Why?
I don’t even know where to even begin when it comes to writing in this blog today. My day has been one of those days and I found myself so angry and full of rage because I am so sick and tired of the same repeated s*** time after time after time again! I am so tired. Why must I have to put up with this crap? I am just tired. It may sound repetitive, but I am. I feel like I am being swallowed whole. I pray for patience every night, but no amount of patience in this world can keep me calm when everything continues to go wrong over and over again. What do I need to do? Why can’t life just run smoothly for me, just once? Can or will I ever just get a break on this curse or whatever you want to call it? I do feel like I am cursed at times. Trouble follows me where ever and no matter what I do. Everything just slips from my fingers tips and I never have control over it. It always happens this way, and before I know it, it is too late.
Maybe this is the time I should be counting my blessings. Complaining about my situation isn’t going to make it better, but it won’t make it worse either. I pray for faith every night too, because when things like this keeps going wrong, I begin to feel like I am losing my faith. Sometimes I feel like what’s the point of praying? It seems like nothing is going to get any better no matter how much I pray, but I have to find it within myself to have the faith of Job and pray even more when it gets tough. Now that I think about it, he had it worse than me. I don’t even know if I’d be strong enough to still praise and/or pray to God if I suffered like he suffered…
I’ve been through so much in my small life…
I remember during one of the toughest times in my life. I was lying on the carpet in my apartment in Florida. An abusive psychopath was sitting on my chest chocking me after already beating me and drowning my face a hair with a can of beer. It was then, in all my tears and agony that I pleaded for God’s help and even though it wasn’t a “supernatural” happening. Help arrived and I was delivered from evil.
So I guess writing in this blog helped me a bit this morning. I’m going to go pray now. It’s all I can really do. And ask God to forgive me for my anger. I really wish I could just humble myself at times. It is painful to my soul to be as angry and as full of total rage as I was today.
Goodnite, or should I say, Goodmorning.
Aw, you sound so upset and depressed! I’m not sure what to say to make you feel any better. But I really do hope things will get better for you, and your kids. I hope the baby is doing is doing well…
You have been through alot, im sorry to hear that you had an abusive relationship in the past. I’m glad your not dealing with that bullshit any longer, I wish you the very best.
If you feel sad and depressed and all that. Why don’t you try Yoga. It relieves stress greatly
I know there’s a yoga for pregnant women as well.
I was so shocked about that psychopath. I can’t believe it really happened to you!
I can relate to you on SOOOOOO many levels. I’ve been through a lot myself and it seems like we’ve been through similar stuff.. I’m still trying to figure things out and how to deal with all the different emotions life throws at me. I’ve been to a psychiatrist before and all of that but idk, maybe there’s a way of processing everything I just don’t know how. I wish you all the best mama, keep your head up and keep God first. MUAH!
I’ve been angry and upset a lot lately too. I don’t know if it’s just an imbalance after the pregnancy or what, but I’ve been having to pray a lot, too. I’ve had to ask for forgiveness so much in these last few months, it’s crazy.
At this point, all you can do is pray and keep moving forward.
I think a lot of us can relate to the emotion contained in this post. I’m am going through a similar situation and I just feel that I’m stuck and there is NO PLACE to go. Life can definitely be trying at times but that’s what life is all about. God tests us but never punishes. We go through things to build a better relationship with God. It took me a long time to realize that and sometimes I still find it hard to fathom but, I do.
God bless you and I hope that your faith and patience remerges. =)
I know that feeling very well. It seems like when things are going well, something else bad happens. I’m learning that I must count my blessings anyway. All of these little things in my life that keep me well, safe, happy and sane are sometimes forgotten when I’m going through things and I must not lose sight of those things. I hope that everything goes well for you and I’ll pray for you and your family at night as well. Don’t worry, God has a plan and he has good things in store for you, trust me when I say that. I know he does for me to, even when things get too hard to bear, we bear them because we were meant to.