police then to bang on the floor and she would.