samaraI really like going to school because it gives me time to get out of the irritation and hell that my family puts me through on a daily basis, but waiting on late ass buses in extreme temperatures and waiting on financial aid really truly sucks. I am so tired of waiting for things. I am tired of waiting on a job, waiting on a change, waiting for people to pay whats due to them, waiting on everything! It seems like I’ve been waiting my whole life and no matter how much I try to make things change for the better I find myself still in the same predicament… waiting! I’m also tired of going to school for different things with the promise that something will happen for me just to gain more disappointment…*sigh*
I have to catch the bus in the cold to school, to look for work, and when I get a job to work. After today’s fiasco I wonder how that’s really going to work when public transportation proves non-reliable. It’s a shame that my family have 3 vehicles and my little sister can drive the car my mother pays for with her disability money to and from work, to have fun, to stay out all night with her boyfriend, but I can’t even use the car just to do something useful like finding a job, going to work and school. Instead I am told to catch the bus and when my boyfriend sends me money so I can catch the bus my Mom has the nerve to make a big ass fit over it. Am I suppose to be miserable and unhappy? It seems like they are only satisfied when I am. My sister puts everything and person before me and I am treated like the outcast or the stepchild. I hate it here! If it wasn’t for my kid’s I would leave and move to California with Brian just so I can get the fuck out of here.
I dreaded coming back here when I left Florida because I knew it was going to be nothing, but hell for me. Now I am waiting for my break so I can finally have the means to get my own spot and be away from my family whom can’t even help me do shit!
Tags: annoyed, Frustrated, school
I seriously cannot stand waiting, it’s one of my major pet peeves… I’m sure everything will be better in your life!
waiting is always tough in life, so i also feel that
I know you probably hear this all of the time, but things will get better. I know exactly how you feel and sometimes it’s tiring as hell. We must go through struggles to get where we want to be. I hope that everything works out for you.
I have had the similar experience of working many jobs and being in the cold, while going to school. In my case, it was my father who got to have fun and enjoy his life, while I had to be responsible. Sometimes, things take a very long time to get better, and can feel like a long dull hurt. After 7 years working and going to community college in the free time I had, I finally got into university with a full scholarship. I got a better job with the better opportunities, managed to get an okay car that will drive me into the future of my hopes and aspirations. I have had the luck to have a few good friends who didn’t try to change me or tell me to try harder as I was doing more than most people would do, under my circumstances, and with severe family challenges and stresses. I try to breathe, re-center and remember who I am in these moments. Try to remember that we are all more than our external experiences, or circumstances. That’s stuff outside of yourself. You are a beautiful being & don’t ever stop being who you are. Recognize and respect how much you have attempted and accomplished, and try not to compare yourself with others. We all have different challenges, different lessons, and experience our lives sometimes, not in the order we expect it to be in. Sometimes, all I can do is meditate and breathe through a day, and try again tomorrow. Being a warrior of the heart and mind is a challenge, and you are doing it. You are a beautiful soul, with such aspiration, and care and dedication. A lot of people do not have those qualities. Keep going.